The other day the graduate was having a bad day and I had to leave him a message. Before hanging up I said "Ok, love you bye."
And then what I said hit me. My realization was immediately followed by panic. While I'd like to blame it on the fact that I was distracted by his situation as well as the fact that I was leaving church and thinking about my sister all at the same time, I know some psychologist would call it a freudian slip. Meaning, that what I really feel is what I said.
While I do know that I have love for him, I'm not 100% sure that I love him and I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to say it first.
Granted, I'm technically not because one night he called me after he'd been drinking with his buddies and he revealed that he loved me. However, because he has yet to repeat this while sober, I don't think it counts even though I know alcohol acts as a truth serum for him.
On the day of my slip of the tongue, I immediately sent him a text stating what I said in my voice mail and when he responded, I told him that he could erase the voicemail.
It's been a week and he hasn't said anything nor has he acted differently so I'm hoping he was a good boy and followed my directions.
When the time is right, if the time is ever right, we will both hear those words again when we're both ready for the other one to hear them.
Tuesday
Attraction
Attraction means everything in a relationship. I don't know how people don't believe that but I know for sure it's important to me.
I found that attraction is in full bloom these days. Between me and you-know-who that is.
When I see him, my heart actually does a little leap and I start grinning like crazy. If I don't grin, he knows something's bothering me and he does what he can to get the smile back on my face.
And it's the same way for him.
The other day we were among friends and I stepped away to talk to someone else. I looked over at him at the same moment I caught him giving me the once over and when our eyes met, we held an intense gaze for a few seconds without anyone else noticing (or even mattering at that point).
And that's not the only time that's happened. His eyes give everything away: tired, sleepy, anxious, and of course, intrigued.
Staring is common in our relationship. It was a stare that made us realize the possibility of us getting together was no longer a game of will. As he puts it "man, I'm afraid for the next time I see that look..."
The morning I took him to the airport, I could almost feel what he felt about me through the look on his face when he approached me to say good morning. And I hope when he sees me smile, or furrow my brown when he tells me about what's bothering him, he knows that I'm most attracted to him and no one else.
I found that attraction is in full bloom these days. Between me and you-know-who that is.
When I see him, my heart actually does a little leap and I start grinning like crazy. If I don't grin, he knows something's bothering me and he does what he can to get the smile back on my face.
And it's the same way for him.
The other day we were among friends and I stepped away to talk to someone else. I looked over at him at the same moment I caught him giving me the once over and when our eyes met, we held an intense gaze for a few seconds without anyone else noticing (or even mattering at that point).
And that's not the only time that's happened. His eyes give everything away: tired, sleepy, anxious, and of course, intrigued.
Staring is common in our relationship. It was a stare that made us realize the possibility of us getting together was no longer a game of will. As he puts it "man, I'm afraid for the next time I see that look..."
The morning I took him to the airport, I could almost feel what he felt about me through the look on his face when he approached me to say good morning. And I hope when he sees me smile, or furrow my brown when he tells me about what's bothering him, he knows that I'm most attracted to him and no one else.
Guidance
One of the most influential things that I heard during the sermon I attended with the graduate was the minister's take on what makes a good relationship.
Along with several scriptures to support him, he told us that one of the most important things you must do is compliment your mate. He said that people who spend time away from home usually decided to go to places where they feel appreciated and get compliments.
I don't what sweetie going anywhere and I make it a point to tell him how great I think he is or when he looks especially handsome (which is often).
I get a kick out of this not only because I like having someone that I look at and thinking "yep, that's my boyfriend!!" but also because he also blushes whenever he gets too embarrassed.
It's one of the best pleasures of my day to make him blush and his cheeks crinkle as he tries to suppress his emotions.
This exchange is something we've come to expect. Although I can't blush, he does make me come close with the compliments he pays me. I especially like the days where he's speechless, but I catch him looking at me and shaking his head. Whenever I ask him what's up, he just says, "nothing, you're just, (more head shaking), you, you're awesome."
Be still my heart.
Along with several scriptures to support him, he told us that one of the most important things you must do is compliment your mate. He said that people who spend time away from home usually decided to go to places where they feel appreciated and get compliments.
I don't what sweetie going anywhere and I make it a point to tell him how great I think he is or when he looks especially handsome (which is often).
I get a kick out of this not only because I like having someone that I look at and thinking "yep, that's my boyfriend!!" but also because he also blushes whenever he gets too embarrassed.
It's one of the best pleasures of my day to make him blush and his cheeks crinkle as he tries to suppress his emotions.
This exchange is something we've come to expect. Although I can't blush, he does make me come close with the compliments he pays me. I especially like the days where he's speechless, but I catch him looking at me and shaking his head. Whenever I ask him what's up, he just says, "nothing, you're just, (more head shaking), you, you're awesome."
Be still my heart.
Signs
I don't believe in "signs" but I do believe that I can get divine guidance in multiple forms. It's not a surprise that I've gotten a lot of it recently since I've started dating the graduate.
As we started to move out of our "honeymoon" period, I began to have doubts about the validity of the relationship. Did I rush in? Is it going to work? Are we too compatible? I was becoming the enemy of our relationship.
But a great thing happened one Sunday morning. While driving to church the minister on the radio was talking about relationships. Throughout the sermon he gave sound advice on how to deal with men in relationships. I was grateful. I learned even more for the next few weeks that he continued on the relationship topic.
As it turns out at the same time I was being fed sound advice, so was my guy. I was fortunate to hear the last sermon his pastor preached on the subject when I visited that Sunday (more to come on that).
What his minister shared made a lot of sense, and I've tried to implement a lot of what he told us into our relationship.
Because I pray for the graduate every day and that God guides the two of us to the right place for each of us, I know everything will be okay.
This last Sunday, I woke up earlier than expected and I decided to turn on the radio minister. When my mind started to drift from the topic at hand on a concern I had about the two of us, my ears perked up as the minister addressed that very same topic. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Shocked, but grateful.
I know whatever issue I have, I must pray and have a willing heart and an open ear to hear the answer.
As we started to move out of our "honeymoon" period, I began to have doubts about the validity of the relationship. Did I rush in? Is it going to work? Are we too compatible? I was becoming the enemy of our relationship.
But a great thing happened one Sunday morning. While driving to church the minister on the radio was talking about relationships. Throughout the sermon he gave sound advice on how to deal with men in relationships. I was grateful. I learned even more for the next few weeks that he continued on the relationship topic.
As it turns out at the same time I was being fed sound advice, so was my guy. I was fortunate to hear the last sermon his pastor preached on the subject when I visited that Sunday (more to come on that).
What his minister shared made a lot of sense, and I've tried to implement a lot of what he told us into our relationship.
Because I pray for the graduate every day and that God guides the two of us to the right place for each of us, I know everything will be okay.
This last Sunday, I woke up earlier than expected and I decided to turn on the radio minister. When my mind started to drift from the topic at hand on a concern I had about the two of us, my ears perked up as the minister addressed that very same topic. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Shocked, but grateful.
I know whatever issue I have, I must pray and have a willing heart and an open ear to hear the answer.
Passing the tests
I'll admit it, I'm putting the graduate through some tests and he's surprisingly passing. I think it's sad that it's a surprise to me that he follows through on his promises or does things that I thought were simple for other guys to accomplish but never did.
For instance there's the church thing. We both go to church and I know I can only be with someone that I can go to church with. Surely, if marriage were ever involved there would be a huge discussion over where we'd end up, but I have to first see where the person I'm considering attends church and if I agree with the principles being taught.
Well, as life would have it one Saturday I was missing him really badly because we played telephone tag all week and I went out on a limb and asked him if I could join him at church tomorrow. He said yes, and asked which service I preferred. Of course, seeing is believing so I waited until the next morning to see if things would still come to pass.
I inevitably got lost on my way to the church and had to call for help and he didn't answer. I'm not going to lie-my brain started working up all kinds of thoughts that I tried to block. BUT within the next few minutes he called back, gave me detailed directions and was standing there in the parking lot when I got there.
He continued to tell me repeatedly how happy he was that I came and I was happy to be there.
To borrow from Hope Floats, "My cup runneth over."
In addition to the church test, he's passed multiple other tests including being chivalrous, passing messages along to other people for me, calling to check on me when I'm sick, offering to bring me things when I'm sick, taking time out of our busy schedule because he knows I'm fed up with not seeing him, and actually saying "XO" to me whenever we can't engage in those acts.
One of my favorite moments was a night when he remarked he couldn't wait to see me again. I challenged him by asking what was stopping him from seeing me that night. He said nothing and within an hour we were together enjoying each other's company. It was probably one of the best times I've had with him thus far.
There's one other test that he's passed that means the most to me but I can't tell you all the details of he and I, so that will remain between us. But let's just say this is the one thing that keeps him above the rest.
For instance there's the church thing. We both go to church and I know I can only be with someone that I can go to church with. Surely, if marriage were ever involved there would be a huge discussion over where we'd end up, but I have to first see where the person I'm considering attends church and if I agree with the principles being taught.
Well, as life would have it one Saturday I was missing him really badly because we played telephone tag all week and I went out on a limb and asked him if I could join him at church tomorrow. He said yes, and asked which service I preferred. Of course, seeing is believing so I waited until the next morning to see if things would still come to pass.
I inevitably got lost on my way to the church and had to call for help and he didn't answer. I'm not going to lie-my brain started working up all kinds of thoughts that I tried to block. BUT within the next few minutes he called back, gave me detailed directions and was standing there in the parking lot when I got there.
He continued to tell me repeatedly how happy he was that I came and I was happy to be there.
To borrow from Hope Floats, "My cup runneth over."
In addition to the church test, he's passed multiple other tests including being chivalrous, passing messages along to other people for me, calling to check on me when I'm sick, offering to bring me things when I'm sick, taking time out of our busy schedule because he knows I'm fed up with not seeing him, and actually saying "XO" to me whenever we can't engage in those acts.
One of my favorite moments was a night when he remarked he couldn't wait to see me again. I challenged him by asking what was stopping him from seeing me that night. He said nothing and within an hour we were together enjoying each other's company. It was probably one of the best times I've had with him thus far.
There's one other test that he's passed that means the most to me but I can't tell you all the details of he and I, so that will remain between us. But let's just say this is the one thing that keeps him above the rest.
Informing the rents
I can honestly say I nearly fell out of my chair the day the graduate informed me that he "told my mom how I felt about you." Really, that's exactly what he wrote in his text after spending a weekend away.*
I of course had to ask if she approved of his feelings and he told me yes.
I think what surprised me most was he told his mom how he felt before I'd even told my parents we were dating. Given my history I waited a few weeks before telling them what they'd already suspected and they too seemed okay with the choice.
It's always weird when you get family involved and given the already complex nature of our relationship, I think I wanted to avoid bringing others into until I was really for sure it was the way I wanted to go. But I am happy with my choice and I do all I can to block out anything that would cause me to rethink the relationship.
*Editor's note: As to what went down on that trip I'm still not exactly sure because he's not the same man I dropped off at the airport at 5 am. Yes, I am/was that into him that I drug myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to drive him. Get over it.
I of course had to ask if she approved of his feelings and he told me yes.
I think what surprised me most was he told his mom how he felt before I'd even told my parents we were dating. Given my history I waited a few weeks before telling them what they'd already suspected and they too seemed okay with the choice.
It's always weird when you get family involved and given the already complex nature of our relationship, I think I wanted to avoid bringing others into until I was really for sure it was the way I wanted to go. But I am happy with my choice and I do all I can to block out anything that would cause me to rethink the relationship.
*Editor's note: As to what went down on that trip I'm still not exactly sure because he's not the same man I dropped off at the airport at 5 am. Yes, I am/was that into him that I drug myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to drive him. Get over it.
Time for a name
In the grand tradition of this blog, it's about time that my guy gets his very own name. Sweets, sweetie, sweetheart will no longer work. From now on I will now refer to him as (drumroll please):
THE GRADUATE!
Stay tuned.
THE GRADUATE!
Stay tuned.
While being patient
I am growing antsy.
But I've never been a cheater so I refuse to do anything that would hinder our relationship. Which is why I can't bring myself to hang out with anyone I considered talking to before I met him.
I actually have free time to spend with the people I've naturally been blowing off during the semester are aware that I'm finished and expecting to hang out.
Again, I truly care about him and I haven't come across anyone who makes me want to second guess my choice. That said, my itching to get out and about causes me to wonder if he is doing the same. Has he kept the two women he was considering dating on a string this entire time?
I hate to ask for fear of seeming insecure but I guess it's almost time to have the talk... #ihatethetalk
But I've never been a cheater so I refuse to do anything that would hinder our relationship. Which is why I can't bring myself to hang out with anyone I considered talking to before I met him.
I actually have free time to spend with the people I've naturally been blowing off during the semester are aware that I'm finished and expecting to hang out.
Again, I truly care about him and I haven't come across anyone who makes me want to second guess my choice. That said, my itching to get out and about causes me to wonder if he is doing the same. Has he kept the two women he was considering dating on a string this entire time?
I hate to ask for fear of seeming insecure but I guess it's almost time to have the talk... #ihatethetalk
Carrying the weight
Finals are over and pending three more grades I've successfully passed my first semester of school. With school out of the way, there are only a few more weeks (I pray) that I have to carry the weight of our relationship.
The pressure of life has gotten to sweets recently and I've been the source of encouragement, reason, etc for the last few weeks. I know it's a necessary evil of every relationship but selfishly I'm tired of it because the beginning of the relationship was all about me.
And although we didn't say "til death do us part" we did make a promise to each other to make sure that we did only what was best for the other so that we both make it through b-school.
He's been more than patient with me on some of my issues and I am so grateful. Through the stress I see glimpses of the man I fell for and I know he's out there somewhere, I just need to be patient.
The pressure of life has gotten to sweets recently and I've been the source of encouragement, reason, etc for the last few weeks. I know it's a necessary evil of every relationship but selfishly I'm tired of it because the beginning of the relationship was all about me.
And although we didn't say "til death do us part" we did make a promise to each other to make sure that we did only what was best for the other so that we both make it through b-school.
He's been more than patient with me on some of my issues and I am so grateful. Through the stress I see glimpses of the man I fell for and I know he's out there somewhere, I just need to be patient.
And on second thought
I really have to wonder how long the ex has been with this girlfriend. For her sake, I hope not as long as he's been flirting with me. My gosh, I don't miss that infidelity and I feel sorry for her if she doesn't know what she's getting into. If he ever tries to throw her in my face, I have the perfect line 'Oh, tell me she's Nigerian so you don't have to string her along for eight years."
Did that sound bitter? Because I so meant it to be. :-)
Did that sound bitter? Because I so meant it to be. :-)
Pardon me while I interrupt your happiness
That's what I feel my ex should have said on Monday when he and I exchanged text messages about an upcoming event in Dallas. In the past, we've made it a point not to talk to each other about other people we are dating so I haven't said a word to him about how my recent romantic addition over the last few months.
Some people may see this as an excuse to leave the door open but now that I've really and truly seen the light of what an adult relationship should be, I know without a doubt I'd never go back.
Therefore when the ex decided to tell me that he and his girlfriend would be going to Dallas, I knew for sure I wasn't going to go. I could just imagine how he wanted me to squirm as I saw them together.
Little does he know I've been with my sweetheart for almost three months, including since the last time we saw each other when he tried to flirt with me and I ignored him. I remember thinking how lame he was that he tried his old trick of attempting to make me feel bad that I blew him off. Despite it being three in the morning, my brain was still very much alert and I continued to let him know he had no chance.
And two to three weeks later when he sent me a flirtatious text, I again let him know there was nothing there on my end (and then had a great lunch hour with my man).
I struggled with whether I should tear the smirk off his face by letting him know that I was involved with someone given that it could come across as a "me too" remark, but given that I'm extremely happy, I confessed the real reason I wasn't going to Dallas was to find some free time to be with sweetie and the fam.
A few hours later he informed me he wasn't going at all. Pity. Not to be petty but I think I won. And if he took the time to talk to any of my friends who we hung out with in October, he would know that my special mate has been around for a long time (at least for me anyway...).
Some people may see this as an excuse to leave the door open but now that I've really and truly seen the light of what an adult relationship should be, I know without a doubt I'd never go back.
Therefore when the ex decided to tell me that he and his girlfriend would be going to Dallas, I knew for sure I wasn't going to go. I could just imagine how he wanted me to squirm as I saw them together.
Little does he know I've been with my sweetheart for almost three months, including since the last time we saw each other when he tried to flirt with me and I ignored him. I remember thinking how lame he was that he tried his old trick of attempting to make me feel bad that I blew him off. Despite it being three in the morning, my brain was still very much alert and I continued to let him know he had no chance.
And two to three weeks later when he sent me a flirtatious text, I again let him know there was nothing there on my end (and then had a great lunch hour with my man).
I struggled with whether I should tear the smirk off his face by letting him know that I was involved with someone given that it could come across as a "me too" remark, but given that I'm extremely happy, I confessed the real reason I wasn't going to Dallas was to find some free time to be with sweetie and the fam.
A few hours later he informed me he wasn't going at all. Pity. Not to be petty but I think I won. And if he took the time to talk to any of my friends who we hung out with in October, he would know that my special mate has been around for a long time (at least for me anyway...).
Wednesday
Going, going, going...
I know, you thought I was going to say gone. But nope, he's still here.
Thank God.
That's what I do every day actually. Thank God for him and ask Him to protect him and guide him.
He's facing a big transition within the next seven months, which is why he's amazed he decided to start anything with me.
And that's fine because I'm actually in the same boat only my window of life fluctuation doesn't open until 2012.
This has been the best relationship to keep me focused on God. Never have I prayed to God so much for another person with whom I'm in the relationship. And not for God to change his mind about how he felt about me but mostly to let us let God use both of us to witness and be the best people possible.
Thank God.
That's what I do every day actually. Thank God for him and ask Him to protect him and guide him.
He's facing a big transition within the next seven months, which is why he's amazed he decided to start anything with me.
And that's fine because I'm actually in the same boat only my window of life fluctuation doesn't open until 2012.
This has been the best relationship to keep me focused on God. Never have I prayed to God so much for another person with whom I'm in the relationship. And not for God to change his mind about how he felt about me but mostly to let us let God use both of us to witness and be the best people possible.
People said it would happen that way...
Sure enough I was just minding my own business at grad school when a guy who I didn't know was looking, found me.
And I'm so glad he did.
How could I not when he earnestly and often says things such as, "The thing that makes me happy is to see you happy. I just want you to be happy."
My days had purpose before but knowing he's in the trenches with me and can pull me up when I'm starting to fall has been excellent. I try not to be too much of a gloomy gus but he can always tell just when I'm at my point of frustration. Mostly, because that's when I don't even have the spirit to say ANYTHING negative.
We're both happy, although I hope we strive for joy since happiness is temporary. We shall see how this goes.
And I'm so glad he did.
How could I not when he earnestly and often says things such as, "The thing that makes me happy is to see you happy. I just want you to be happy."
My days had purpose before but knowing he's in the trenches with me and can pull me up when I'm starting to fall has been excellent. I try not to be too much of a gloomy gus but he can always tell just when I'm at my point of frustration. Mostly, because that's when I don't even have the spirit to say ANYTHING negative.
We're both happy, although I hope we strive for joy since happiness is temporary. We shall see how this goes.
Updates soon
Life has been busy. Lots of changes especially in the romance department. As soon as I get through my b-school finals that are my living nightmare right now, I will share the news about my dream guy.
Corny, yes. But some days it's just like that!
Corny, yes. But some days it's just like that!
Sunday
A weekend of truth
This weekend while hanging out with my friends in Dallas I discovered the cold hard truth about my love life. And when it hit me, it wasn't pretty.
The party circle included my ex-boyfriend which meant facing him for the first time since April when we had yet another discussion about how we couldn't make things work between us. Initially, I did what every female would do when she learns that her ex is coming to the same party. 1. I considered the possibility of bringing a date to the festivities 2. I planned all my outfits that would be the most flattering and also make him remorseful for letting me go. 3. I gave myself pep talks and tried to ignore all the memories (both good and bad) that kept coming into my mind as drove into town.
Well, the truth of the matter is that no matter how many compliments I got and no matter how hard I tried to stay calm, the minute I saw him, I got nervous, jittery and just went into an emotional shell. It was if I forgot everything I knew about interacting with others in a social setting. I felt like no one else mattered in the room but him and when he gave me a cold brushoff when I attempted to make small talk I was crushed.
I knew I had to get my confidence back or at least get back to my initial game plan (make him suffer) so I sent BB messages to another friend who has the same problem. She gave me some great words - some were words of encouragement and others were just curse words but they did the trick. I spent most of Friday night trying to avoid him when we later went out to a club and doing my best to avoid talking to any guy who tried to hit on me in front of him. I did want to extend that courtesy because in the past we've both mentioned how difficult it is to see the other with someone else so I wanted to uphold my part of the bargain.
Saturday's agenda had been decided for me unbeknownigst to me and so I was committed to spending time at the mall with him and two other mutual friends. However, before we went, we had lunch with another friend and as we talked about our past, I realized I was still holding on to so much emotional baggage about the relationship. I only had a few minutes to recover before the venture at the mall so I once again reverted to avoiding him as much as possible.
Just when I was about to give up all hope that he and I could truly be friends, he finally broke down and showed me the sweet side of him that I always saw when no one else was around. This was the side of him that would do whatever I asked him without hesitation, sometimes without me asking. For instance, I simply inquired about his Rice Crispie treat that he was eating and he got up and retrieved one for me. And when I finished I held out the paper as he rose to do something else and he took it. I tested the waters once more by asking general questions to our host to which he took the lead on answering and offering a helping hand (finding me a bowl, putting back the cereal when I was finished) when necessary. For me, that was enough.
I played it cool the rest of the night and still kept a distance seeing as how our party was easily divided by the sexes, but we continued to communicate, sometimes via text and I had a good feeling about where we stood.
As we parted he said he'd see me in Houston and without giving it a second thought, I replied yeah right. As soon as I said it, he went back into his shell and I regretted my statement. Later, through text messages I tried to make sure he knew I really did enjoy seeing him and that I would like for us to hang out.
It was only after I sent that reply that I realized we still weren't ready for that. Because, the truth of the matter is, I'm still not over him. No matter how many dates I go on and new guys come along and treat me better this man has an amazing resilience that makes me suppress every wrong and concentrate on everything that was ever right with our relationship.
During my drive home I cried my eyes out as I tried to receive comfort and guidance from my favorite Christian songs. At the end of my four hour drive I felt more at peace but still in a state of shock at the astonishing fact that I am still in love with him. At the end of my drive the only thing I could think was how my favorite scripture tells us that "love hopes, believes and endures all things." That is definitely how I feel about him and I.
No matter what has happened in the past, I still forgive, hope, believe and keep trusting that in the future we have a future. Both of us may still have some things to work on so that we can be the people God wants us to be in the relationship, but if it is His will, I really and truly know that if GOD makes it happen, I will be so happy to be his wife.
The party circle included my ex-boyfriend which meant facing him for the first time since April when we had yet another discussion about how we couldn't make things work between us. Initially, I did what every female would do when she learns that her ex is coming to the same party. 1. I considered the possibility of bringing a date to the festivities 2. I planned all my outfits that would be the most flattering and also make him remorseful for letting me go. 3. I gave myself pep talks and tried to ignore all the memories (both good and bad) that kept coming into my mind as drove into town.
Well, the truth of the matter is that no matter how many compliments I got and no matter how hard I tried to stay calm, the minute I saw him, I got nervous, jittery and just went into an emotional shell. It was if I forgot everything I knew about interacting with others in a social setting. I felt like no one else mattered in the room but him and when he gave me a cold brushoff when I attempted to make small talk I was crushed.
I knew I had to get my confidence back or at least get back to my initial game plan (make him suffer) so I sent BB messages to another friend who has the same problem. She gave me some great words - some were words of encouragement and others were just curse words but they did the trick. I spent most of Friday night trying to avoid him when we later went out to a club and doing my best to avoid talking to any guy who tried to hit on me in front of him. I did want to extend that courtesy because in the past we've both mentioned how difficult it is to see the other with someone else so I wanted to uphold my part of the bargain.
Saturday's agenda had been decided for me unbeknownigst to me and so I was committed to spending time at the mall with him and two other mutual friends. However, before we went, we had lunch with another friend and as we talked about our past, I realized I was still holding on to so much emotional baggage about the relationship. I only had a few minutes to recover before the venture at the mall so I once again reverted to avoiding him as much as possible.
Just when I was about to give up all hope that he and I could truly be friends, he finally broke down and showed me the sweet side of him that I always saw when no one else was around. This was the side of him that would do whatever I asked him without hesitation, sometimes without me asking. For instance, I simply inquired about his Rice Crispie treat that he was eating and he got up and retrieved one for me. And when I finished I held out the paper as he rose to do something else and he took it. I tested the waters once more by asking general questions to our host to which he took the lead on answering and offering a helping hand (finding me a bowl, putting back the cereal when I was finished) when necessary. For me, that was enough.
I played it cool the rest of the night and still kept a distance seeing as how our party was easily divided by the sexes, but we continued to communicate, sometimes via text and I had a good feeling about where we stood.
As we parted he said he'd see me in Houston and without giving it a second thought, I replied yeah right. As soon as I said it, he went back into his shell and I regretted my statement. Later, through text messages I tried to make sure he knew I really did enjoy seeing him and that I would like for us to hang out.
It was only after I sent that reply that I realized we still weren't ready for that. Because, the truth of the matter is, I'm still not over him. No matter how many dates I go on and new guys come along and treat me better this man has an amazing resilience that makes me suppress every wrong and concentrate on everything that was ever right with our relationship.
During my drive home I cried my eyes out as I tried to receive comfort and guidance from my favorite Christian songs. At the end of my four hour drive I felt more at peace but still in a state of shock at the astonishing fact that I am still in love with him. At the end of my drive the only thing I could think was how my favorite scripture tells us that "love hopes, believes and endures all things." That is definitely how I feel about him and I.
No matter what has happened in the past, I still forgive, hope, believe and keep trusting that in the future we have a future. Both of us may still have some things to work on so that we can be the people God wants us to be in the relationship, but if it is His will, I really and truly know that if GOD makes it happen, I will be so happy to be his wife.
Tuesday
Pressures of date planning
When I say I hate to plan life activities, I really mean it. So I always feel this enormous pressure when I try to pick a date activity because while I want to have fun, I also want to keep the other person in mind as well.
This week I've been tasked with planning mý event with May date and I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities. Now, I just have to see if some of these are possible:
1. Salsa dancing-he remarked last week that he loves my sense of adventure and how we keep things fun and I think this combines adventure and our love for Latin culture.
2. Movie in the park-this is the event I'd really love to do-I'd make consumable dinner and we sit on my 2010 version of a red&white picnic blanket-blue & white- and enjoy each other's company. Think Jennifer Lopez & Matthew McConaghey in The Wedding Planner.
3. Dinner at a cozy but Latin restaurant.
4. Attend an indie/art film-he mentioned last week that our weekly outings were something he looked forward to like he used to look forward to seeing indie films in NYC. Since I sometimes can be artsy, I figure seeing a film together can not only give us some conversation stimulants but maybe just maybe start a routine...(And that's as deep as I will get with that comment)
If I can get internet access tomorrow I will check out a few of these places and maybe make it even more adventurous by texting him the time & address...
Not only do I want to have a good time after spending three days in "the country," I want to help send him off on a good note before he goes to New Orleans where there will be tons of women gawking at him and trying to get into his good graces. We seem to operate on a don't ask, don't tell basis when it comes to his trips, but I'm fairly certain if he wasn't feeling our company anymore he'd definitely say so.
If you have any other suggestions for the date, feel free to write in.
This week I've been tasked with planning mý event with May date and I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities. Now, I just have to see if some of these are possible:
1. Salsa dancing-he remarked last week that he loves my sense of adventure and how we keep things fun and I think this combines adventure and our love for Latin culture.
2. Movie in the park-this is the event I'd really love to do-I'd make consumable dinner and we sit on my 2010 version of a red&white picnic blanket-blue & white- and enjoy each other's company. Think Jennifer Lopez & Matthew McConaghey in The Wedding Planner.
3. Dinner at a cozy but Latin restaurant.
4. Attend an indie/art film-he mentioned last week that our weekly outings were something he looked forward to like he used to look forward to seeing indie films in NYC. Since I sometimes can be artsy, I figure seeing a film together can not only give us some conversation stimulants but maybe just maybe start a routine...(And that's as deep as I will get with that comment)
If I can get internet access tomorrow I will check out a few of these places and maybe make it even more adventurous by texting him the time & address...
Not only do I want to have a good time after spending three days in "the country," I want to help send him off on a good note before he goes to New Orleans where there will be tons of women gawking at him and trying to get into his good graces. We seem to operate on a don't ask, don't tell basis when it comes to his trips, but I'm fairly certain if he wasn't feeling our company anymore he'd definitely say so.
If you have any other suggestions for the date, feel free to write in.
Did I say three? Make that five.
Yesterday I was made aware that an acquaitance I met in NYC is "interested" in me. I was told this information by his friend, another guy whom I met under the same circumstances and who also feels the same way.
In my effort to be genial, I seem to have given both of them the opinion (or they just decided to act on their instincts) that I felt the same way.
Honestly they both have great qualities although my informant has a much more dark sense of humor than even I am accustomed BUT given the facts that all three of us are attending b-school I didn't think any of them would give a second thought to making a move. Afterall, Mr. Pretty Boý Harvard certainly gave up after I waited one day to respond to his text.
Now I'm getting phone calls that sound like interviews because they delve into my likes, dislikes and future goals and requests to meet up before school begins. I can't take the pressure!!! But most importantly I don't want to come between friends. My motto has always been "friends before men." Ok, so not officially that, but it will be from here on out.
In my effort to be genial, I seem to have given both of them the opinion (or they just decided to act on their instincts) that I felt the same way.
Honestly they both have great qualities although my informant has a much more dark sense of humor than even I am accustomed BUT given the facts that all three of us are attending b-school I didn't think any of them would give a second thought to making a move. Afterall, Mr. Pretty Boý Harvard certainly gave up after I waited one day to respond to his text.
Now I'm getting phone calls that sound like interviews because they delve into my likes, dislikes and future goals and requests to meet up before school begins. I can't take the pressure!!! But most importantly I don't want to come between friends. My motto has always been "friends before men." Ok, so not officially that, but it will be from here on out.
Three is definitely not charming
In fact. I know I've said it before but balancing three guys is very, very, difficult.
Because I can't predict the future, I didn't think that I'd come to like May date as much as I do. We have common interests, I can speak Spanish to him and he's up for trying new things like I am so it works. At some point I must admit that the whole thing (not sure I'd call it the r-word yet) seems a bit shallow BUT then we have our moments where we actually reach out and surprise the other so I guess were doing good.
Twin tower continues to be predictable and sweet and recently he passed a big challenge. A self-described "cheap person who hadn't been to the movies in over two years" I tested his ability to change by suggesting we attend a movie Saturday night. Ideally I would have liked to ease his sticker shock by trying a matinee but we were both busy and the night show was the only one we could both make. He didn't give any fuss about my choice even though the theatre seating was not at all comfortable for a man his height. Since he enjoyed the movie, next time we will have to pick a better theatre.
As for "must love dogs," an urban league colleague I bonded with over his Rottweiler, I'm feeling he will get the boot pretty soon. There are a number of causes contributing to his dismissal including: a) our schedule conflicts b)his weird way of talking c)the sneaking suspicion I have that he is younger than me. No matter what the goal, i will not turn into a cougar!!
Farewell, adeiu, this parting is not very sorrowful (especially if I can connect you with my friend who seems somewhat interested).
Because I can't predict the future, I didn't think that I'd come to like May date as much as I do. We have common interests, I can speak Spanish to him and he's up for trying new things like I am so it works. At some point I must admit that the whole thing (not sure I'd call it the r-word yet) seems a bit shallow BUT then we have our moments where we actually reach out and surprise the other so I guess were doing good.
Twin tower continues to be predictable and sweet and recently he passed a big challenge. A self-described "cheap person who hadn't been to the movies in over two years" I tested his ability to change by suggesting we attend a movie Saturday night. Ideally I would have liked to ease his sticker shock by trying a matinee but we were both busy and the night show was the only one we could both make. He didn't give any fuss about my choice even though the theatre seating was not at all comfortable for a man his height. Since he enjoyed the movie, next time we will have to pick a better theatre.
As for "must love dogs," an urban league colleague I bonded with over his Rottweiler, I'm feeling he will get the boot pretty soon. There are a number of causes contributing to his dismissal including: a) our schedule conflicts b)his weird way of talking c)the sneaking suspicion I have that he is younger than me. No matter what the goal, i will not turn into a cougar!!
Farewell, adeiu, this parting is not very sorrowful (especially if I can connect you with my friend who seems somewhat interested).
Thursday
Get Your Own Man!
Some people, ok women, really need to learn boundaries.
I have an associate who has been continuously flirting with a married man. To set the story straight, she initially told him she thought he was handsome on a dare, and when he thanked her, he told her he was married. Immediately, we (me and the other associates) told her that it was not a good idea to continue any more conversations with him other than standard greetings but her ego got in the way of common sense and now he's asked her for her number.
I am somewhat less than amused.
I told her she should find some men that are not married and my sis actually gave her some sage advice about how women in Texas pack heat to back up their points but I'm still not sure it sank in.
Or maybe it did but not in the way I expected because instead of finding her own guy, she asked me to introduce her to one of my current dates. I had two words for her: AS IF!
I don't borrow from Clueless a lot lately but if she thinks I will just hand over my seconds just for her sake I think she's got another thing coming. I will not give up my potential treasures after all the hard work it took to establish and maintain these relationships.
I have an associate who has been continuously flirting with a married man. To set the story straight, she initially told him she thought he was handsome on a dare, and when he thanked her, he told her he was married. Immediately, we (me and the other associates) told her that it was not a good idea to continue any more conversations with him other than standard greetings but her ego got in the way of common sense and now he's asked her for her number.
I am somewhat less than amused.
I told her she should find some men that are not married and my sis actually gave her some sage advice about how women in Texas pack heat to back up their points but I'm still not sure it sank in.
Or maybe it did but not in the way I expected because instead of finding her own guy, she asked me to introduce her to one of my current dates. I had two words for her: AS IF!
I don't borrow from Clueless a lot lately but if she thinks I will just hand over my seconds just for her sake I think she's got another thing coming. I will not give up my potential treasures after all the hard work it took to establish and maintain these relationships.
Am I greedy?
Lately I've been wondering if I'm being greedy by entertaining more than one male in the current Houston dating pool. I only begin to think this because I tried to host an event where singles bring singles of the opposite sex to meet up and possibly connect BUT my female friends didn't have any one worthy to bring. I had people I could have brought but I'm also holding some of them on reserve, so I wondered if I was one of those selfish women who take all the eligible bachelors with no concern for others.
Admittedly, I don't think my hogging two (possibly three) men is really much of a problem so I'm not going to make any drastic cutbacks, but if the number exceeds three (which is highly doubtful) then I will begin to re-evaluate my life.
Admittedly, I don't think my hogging two (possibly three) men is really much of a problem so I'm not going to make any drastic cutbacks, but if the number exceeds three (which is highly doubtful) then I will begin to re-evaluate my life.
3 is hard
Trying to add a new person to the mix has proved quite difficult. Whenever I try to add a new person into my dating lineup, I find that one person is always neglected. Since I like April and May pretty fine right now I haven't been in a rush to add but I feel that I have a good opportunity to increase my dating portfolio and I think I will act on it.
He and I have connected over his dog which is the same breed of my childhood pets. At the moment that's about all I know about him besides his profession so if I can ever sit down long enough to talk to him, I will do my best to learn more.
BUT what I need him to understand is that he almost received the kiss of death by friending me on facebook the same day he met me. NOT a good move. Guys, please learn the rules of engagement before attempting to date me.
He and I have connected over his dog which is the same breed of my childhood pets. At the moment that's about all I know about him besides his profession so if I can ever sit down long enough to talk to him, I will do my best to learn more.
BUT what I need him to understand is that he almost received the kiss of death by friending me on facebook the same day he met me. NOT a good move. Guys, please learn the rules of engagement before attempting to date me.
May Date hits one month mark
My catch for May has surprised even me by carrying over into the month of June.
I was a little wary of whether or not we'd event make it through the first date due to some complications but once we finally connected, I had a decent time.
He and I actually talk about our jobs, general life issues and I enjoy our conversations when they are grounded. There are only a few things that I don't like, specifically his need to be VIP at all times despite him saying that's not the case.
I like that he loves to travel and he actually travels more than I do -even out of the country-- so I like that he's open to exploring. What's funny about me is that I don't ask many questions about his trips, I just let him volunteer information and I listen to what he says. I'm not sure if this means he has hooked up with other females during the time we've been talking but I wouldn't begrudge him for that since I am doing the same thing- well, at least talking to someone else.
This week he made the comment that he hates it when people try to run game or play the other person in a relationship. I don't think that's what I'm doing (at least I'm not entirely sure...) so I hope that I can find out where he feels we stand in a few weeks.
I think I gravitate to him and April because their scheds are just as busy as mine, but I don't know what will happen once I start school so I will continue to give him the pleasure of my company and hope he will do the same.
I was a little wary of whether or not we'd event make it through the first date due to some complications but once we finally connected, I had a decent time.
He and I actually talk about our jobs, general life issues and I enjoy our conversations when they are grounded. There are only a few things that I don't like, specifically his need to be VIP at all times despite him saying that's not the case.
I like that he loves to travel and he actually travels more than I do -even out of the country-- so I like that he's open to exploring. What's funny about me is that I don't ask many questions about his trips, I just let him volunteer information and I listen to what he says. I'm not sure if this means he has hooked up with other females during the time we've been talking but I wouldn't begrudge him for that since I am doing the same thing- well, at least talking to someone else.
This week he made the comment that he hates it when people try to run game or play the other person in a relationship. I don't think that's what I'm doing (at least I'm not entirely sure...) so I hope that I can find out where he feels we stand in a few weeks.
I think I gravitate to him and April because their scheds are just as busy as mine, but I don't know what will happen once I start school so I will continue to give him the pleasure of my company and hope he will do the same.
AD Going strong
Can't believe it's been almost two months of communication and consistent meet-ups for me and AD or, April Date. I've finally grown accustomed to his sense of humor and sarcasm and thankfully he can also take what he dishes out.
The only weird thing about this is that he doesn't give me any indication that he believes we are dating. Occasionally he will say something sweet or put in what could be construed as extra effort and I think "maybe just maybe" he is interested in me BUT I'm usually just reconciled to live in the moment because he never leaves any of the normal guy clues.
I'm not going to make any sudden moves or give any indication that I may be interested in more given our religious differences, but I will continue to make myself available when he's available so that we can continue to have a great time.
The only weird thing about this is that he doesn't give me any indication that he believes we are dating. Occasionally he will say something sweet or put in what could be construed as extra effort and I think "maybe just maybe" he is interested in me BUT I'm usually just reconciled to live in the moment because he never leaves any of the normal guy clues.
I'm not going to make any sudden moves or give any indication that I may be interested in more given our religious differences, but I will continue to make myself available when he's available so that we can continue to have a great time.
Nice Knowing You
Today I finally saw Valentine for the first time in several weeks. To say it was awkward is beyond putting it lightly. He and I had a quick exchange of personal items that we'd had from one another for weeks and when we finally handed them over, I really felt as though I wouldn't see him ever again.
Honestly, the way things have progressed I'm not sad about this at all. He and I were great friends at one point during this year but as usual, the more you get to know someone the more you can determine if that's really someone you want to spend your time with. As it turns out, there were some days I'd rather spend time alone than spend with him.
And so, our friendship has been downgraded to practically non-existent and as he went through his recent list of accomplishments-a standard behavior practice that I've begun to loathe- I half-listened concentrating more on my runny nose which he was oblivious to. Therefore when he said he'd call me to help him with a future project of his, I gave him a half-nod and told him that would be fine. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I never hear from him again. Nor would I be sad. And that my dears is the way the cookie crumbles.
Honestly, the way things have progressed I'm not sad about this at all. He and I were great friends at one point during this year but as usual, the more you get to know someone the more you can determine if that's really someone you want to spend your time with. As it turns out, there were some days I'd rather spend time alone than spend with him.
And so, our friendship has been downgraded to practically non-existent and as he went through his recent list of accomplishments-a standard behavior practice that I've begun to loathe- I half-listened concentrating more on my runny nose which he was oblivious to. Therefore when he said he'd call me to help him with a future project of his, I gave him a half-nod and told him that would be fine. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I never hear from him again. Nor would I be sad. And that my dears is the way the cookie crumbles.
Wednesday
April Dating Goal Achieved
I'm happy to report my April dating goal has been achieved last Friday. I'm going to hold the details close to my heart except to say it went well. Well enough that I've already seen him again this and there's a good chance we'll connect this weekend as well. We have things in common and best of all he makes me laugh-so much that my cheeks hurt when we finish talking.
I just have to remember that everything is always great in the beginning, it's how you weather the storms that really matter.
I just have to remember that everything is always great in the beginning, it's how you weather the storms that really matter.
Are you trying to break up with me?
Tonight I had an interesting conversation with the ex. After our encounter in San Antonio it seems he wasn't happy with the way things ended between us. I had no clue given that I didn't hear from him after that morning we talked so this was all news to me when I texted him today to see how he was doing.
I had one of those dream/nightmares and it involved him so I decided to make sure everything was okay on his end and then he dropped that bombshell on me.
So, tonight when we talked, he started to go into his spiel about how I didn't understand the pressure he had to choose between me and his family and so as a result he figured we should just be friends.
I was so entertained I almost snorted. I had to refrain from saying, are you trying to break up with me because honestly, I broke up with you two weeks ago. I really felt like he was trying to be the person who ended it, but I let him know I had no intention of being anything other than his friend and that I enjoyed our good times but felt it was time to move on.
Once we got over the pettiness of trying to be the one who released the other, we did state how we wanted to be friends and how we needed to make sure we didn't repeat the pattern. I was honest and told him that I wanted us to be happy for the other when we found someone and that I also was dating men who asked me out.
It wasn't something he wanted to hear, but as my friend now he needed to know that truth and deal with it now instead of me releasing the bombshell later.
All that said I noticed a change in my listening habits over the weekend. I was listening to my ipod that is filled with more than 70 songs that remind me of him and anytime I came across one, I skipped it. Not because it hurt to listen, but because I feel like that chapter of my life with him is truly over and there's no need to reflect on it anymore. Yes, there were good times, but there were plenty of bad and because of the bad, we aren't together now. Case closed. And now, "On to the Next."
I had one of those dream/nightmares and it involved him so I decided to make sure everything was okay on his end and then he dropped that bombshell on me.
So, tonight when we talked, he started to go into his spiel about how I didn't understand the pressure he had to choose between me and his family and so as a result he figured we should just be friends.
I was so entertained I almost snorted. I had to refrain from saying, are you trying to break up with me because honestly, I broke up with you two weeks ago. I really felt like he was trying to be the person who ended it, but I let him know I had no intention of being anything other than his friend and that I enjoyed our good times but felt it was time to move on.
Once we got over the pettiness of trying to be the one who released the other, we did state how we wanted to be friends and how we needed to make sure we didn't repeat the pattern. I was honest and told him that I wanted us to be happy for the other when we found someone and that I also was dating men who asked me out.
It wasn't something he wanted to hear, but as my friend now he needed to know that truth and deal with it now instead of me releasing the bombshell later.
All that said I noticed a change in my listening habits over the weekend. I was listening to my ipod that is filled with more than 70 songs that remind me of him and anytime I came across one, I skipped it. Not because it hurt to listen, but because I feel like that chapter of my life with him is truly over and there's no need to reflect on it anymore. Yes, there were good times, but there were plenty of bad and because of the bad, we aren't together now. Case closed. And now, "On to the Next."
Monday
Seek and you should find...
I always know that there is truth to the statement that when you go looking for something you're bound to find it. Imagine my surprise that I'd find something that now has me darn near about to throw up based on some unsettling photos I found on my alumni shopping buddy's facebook page.
I know I did my due diligence in asking the preliminary questions I needed to before completely letting myself fall for the guy's charm BUT if these pictures don't have a recent backstory behind them, then this guy has some SERIOUS explaining to do.
I earnestly prayed to God to show me if he was the right person for me to even consider dating and based on my current perplexity I'm at a loss.
I wonder if he will ever call again. Chances are, he won't. But if he does, well I guess I'll pray on what to do in that situation too.
The most important thing is that I never want to be perceived as the girl who ruins other people's relationships and I don't want people to think I'm too naive to know if I'm being played for a fool SO I will simply follow the advice of my pastor on this one and "give time, time."
But for the record, I gave him two opportunities to clarify his situation by asking him his relationship status and then second, telling him about an incident where a guy was less-than forthcoming about having a child and that not working out.
Shaking my head- what's wrong with these men.
I know I did my due diligence in asking the preliminary questions I needed to before completely letting myself fall for the guy's charm BUT if these pictures don't have a recent backstory behind them, then this guy has some SERIOUS explaining to do.
I earnestly prayed to God to show me if he was the right person for me to even consider dating and based on my current perplexity I'm at a loss.
I wonder if he will ever call again. Chances are, he won't. But if he does, well I guess I'll pray on what to do in that situation too.
The most important thing is that I never want to be perceived as the girl who ruins other people's relationships and I don't want people to think I'm too naive to know if I'm being played for a fool SO I will simply follow the advice of my pastor on this one and "give time, time."
But for the record, I gave him two opportunities to clarify his situation by asking him his relationship status and then second, telling him about an incident where a guy was less-than forthcoming about having a child and that not working out.
Shaking my head- what's wrong with these men.
I hope we have more than San Antonio
This weekend was an incredible weekend as far as my working on finding the right relationship. My new pseudo life coach imparted some great wisdom to me regarding relationships that I will share later, but one of the key points he told me was "the law of attraction."
As he tells it, you attract what you are attracting, or whatever vibes or qualities you put out into the universe to attract a significant other is exactly the vibes and qualities you will attract.
He encouraged me to do an honest self-assessment and decide whether the qualities I want in a mate are realistically something that I can attract. After doing that analysis, he says you must live your life in a manner that will put you in a position to meet that person.
He noted that if you don't like the persons whom you have encountered recently you should re-evaluate what vibes you have put out there to catch that person and then re-work your status. He also warned that the spring and summer months are the most popular or busy months when it comes to dating, so if you aren't attracting anything you also need to re-evaluate yourself.
This piece of advice has been ringing in my head so I've kept it top of my mind ever since I heard it. I did a self-evaluation and decided that my standards were in line (and in the past had been below my potential) with what I was capable of providing that person.
So, when it came to communicating with TT2, I decided that I would want someone who needed to take their time warming up to me and moving at a steady pace, but still recognized the importance of having a good conversation. Therefore, I've tolerated the text messages more so than I have in the past-because there may be something I need him to be patient with me about- but also nudged him to occassionally pick up the phone.
The life coach also warned that you must always present your best effort no matter what because you never know when your mate could be looking for you and the times you "take the day off" with your appearance or attitude, could be the very day he's looking for you.
In San Antonio, I kept this advice in mind as well by making sure I looked my best at all functions for our reunion. My friends were impressed with all of my hard work on my weight loss as well as my new natural hair style. I was rewarded with my efforts by catching the eye of a very handsome alumni.
When we met on Friday, he mentioned to his friend that I reminded me of one of their male friends which I thought was a backhand comment and never forgot it since he didn't explain himself. But by Saturday afternoon as our alumni group toured the campus, he questioned my posture and I revealed that this was an issue that my personal trainer picked with me all the time. He told me he was a chiropractor and so he naturally noticed these things but it was a gentle reminder of the "looking" aspect of the attraction rule and after that I began to walk straighter.
I noticed that he was the main person to open and hold the doors for the women in our group and when I asked a question to our tour guide regarding the artwork on display, he set off to find the answer-or what he thought was the answer -and reported back to me his conclusion.
By that time I'd popped a Blow Pop in my mouth, and he asked for one. Sadly, I could not produce another one as it was my last, but I did give him a mint which, he gladly accepted.
We walked together and decided that after the tour we would venture to the mall together. He and his riding buddy left before the tour was over so I gave him my number and by the time the tour was over I had a text asking me whether I wanted him to pick me up or just meet him at the mall.
Our group was scheduled to have dinner and cocktails late that night so I had my second outfit for the day in the car. Knowing that I would meet them immediately after our trip to the mall, I decided to change out of my message tee and put on the outfit that was more stylish, sophisticated and of course, accentuated my best features.
Not surprisngly, he immediately commented on my change of attire when we first reconnected.
We had a great time at the mall, bonding over our issues with finding shoes in our sizes (he wears a size 15) as well as our passion for Houston's hometown sports teams. When I mentioned that I was actually regretting my decision to drive to Houston that night after dinner, he graciously offered for me to stay on his sleeper sofa in his suite. When we separated for our separate dinner plans I told him I'd consider his offer even though I didn't want to go out to the place he and his friends were considering. He told me that wouldn't be a problem because he had his own rental car and so he could break away from the crowd if he wanted.
Throughout my dinner with friends we texted until I was able to get a friend to agree to break away from our pack to join him and his friends at the place they'd decided to attend. By that time everyone had decided that it was too risky for me to drive home that night because of the pouring rain. We had a great time at the club and it was there that I remembered just how reassuring a hand on the small of your back or a gentle but firm shoulder squeeze could feel. Not wanting to seem as though I joined the "couples" agenda for the weekend I played it cool for my friend whom I dragged out but still did what I could to subtly let him know I was interested.
When we got back that night as he carried my suitcase in, he draped his arm around me and we walked in together looking, if I do say so myself, like a real couple.
I only had 3.5 hours before I needed to hit the road so I changed into some comfortable clothes and removed all my makeup. Before going to bed we discussed what our relationship statuses were and whether he or I would have to explain my sleeping in his room. We both of course said no, and the mild flirting progressed again with him playing with my hair as we talked about our lives. During the talk as well as throughout the day, he gave details of his past and future, giving me a clear picture of what kind of guy he was. Admittedly there is a significant age between us that I wasn't aware of at first-as well as some other life encounters- but I can honestly say that overall those things seem insignificant because while it isn't the most ideal situation, I do like how we interact and complement each other and I have no doubt that the persons we encountered at the mall thought for sure we were already a couple. I also liked the ego boost he gave me when he disclosed that he noticed different things I did while we were together even if they were small, such as pouring out my Big Red soda and recycling my can during the tour.
When I left, I wrote a note on the hotel memo pad thanking him for his hospitality and telling him I had a great time. When he woke up, he sent me a text message to check on me as I was driving and I did the same until he also returned back to Houston safely that afternoon.
We haven't talked since yesterday and its darn near eating me up but I know that all my actions were pure and could indeed lead me to have more communication with him in the future because I left him wanting more. I mean can you really do anything crazy when you are having a discussion about where you go to church and you actually and the person actually knows your pastor??
Until he calls, we shall see but I have to tell you in spite of the recent success with TT2, I still want to see where both of these men will go in my life.
If nothing happens, I can always consider the experience as my April date even if our mall experience was casual and the club was a group outing. After all, group dates count right???
As he tells it, you attract what you are attracting, or whatever vibes or qualities you put out into the universe to attract a significant other is exactly the vibes and qualities you will attract.
He encouraged me to do an honest self-assessment and decide whether the qualities I want in a mate are realistically something that I can attract. After doing that analysis, he says you must live your life in a manner that will put you in a position to meet that person.
He noted that if you don't like the persons whom you have encountered recently you should re-evaluate what vibes you have put out there to catch that person and then re-work your status. He also warned that the spring and summer months are the most popular or busy months when it comes to dating, so if you aren't attracting anything you also need to re-evaluate yourself.
This piece of advice has been ringing in my head so I've kept it top of my mind ever since I heard it. I did a self-evaluation and decided that my standards were in line (and in the past had been below my potential) with what I was capable of providing that person.
So, when it came to communicating with TT2, I decided that I would want someone who needed to take their time warming up to me and moving at a steady pace, but still recognized the importance of having a good conversation. Therefore, I've tolerated the text messages more so than I have in the past-because there may be something I need him to be patient with me about- but also nudged him to occassionally pick up the phone.
The life coach also warned that you must always present your best effort no matter what because you never know when your mate could be looking for you and the times you "take the day off" with your appearance or attitude, could be the very day he's looking for you.
In San Antonio, I kept this advice in mind as well by making sure I looked my best at all functions for our reunion. My friends were impressed with all of my hard work on my weight loss as well as my new natural hair style. I was rewarded with my efforts by catching the eye of a very handsome alumni.
When we met on Friday, he mentioned to his friend that I reminded me of one of their male friends which I thought was a backhand comment and never forgot it since he didn't explain himself. But by Saturday afternoon as our alumni group toured the campus, he questioned my posture and I revealed that this was an issue that my personal trainer picked with me all the time. He told me he was a chiropractor and so he naturally noticed these things but it was a gentle reminder of the "looking" aspect of the attraction rule and after that I began to walk straighter.
I noticed that he was the main person to open and hold the doors for the women in our group and when I asked a question to our tour guide regarding the artwork on display, he set off to find the answer-or what he thought was the answer -and reported back to me his conclusion.
By that time I'd popped a Blow Pop in my mouth, and he asked for one. Sadly, I could not produce another one as it was my last, but I did give him a mint which, he gladly accepted.
We walked together and decided that after the tour we would venture to the mall together. He and his riding buddy left before the tour was over so I gave him my number and by the time the tour was over I had a text asking me whether I wanted him to pick me up or just meet him at the mall.
Our group was scheduled to have dinner and cocktails late that night so I had my second outfit for the day in the car. Knowing that I would meet them immediately after our trip to the mall, I decided to change out of my message tee and put on the outfit that was more stylish, sophisticated and of course, accentuated my best features.
Not surprisngly, he immediately commented on my change of attire when we first reconnected.
We had a great time at the mall, bonding over our issues with finding shoes in our sizes (he wears a size 15) as well as our passion for Houston's hometown sports teams. When I mentioned that I was actually regretting my decision to drive to Houston that night after dinner, he graciously offered for me to stay on his sleeper sofa in his suite. When we separated for our separate dinner plans I told him I'd consider his offer even though I didn't want to go out to the place he and his friends were considering. He told me that wouldn't be a problem because he had his own rental car and so he could break away from the crowd if he wanted.
Throughout my dinner with friends we texted until I was able to get a friend to agree to break away from our pack to join him and his friends at the place they'd decided to attend. By that time everyone had decided that it was too risky for me to drive home that night because of the pouring rain. We had a great time at the club and it was there that I remembered just how reassuring a hand on the small of your back or a gentle but firm shoulder squeeze could feel. Not wanting to seem as though I joined the "couples" agenda for the weekend I played it cool for my friend whom I dragged out but still did what I could to subtly let him know I was interested.
When we got back that night as he carried my suitcase in, he draped his arm around me and we walked in together looking, if I do say so myself, like a real couple.
I only had 3.5 hours before I needed to hit the road so I changed into some comfortable clothes and removed all my makeup. Before going to bed we discussed what our relationship statuses were and whether he or I would have to explain my sleeping in his room. We both of course said no, and the mild flirting progressed again with him playing with my hair as we talked about our lives. During the talk as well as throughout the day, he gave details of his past and future, giving me a clear picture of what kind of guy he was. Admittedly there is a significant age between us that I wasn't aware of at first-as well as some other life encounters- but I can honestly say that overall those things seem insignificant because while it isn't the most ideal situation, I do like how we interact and complement each other and I have no doubt that the persons we encountered at the mall thought for sure we were already a couple. I also liked the ego boost he gave me when he disclosed that he noticed different things I did while we were together even if they were small, such as pouring out my Big Red soda and recycling my can during the tour.
When I left, I wrote a note on the hotel memo pad thanking him for his hospitality and telling him I had a great time. When he woke up, he sent me a text message to check on me as I was driving and I did the same until he also returned back to Houston safely that afternoon.
We haven't talked since yesterday and its darn near eating me up but I know that all my actions were pure and could indeed lead me to have more communication with him in the future because I left him wanting more. I mean can you really do anything crazy when you are having a discussion about where you go to church and you actually and the person actually knows your pastor??
Until he calls, we shall see but I have to tell you in spite of the recent success with TT2, I still want to see where both of these men will go in my life.
If nothing happens, I can always consider the experience as my April date even if our mall experience was casual and the club was a group outing. After all, group dates count right???
What happens in Vegas...
Apparently doesn't stay in Vegas as far as TT2 is concerned. Over the weekend he and I traded several text messages where he kept me in the loop on most everything he did and I did the same.
From my experiences with other sketchy boyfriends I know this is a great sign that he is open, honest and available during his vacation getaways.
He shows a great deal of concern for my safety which I appreciate whole-heartedly. If he texted while he thought I was driving he told me not to respond and when I had to wake up early on Sunday morning to drive back to Houston, he sent me a text at the exact moment I pulled out telling me to be safe and that I could call him (even though it was 4 am Vegas time) to talk if I got too sleepy to drive. Need I tell you that gave him bonus points even though I didn't take him up on his offer?
After having the final convo with the ex I wanted to be cheered up so I decided to test TT2's level of interest by joking that I would love to hear his voice unless he was too shy to talk on the phone. Well, that got him to call and after that he called henceforth. I was elated because in truth I was testing him and he passed! His humor does make it a little difficult for me to know when he is joking or serious but the more we talk I think I will catch on, but I will try to have more convos face-to-face until I reach that point.
Last night after he arrived home, we traded a few more text messages and he thanked me for our conversations over the weekend saying it really made his weekend better. I wasn't the good luck charm he thought I could be (and a part of me actually cringed when he said that talking to me before his tennis matches seemed to help him win) but in the end he was happy with what transpired and so was I. Essentially I said "ditto" to his thank you but in a more figurative manner of course.
Things are looking up!!
From my experiences with other sketchy boyfriends I know this is a great sign that he is open, honest and available during his vacation getaways.
He shows a great deal of concern for my safety which I appreciate whole-heartedly. If he texted while he thought I was driving he told me not to respond and when I had to wake up early on Sunday morning to drive back to Houston, he sent me a text at the exact moment I pulled out telling me to be safe and that I could call him (even though it was 4 am Vegas time) to talk if I got too sleepy to drive. Need I tell you that gave him bonus points even though I didn't take him up on his offer?
After having the final convo with the ex I wanted to be cheered up so I decided to test TT2's level of interest by joking that I would love to hear his voice unless he was too shy to talk on the phone. Well, that got him to call and after that he called henceforth. I was elated because in truth I was testing him and he passed! His humor does make it a little difficult for me to know when he is joking or serious but the more we talk I think I will catch on, but I will try to have more convos face-to-face until I reach that point.
Last night after he arrived home, we traded a few more text messages and he thanked me for our conversations over the weekend saying it really made his weekend better. I wasn't the good luck charm he thought I could be (and a part of me actually cringed when he said that talking to me before his tennis matches seemed to help him win) but in the end he was happy with what transpired and so was I. Essentially I said "ditto" to his thank you but in a more figurative manner of course.
Things are looking up!!
Is this goodbye?
Last weekend I went to San Antonio for our annual Black Alumni Reunion. After cajoling the ex into attending, I honestly didn't anticipate what would happen between us.
This year the reunion had a looming "couples" theme because so many of the attendees were married, so the talk centered around being married and the activities that the couples did together when the rest of us singles were not around.
Unfortunately it put a damper on my ability to have a good time because for me it was big stab in the heart to think that my ex and I had been trying to make it work before any of them got together and yet we still failed.
Surprisingly, he decided he wanted to meet me and talk-well actually he wanted more than talking but that was all he was going to get from me. Sure enough, I gathered all my courage and told him all I was feeling and had been feeling for some time. I told him how I felt second best to everyone in his life and how disappointing and hurtful it was each and every time he cancelled our plans. I also told him that when things got rough we both just give up so that was a big contributing factor to our failure.
When he tried to feed me his same lines as to why our relationship hasn't led us down the aisle because of his heritage I told him that I could live with the consequences as long as we were a team and stuck by each other. I told him that his issue was not a problem for me so the only reason he really could be stalling is because he didn't honestly believe that I was the one. Keep in mind that last year when we broke up we had this conversation he said he didn't believe I was the one and then when we reconciled he said he knew I was the one.
So once he showed that he had no idea whether he wanted me or not after EIGHT years, I told him I didn't think I was the one. He made up some excuse to leave and I haven't heard from him since.
I'm actually taking the whole experience in stride. For the first time in a long time I don't feel bad about how we ended it. I no longer need to keep looking over my shoulder and hoping he will be running to catch me again. My future looks brighter than I can imagine and I know its possible for me to find the right person if I just keep listening to the advice God is giving me. Ironically, I got to this point based on a prayer he sent me. All may not be fair in love in war but I will do what is necessary to receive the best treatment from the man in my life!
This year the reunion had a looming "couples" theme because so many of the attendees were married, so the talk centered around being married and the activities that the couples did together when the rest of us singles were not around.
Unfortunately it put a damper on my ability to have a good time because for me it was big stab in the heart to think that my ex and I had been trying to make it work before any of them got together and yet we still failed.
Surprisingly, he decided he wanted to meet me and talk-well actually he wanted more than talking but that was all he was going to get from me. Sure enough, I gathered all my courage and told him all I was feeling and had been feeling for some time. I told him how I felt second best to everyone in his life and how disappointing and hurtful it was each and every time he cancelled our plans. I also told him that when things got rough we both just give up so that was a big contributing factor to our failure.
When he tried to feed me his same lines as to why our relationship hasn't led us down the aisle because of his heritage I told him that I could live with the consequences as long as we were a team and stuck by each other. I told him that his issue was not a problem for me so the only reason he really could be stalling is because he didn't honestly believe that I was the one. Keep in mind that last year when we broke up we had this conversation he said he didn't believe I was the one and then when we reconciled he said he knew I was the one.
So once he showed that he had no idea whether he wanted me or not after EIGHT years, I told him I didn't think I was the one. He made up some excuse to leave and I haven't heard from him since.
I'm actually taking the whole experience in stride. For the first time in a long time I don't feel bad about how we ended it. I no longer need to keep looking over my shoulder and hoping he will be running to catch me again. My future looks brighter than I can imagine and I know its possible for me to find the right person if I just keep listening to the advice God is giving me. Ironically, I got to this point based on a prayer he sent me. All may not be fair in love in war but I will do what is necessary to receive the best treatment from the man in my life!
Wednesday
A Lesson from Turbo Man
Back in the 1990s there was a movie called Jingle All the Way. The main character's son was infactuated (sp) with a superhero called Turbo Man and thus shared Turbo Man's philosophies with everyone he encountered. One of the lessons he shared during that movie was "always keep your promises if you want to keep your friends."
I recently quoted this on my Facebook page after one disappoint after the other with Valentine. Thankfully, I remembered this philosophy this week as I started navigating the territory from being a casual conversationalist with the twin towers to friends.
This meant searching and combing through my kitchen cabinet to find a decent Tupperware container for TT1 to carry around his protein shake mix. When he missed working out on Monday, I gave the container to TT2 who then requested his own. So of course last night I once again found another container that I figured my mom wouldn't miss (I'm sure if she knew what I was using it for, she'd approve anyway) and provided him with his own container. WHICH matched the magazine that I saved for him because it had an article about Vegas hotels and he's going to Vegas for work on Friday.
As it turns out they were both grateful for my generosity. TT1 sent a typed and stapled note via TT2 thanking me for his container and wishing me the best of luck in the future. He also said he requested that TT2 give me a hug and another thank you since he couldn't be there (he's in Mexico getting things prepared for his wedding in July and will be in training on Monday which is my last day).
I informed TT2 I'd send another typed and stapled note to TT1 on Monday so he promised to make his workout regardless of his travel or work schedule.
Because we talked more than usual today (almost 30 minutes -including during my workout) I was able to naturally slip in my request for tennis lessons and we exchanged numbers. I was also able to provide him directions to his training tomorrow since my sister works exactly where his training will be. Things are looking up!!
I recently quoted this on my Facebook page after one disappoint after the other with Valentine. Thankfully, I remembered this philosophy this week as I started navigating the territory from being a casual conversationalist with the twin towers to friends.
This meant searching and combing through my kitchen cabinet to find a decent Tupperware container for TT1 to carry around his protein shake mix. When he missed working out on Monday, I gave the container to TT2 who then requested his own. So of course last night I once again found another container that I figured my mom wouldn't miss (I'm sure if she knew what I was using it for, she'd approve anyway) and provided him with his own container. WHICH matched the magazine that I saved for him because it had an article about Vegas hotels and he's going to Vegas for work on Friday.
As it turns out they were both grateful for my generosity. TT1 sent a typed and stapled note via TT2 thanking me for his container and wishing me the best of luck in the future. He also said he requested that TT2 give me a hug and another thank you since he couldn't be there (he's in Mexico getting things prepared for his wedding in July and will be in training on Monday which is my last day).
I informed TT2 I'd send another typed and stapled note to TT1 on Monday so he promised to make his workout regardless of his travel or work schedule.
Because we talked more than usual today (almost 30 minutes -including during my workout) I was able to naturally slip in my request for tennis lessons and we exchanged numbers. I was also able to provide him directions to his training tomorrow since my sister works exactly where his training will be. Things are looking up!!
Sunday
Lightbulb moment
After stepping up my game and letting TT2 know that I only had a few days left at my post, he has also increased the amount of communication between us.
Someone has shared that he is shy and I can see that to be the case, so I'm looking or waiting to see what comes of our talks. I'm very serious about my stance on not looking desperate but I do think it would be smart to let him know I'm interested in at least knowing him beyond my appointment at this church.
Yesterday I brainstormed two ways that I think could help us stay in contact, one seeming more forward than the other. Feel free to weigh in on which approach I should take.
1. Magazine page marker-TT2 informed me that he is leaving town on Thursday or Friday for Vegas for a work trip. I actually have in my possession a magazine about Men's Style that he said he would read. I've thought about marking one of the pages and telling him that's an article he should read on the plane and printing my number on the page marker. The risk I run with this approach is to look desperate or for him to never open the magazine and see the number.
2.I overheard him talking about how he plays tennis and since one of my bucket list items is to learn how to play tennis. I figure I can strike up a convo about him playing and inquire as to whether he gives lessons or whther he would be willing to give me lessons so that he and I can exchange numbers and not only can I learn how to play tennis, but we might be able to develop a friendship from our lessons.
Ideally, this is the best option because it doesn't imply that I want anything more than learning how to play tennis, but it does give us a reason to communicate beyond our chatter at the desk. And as always in the end, I can always use another friend. Because my friends are scattered all around this city and our schedules are usually hard to sync.
Someone has shared that he is shy and I can see that to be the case, so I'm looking or waiting to see what comes of our talks. I'm very serious about my stance on not looking desperate but I do think it would be smart to let him know I'm interested in at least knowing him beyond my appointment at this church.
Yesterday I brainstormed two ways that I think could help us stay in contact, one seeming more forward than the other. Feel free to weigh in on which approach I should take.
1. Magazine page marker-TT2 informed me that he is leaving town on Thursday or Friday for Vegas for a work trip. I actually have in my possession a magazine about Men's Style that he said he would read. I've thought about marking one of the pages and telling him that's an article he should read on the plane and printing my number on the page marker. The risk I run with this approach is to look desperate or for him to never open the magazine and see the number.
2.I overheard him talking about how he plays tennis and since one of my bucket list items is to learn how to play tennis. I figure I can strike up a convo about him playing and inquire as to whether he gives lessons or whther he would be willing to give me lessons so that he and I can exchange numbers and not only can I learn how to play tennis, but we might be able to develop a friendship from our lessons.
Ideally, this is the best option because it doesn't imply that I want anything more than learning how to play tennis, but it does give us a reason to communicate beyond our chatter at the desk. And as always in the end, I can always use another friend. Because my friends are scattered all around this city and our schedules are usually hard to sync.
One down, maybe another left
On Friday I received the disappointing news that TT1 is engaged. Yes, the proud and generous beholder of a 100 mega-watt smile is scheduled to be betrothed to another woman. As happy as I am for her, I'm just a little sad that my daydream thoughts about me having a chance with him will now have to ve curbed.
On the other hand, this does solve my dilemma cocerning which Tower I should consider for my April dating goal (still not attained...). Best wishes to the soon-to-be bride and groom.
On the other hand, this does solve my dilemma cocerning which Tower I should consider for my April dating goal (still not attained...). Best wishes to the soon-to-be bride and groom.
The truth of the matter
I've noticed one thing about the way women and men greet each other based on my recent experience at a local church.
Because of my postion, I am required to greet people when they walk by. What I've noticed is that men are more likely to make eye contact and smile more than women.
Week after week, this happens so I'm deciding that my new reasoning for terrible female relationships that we aren't friendly enough to each other. I'd have to do some more in-depth research as to why we aren't initially friendly to each other but I do wish that would change... And soon! Until then I will still be here greeting everyone.
Because of my postion, I am required to greet people when they walk by. What I've noticed is that men are more likely to make eye contact and smile more than women.
Week after week, this happens so I'm deciding that my new reasoning for terrible female relationships that we aren't friendly enough to each other. I'd have to do some more in-depth research as to why we aren't initially friendly to each other but I do wish that would change... And soon! Until then I will still be here greeting everyone.
Friday
Once again, the man needs a ring
Why is it that women have to wear a ring to indicate that she's scheduled to be betrothed, but men don't?
As the recipient of some unfavorable news about one of the twin towers-- TT1-- to be exact, I'm thinking of starting the campaign for men to wear engagement rings.
Simply through casual conversation I've managed to find out that TT2 lives with his brother and that he's moving to a new home and that if he does have kids, he plans to raise them in his native country... I also know he's going to Vegas next week for work but whether or not he is also engaged is a mystery.
I know that they are merely a distraction to keep my mind occupied and they probably think I'm weirder than all get out because I don't talk to anyone when I'm working out, but I'm extra friendly when I sit at my desk.
Either way it goes. If anyone had a chance of the people who do come through here and flirt, TT2 is the only one left, but even his future looks slim.
Hoping I have my final harassment of the day in a few minutes and that it won't last long because I've used all my patience and smiles for the week.
As the recipient of some unfavorable news about one of the twin towers-- TT1-- to be exact, I'm thinking of starting the campaign for men to wear engagement rings.
Simply through casual conversation I've managed to find out that TT2 lives with his brother and that he's moving to a new home and that if he does have kids, he plans to raise them in his native country... I also know he's going to Vegas next week for work but whether or not he is also engaged is a mystery.
I know that they are merely a distraction to keep my mind occupied and they probably think I'm weirder than all get out because I don't talk to anyone when I'm working out, but I'm extra friendly when I sit at my desk.
Either way it goes. If anyone had a chance of the people who do come through here and flirt, TT2 is the only one left, but even his future looks slim.
Hoping I have my final harassment of the day in a few minutes and that it won't last long because I've used all my patience and smiles for the week.
Wednesday
The only downside
The only negative aspect about TT2 is that he reminds me a LOT of my ex. And I mean A LOT!!!
They both have the same ethnic background and actually look a little similar in terms of build. Granted TT2 smiles a lot more and seems to have better people skills, but there are just some things you can't overlook that are eerily familiar.
The whole thing makes me question whether I'd even be interested in going out with him or even more realistic, if I had a chance... And while that almost sounds silly, I know it's a big ego thing but I just wish I had a realistic chance with everyone to whom I'm attracted.
Because of seeing TT2 almost everyday I've also begun to miss the ex a lot more. Now, we still have a good friendship and we do long-distance friendship well but whenever we get together it's like the force of attraction between us is so strong, it's really hard to resist and then we have to spend months repairing our friendship and getting over the hurt we caused each other all over again.
Further solidifying my downfall is that I've agreed to meet him for dinner tomorrow. We'll see if yet another Thursday date falls through. I told him if he cancelled on me I'd be very upset. He said he wouldn't. I say: we'll see... Lord, please, please help!!
They both have the same ethnic background and actually look a little similar in terms of build. Granted TT2 smiles a lot more and seems to have better people skills, but there are just some things you can't overlook that are eerily familiar.
The whole thing makes me question whether I'd even be interested in going out with him or even more realistic, if I had a chance... And while that almost sounds silly, I know it's a big ego thing but I just wish I had a realistic chance with everyone to whom I'm attracted.
Because of seeing TT2 almost everyday I've also begun to miss the ex a lot more. Now, we still have a good friendship and we do long-distance friendship well but whenever we get together it's like the force of attraction between us is so strong, it's really hard to resist and then we have to spend months repairing our friendship and getting over the hurt we caused each other all over again.
Further solidifying my downfall is that I've agreed to meet him for dinner tomorrow. We'll see if yet another Thursday date falls through. I told him if he cancelled on me I'd be very upset. He said he wouldn't. I say: we'll see... Lord, please, please help!!
Getting Warmer
So in my imagination things are starting to heat up with TT2 (Twin Tower #2)...
On Monday as I entered the building he and TT1 were exiting and he asked if I had his magazine. I told him yes, I did and asked if he wanted and he said he needed a little more time so he wanted me to hold on to it.
Today, I unfortunately ran out of my Elle magazines so I was left with the latest edition of Houston Magazine I picked up at a newsstand. When he saw that I was reading the Men's Style Issue he said he really might need to borrow that magazine.
While he was working out, I was able to glance at the receipt that was written out to him and see how his name was spelled. I figured if he was the true athlete he said he was, I'd be able to find him for sure on the internet. So I memorized the spelling of his name and wrote it down in the tiniest print possible on a pre-used sheet in my notebook.
Later as the TTs exited, I was trapped in a conversation with a less than desirable conversation partner so I took the opportunity to alert TT2 that he only had two weeks to get caught up on his reading before I left. It was only then that he realized I did not work for the church and I had to explain to him what I was doing there. As it turns out, he can actually put me to work because he does need to complete the information that we are requesting so I gave him a form. I told him if he needed help, that's what I was there for. He asked if I would be there tomorrow because he would need help, and I of course politely told him yes, with a smile. Let's hope tomorrow is a good day. I'm going to bed "early" so I can look good.
On Monday as I entered the building he and TT1 were exiting and he asked if I had his magazine. I told him yes, I did and asked if he wanted and he said he needed a little more time so he wanted me to hold on to it.
Today, I unfortunately ran out of my Elle magazines so I was left with the latest edition of Houston Magazine I picked up at a newsstand. When he saw that I was reading the Men's Style Issue he said he really might need to borrow that magazine.
While he was working out, I was able to glance at the receipt that was written out to him and see how his name was spelled. I figured if he was the true athlete he said he was, I'd be able to find him for sure on the internet. So I memorized the spelling of his name and wrote it down in the tiniest print possible on a pre-used sheet in my notebook.
Later as the TTs exited, I was trapped in a conversation with a less than desirable conversation partner so I took the opportunity to alert TT2 that he only had two weeks to get caught up on his reading before I left. It was only then that he realized I did not work for the church and I had to explain to him what I was doing there. As it turns out, he can actually put me to work because he does need to complete the information that we are requesting so I gave him a form. I told him if he needed help, that's what I was there for. He asked if I would be there tomorrow because he would need help, and I of course politely told him yes, with a smile. Let's hope tomorrow is a good day. I'm going to bed "early" so I can look good.
A start...
Last week one of the cuties of the duo I call "The Twin Towers" finally took a step to actually trying to have a conversation with me. He asked what magazine I was reading and then when I held up my copy of Elle, he joked that he reads the magazine too. Thankfully I was up for the challenge because I quickly retorted that he must like the articles as well and we laughed some more.
That same afternoon I was able to work out at the same time as he and the other tower and I saw with my own eyes just how buff (do people still say that??) or how in shape he really is. And I can honestly just say: MMMMMMAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!
Yeah, just the memory of it sends me back. So that put another check mark in his category.
On the way out, he told me he wanted to catch up on his reading so I told him I'd hold on to the magazine until he was ready.
Not a complete knockdown dragout attempt at flirting but a small and appreciated step....
That same afternoon I was able to work out at the same time as he and the other tower and I saw with my own eyes just how buff (do people still say that??) or how in shape he really is. And I can honestly just say: MMMMMMAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!
Yeah, just the memory of it sends me back. So that put another check mark in his category.
On the way out, he told me he wanted to catch up on his reading so I told him I'd hold on to the magazine until he was ready.
Not a complete knockdown dragout attempt at flirting but a small and appreciated step....
April's looking slim
So it's only seven days in but April is looking like I have slim pickings on trying to meet this April dating goal. Apparently, my date last week was an April Fool's joke because the date didn't happen and still has not happened.
I've decided to give up on it and if the guy does want to resurface, I'll let him. Otherwise...well I'm hoping something will come soon... *sigh* back to the drawing board.
In related news: despite saying that he wouldn't give up, March Date aka Mr. Recreational Pharmaceuticals has never called again- I'm very happy and thankful to God for that.
I've decided to give up on it and if the guy does want to resurface, I'll let him. Otherwise...well I'm hoping something will come soon... *sigh* back to the drawing board.
In related news: despite saying that he wouldn't give up, March Date aka Mr. Recreational Pharmaceuticals has never called again- I'm very happy and thankful to God for that.
Age & Wisdom
When it comes to dating and relationships I learned today (again) that age does not equal wisdom on how to navigate the murky waters.
While I wouldn't characterize the person I spoke with this morning as a cougar, she is treading on thin ice with a relationship that could make her be perceived as one.
Needless to say she was astonished when I told her there was no way that I would date someone old enough to be my father or that I'd do the reverse either. I tried to sugarcoat it by saying I've always prayed for direction and God hasn't led me to date a man my father's age when the opportunities arose in the past.
Not surprisingly, because she's happy with her situation I'm pretty sure based on her pratically school-girl manner of describing the guy (who is my age!!!) and his flirting techniques, she is not going to end their relationship-her word not mine- any time soon.
*sigh* all the good ones are married, gay or with an older woman it seems...
While I wouldn't characterize the person I spoke with this morning as a cougar, she is treading on thin ice with a relationship that could make her be perceived as one.
Needless to say she was astonished when I told her there was no way that I would date someone old enough to be my father or that I'd do the reverse either. I tried to sugarcoat it by saying I've always prayed for direction and God hasn't led me to date a man my father's age when the opportunities arose in the past.
Not surprisingly, because she's happy with her situation I'm pretty sure based on her pratically school-girl manner of describing the guy (who is my age!!!) and his flirting techniques, she is not going to end their relationship-her word not mine- any time soon.
*sigh* all the good ones are married, gay or with an older woman it seems...
Tuesday
Old Dog, same tricks
This weeekend an old friend -who may have received some entryspace last July when he deserted me as my wedding escort- came to town. I agreed to show him around because he offered me a ticket to the NCAA regional basketball game, and second because his original plan for Saturday was to drive 6 hours to view the Alamo in San Antonio. Now the nice person inside of me saw what a complete let-down and wasre od time that would have been for him so I picked him up and showed him the sights as well as took him to my favorite restaurant.
We managed through the weekend without incident but with me noticing more than ever how annoyingly clueless he was about everything. This includes the fact that every time he hugged me I turned to the side or was a little squeamish or awkward after he gave me a kiss on the cheek to not knowing the crossstreets for his hotel or where he parked at the Reliant Center.
As an official observer of life I've just determined he is content with letting life happen to him and not being proactive. I'd have to say its one of my biggest pet peeves and I definitely do not plan on letting him have any part of my future at all.
We managed through the weekend without incident but with me noticing more than ever how annoyingly clueless he was about everything. This includes the fact that every time he hugged me I turned to the side or was a little squeamish or awkward after he gave me a kiss on the cheek to not knowing the crossstreets for his hotel or where he parked at the Reliant Center.
As an official observer of life I've just determined he is content with letting life happen to him and not being proactive. I'd have to say its one of my biggest pet peeves and I definitely do not plan on letting him have any part of my future at all.
April dating goal
If things go according to plan I just may fulfill my April dating goal on April 1. I'm hoping this isn't an April Fool's joke either!!! The guy is a fellow Urban Leaguer whom I met two months ago. Friday we both left at the same time and he escorted me to Macy's -it was closed-- and then to my car. I think like most guys his curiosity is peaked by my seeming normalness but still single disposition nonetheless.
There are two minor red flags that I see at the moment-his less-than-consistent attendance at church and his tendency to bring up his ranch (as in place with animals...) in almost every conversation. I kid you not its so bad I almost want to ask him if he has a ranch to see his reaction.
But on the bright side if I get this out of the way I have 29 more days to line up my next date for May...
There are two minor red flags that I see at the moment-his less-than-consistent attendance at church and his tendency to bring up his ranch (as in place with animals...) in almost every conversation. I kid you not its so bad I almost want to ask him if he has a ranch to see his reaction.
But on the bright side if I get this out of the way I have 29 more days to line up my next date for May...
Boywatch
Today my part-time job has placed me right smack dab in the middle of college life by sitting a student center. As a result, I've been able to divert my attention to all the college co-eds mostly the men however since looking at the females makes me frown as my eyes try to overlook their chosen outfits.
I spotted one fine specimen this morning and in response to recent reader requests I attempted to snap a picture of him. I could only get a side profile with my camera phine and my next attempt was foiled by Valentine's presence.
As I attempted to snap the picture the student noticed that I was eyeing him and began to stare back. Valentine thankfully was oblivious to everything that was occuring except that I had a huge grin on my face but I refused to let him in on the inside joke. Let's hope cutiepie doesn't return anymore today or next Tuesday or else I will have some explaining to do.
I spotted one fine specimen this morning and in response to recent reader requests I attempted to snap a picture of him. I could only get a side profile with my camera phine and my next attempt was foiled by Valentine's presence.
As I attempted to snap the picture the student noticed that I was eyeing him and began to stare back. Valentine thankfully was oblivious to everything that was occuring except that I had a huge grin on my face but I refused to let him in on the inside joke. Let's hope cutiepie doesn't return anymore today or next Tuesday or else I will have some explaining to do.
Wednesday
A word from the Lord???
Yesterday I did some self-reflecting and realized I brought misery on myself for trying to read more into my relationship with Valentine. Despite what other people thought and said, I was the only witness to our one-on-one conversations-especially those about other women coming on to him and how he wasn't interested in being anything other than their friends.
Recently I've prayed for God to show me whether or not this was indeed the person for me and I've learned and seen some interesting things about Valentine that lowers the pedestal I'd originally (and somewhat knowingly) placed him on.
Despite this, I am still interested in being his friend so I remembered the advice of my pharmaceutical friend who said that every relationship needs nuturing or else it will die. So while I was tired last night when he called, I took the time to talk to him and encourage him because yet another woman came on to him and her conclusions and accusations about him were absolutely outlandish!!
And this morning as I waited in my car to enter work, I was reflecting on what his intentions were really-would he ever get back to calling me more than once a day-when my phone rang and it was him.
Whether that was a word or hint from God I'm not sure but I've come back to the realization that being his friend at this moment in time is just fine.
Recently I've prayed for God to show me whether or not this was indeed the person for me and I've learned and seen some interesting things about Valentine that lowers the pedestal I'd originally (and somewhat knowingly) placed him on.
Despite this, I am still interested in being his friend so I remembered the advice of my pharmaceutical friend who said that every relationship needs nuturing or else it will die. So while I was tired last night when he called, I took the time to talk to him and encourage him because yet another woman came on to him and her conclusions and accusations about him were absolutely outlandish!!
And this morning as I waited in my car to enter work, I was reflecting on what his intentions were really-would he ever get back to calling me more than once a day-when my phone rang and it was him.
Whether that was a word or hint from God I'm not sure but I've come back to the realization that being his friend at this moment in time is just fine.
Sunday
Church Disclaimer
In lieu of recent events I feel the need to inform the public of the following disclaimer: I go to church to serve God.
This comes after being blamed or labeled as a golddigger by a guy who attempted to date me at church while I was merely being friendly and one of the reasons he left our congregation.
Also, my new part-time job invloves working at a church 7 days a week and I've been asked several non-essential questions by older, unattractive gentleman who smell fresh meat at the market, NO THANK YOU!!
Please, please let me worship, work and serve God in His temple without being harassed.
Thank you!
This comes after being blamed or labeled as a golddigger by a guy who attempted to date me at church while I was merely being friendly and one of the reasons he left our congregation.
Also, my new part-time job invloves working at a church 7 days a week and I've been asked several non-essential questions by older, unattractive gentleman who smell fresh meat at the market, NO THANK YOU!!
Please, please let me worship, work and serve God in His temple without being harassed.
Thank you!
Spontaneity works
Friday night I was driving home when I happened to pass by Valentine's job and saw he was closing up. I parked the car and waited on him to lock the door.
As he approached his car he realized just who was parked next to him and a smile spread across his face. I got out of my car and he gave me the best hug I've had in a while.
It was a tight squeeze and full-facing and absolutely nothing was improper about it, it was just spontaneous and I could feel the great bond between us in it!
After we separated, I invited him over to my house to feed him and while he ate, I prepped for my next day and traded flirty text messages with March date. When I did sit down, we watched television and browsed through a Bible catalog- I kid you not.
So it wasn't until I was getting ready for bed that I realized how great that hug was and I sent him a text to say so. He didn't respond- I'm sure he was on the phone or it died, but I'm a firm believer that sometimes you just need to tell someone what actions mean the most.
And yesterday when I hugged March date, I reflected to the previous night's hug and suffice it to say Saturday's hug didn't win.
As he approached his car he realized just who was parked next to him and a smile spread across his face. I got out of my car and he gave me the best hug I've had in a while.
It was a tight squeeze and full-facing and absolutely nothing was improper about it, it was just spontaneous and I could feel the great bond between us in it!
After we separated, I invited him over to my house to feed him and while he ate, I prepped for my next day and traded flirty text messages with March date. When I did sit down, we watched television and browsed through a Bible catalog- I kid you not.
So it wasn't until I was getting ready for bed that I realized how great that hug was and I sent him a text to say so. He didn't respond- I'm sure he was on the phone or it died, but I'm a firm believer that sometimes you just need to tell someone what actions mean the most.
And yesterday when I hugged March date, I reflected to the previous night's hug and suffice it to say Saturday's hug didn't win.
30 Rock on topic
Oddly enough I watched my DVR recording of Thursday's episode of 30 Rock and the topic was about settling. Eventually (spoiler alert) Liz decides not to settle and marry a guy with whom she only has a few things in common and drastically strong objections on several things.
It was funny to me because I had the conversation with my date about settling or compromising on the things that we disagreed on. What I just realized as I typed is that I'd rather be alone and available for when the right man comes along than to settle and wait that much longer to be with him since I'm in a relationship with someone else.
It already feels like I've been waiting forever and as much as I'd like to help speed up the process I truly believe the only way I can do that is to wait.
It was funny to me because I had the conversation with my date about settling or compromising on the things that we disagreed on. What I just realized as I typed is that I'd rather be alone and available for when the right man comes along than to settle and wait that much longer to be with him since I'm in a relationship with someone else.
It already feels like I've been waiting forever and as much as I'd like to help speed up the process I truly believe the only way I can do that is to wait.
March Dating Goal Attained
The other day during a few day period of restlessness I decided I wanted to increase my options by going on a date at least once a month.
The sad part about this goal is that I actually thought it might be too difficult given my tendency to only frequent church, the gym, and now my new part-time job. Nevertheless, I said that was my intent and I went on with my life.
Imagine my surprise yesterday that I have already filled my March goal.
The date was at a Chinese Buffet (too bad for him I don't take advantages of a buffet like I used too...) but before we did that we spent the previous hours web chatting until we were both hungry for dinner.
Now unfortunately we discovered we will not be continuning our dating (much to my dismay) because he and I aren't equally yoked in regards to our approach to careers, language, and "recreational" medicine... Of course for him he only felt the last problem was the biggest issue but at the end of the night I heard my spirit tell me to "run." As cute, funny, charming (he convinced me to two-step with him in front of my family the night before)and chivalorous as he is, I don't see myself benefitting from the relationship in growing in Christ. And this statement comes with his wish to attend church with me at his and my services. I really see myself just entering into a den of temptation with him that I would eventually succumb to...
The only thing that makes it weird is that he is a friend of my cousin with whom I will be working very closely over the next few months.
I didn't want to seem rude but when I was up until 230 am putting the finishing touches on a presentation for the next day, I was extremely disgusted that I wasted five hours of my day and one hour of sleep the night before on him. But then I realized I fulfilled my dating goal and it softened the blow.
*sigh* Back to the pool I go..
The sad part about this goal is that I actually thought it might be too difficult given my tendency to only frequent church, the gym, and now my new part-time job. Nevertheless, I said that was my intent and I went on with my life.
Imagine my surprise yesterday that I have already filled my March goal.
The date was at a Chinese Buffet (too bad for him I don't take advantages of a buffet like I used too...) but before we did that we spent the previous hours web chatting until we were both hungry for dinner.
Now unfortunately we discovered we will not be continuning our dating (much to my dismay) because he and I aren't equally yoked in regards to our approach to careers, language, and "recreational" medicine... Of course for him he only felt the last problem was the biggest issue but at the end of the night I heard my spirit tell me to "run." As cute, funny, charming (he convinced me to two-step with him in front of my family the night before)and chivalorous as he is, I don't see myself benefitting from the relationship in growing in Christ. And this statement comes with his wish to attend church with me at his and my services. I really see myself just entering into a den of temptation with him that I would eventually succumb to...
The only thing that makes it weird is that he is a friend of my cousin with whom I will be working very closely over the next few months.
I didn't want to seem rude but when I was up until 230 am putting the finishing touches on a presentation for the next day, I was extremely disgusted that I wasted five hours of my day and one hour of sleep the night before on him. But then I realized I fulfilled my dating goal and it softened the blow.
*sigh* Back to the pool I go..
Perfect Stocking Stuffer
Do you have a guy in your life that is completely clueless or in denial avout his faults that are keeping him from having a successful love life? I read about a book that helps guys zero in on those things that just might help him out.
The name of the book is long so essentially it is called: "Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do..."
The book includes:
Red flags- innoncent mistakes
Storm clouds- more serious offenses that indicate potentially great problems
Not Getting Any- major issues that stop potiential in its tracks
Kiss of Death- exactly what it says
Some offenses that stuck out to me were:
Murse- man purse
Guylights- guy with highlights
Mandals- sandals worn with socks
The author says the purpose of the book is to help men adjust habits for better chances before its too late.
She also states that the biggest turn-on for a woman is a man with confidence- I AGREE! This is called "swag" but today's generation.
The name of the book is long so essentially it is called: "Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do..."
The book includes:
Red flags- innoncent mistakes
Storm clouds- more serious offenses that indicate potentially great problems
Not Getting Any- major issues that stop potiential in its tracks
Kiss of Death- exactly what it says
Some offenses that stuck out to me were:
Murse- man purse
Guylights- guy with highlights
Mandals- sandals worn with socks
The author says the purpose of the book is to help men adjust habits for better chances before its too late.
She also states that the biggest turn-on for a woman is a man with confidence- I AGREE! This is called "swag" but today's generation.
Thursday
Small step for me
On Wednesday my ex (whether he knows it or not) sent me a text asking if I could take him to the airport. Now before I even remembered what a disaster the last time turned out to be, I immediately declined because of how inconvenient it would be for me.
Somehow he always forgets that I have church EVERY Wednesday night and acts surprised when I say I'm not available until after 830 and usually tired so let's pick another night... Not to mention that this day I usually watch two three-year-olds who have their own agendas much different from the one I plan for them between the hours of 8 am -5 pm.
I think he was shocked to actually have me say no to him but I did so with the explanation of my tight schedule that is already laid out for me.
Let's not mention that he lives at least 40 minutes away, another 50 from the airport which is 20 minutes from my church. And I would have to do all this driving during rush hour with no promise of gas money?? I THINK NOT!!!
Sorry buddy, its taken me a while but I finally realize my worth whether you do or not and frankly, the only person who deserves that in our relationship is me not you. In fact, I suggest you ask your sister or the father or your godson to do this since you cancelled our last set of plans to help both of them. They owe you- I don't.
Somehow he always forgets that I have church EVERY Wednesday night and acts surprised when I say I'm not available until after 830 and usually tired so let's pick another night... Not to mention that this day I usually watch two three-year-olds who have their own agendas much different from the one I plan for them between the hours of 8 am -5 pm.
I think he was shocked to actually have me say no to him but I did so with the explanation of my tight schedule that is already laid out for me.
Let's not mention that he lives at least 40 minutes away, another 50 from the airport which is 20 minutes from my church. And I would have to do all this driving during rush hour with no promise of gas money?? I THINK NOT!!!
Sorry buddy, its taken me a while but I finally realize my worth whether you do or not and frankly, the only person who deserves that in our relationship is me not you. In fact, I suggest you ask your sister or the father or your godson to do this since you cancelled our last set of plans to help both of them. They owe you- I don't.
Small step for me
On Wednesday my ex (whether he knows it or not) sent me a text asking if I could take him to the airport. Now before I even remembered what a disaster the last time turned out to be, I immediately declined because of how inconvenient it would be for me.
Somehow he always forgets that I have church EVERY Wednesday night and acts surprised when I say I'm not available until after 830 and usually tired so let's pick another night... Not to mention that this day I usually watch two three-year-olds who have their own agendas much different from the one I plan for them between the hours of 8 am -5 pm.
I think he was shocked to actually have me say no to him but I did so with the explanation of my tight schedule that is already laid out for me.
Let's not mention that he lives at least 40 minutes away, another 50 from the airport which is 20 minutes from my church. And I would have to do all this driving during rush hour with no promise of gas money?? I THINK NOT!!!
Sorry buddy, its taken me a while but I finally realize my worth whether you do or not and frankly, the only person who deserves that in our relationship is me not you. In fact, I suggest you ask your sister or the father or your godson to do this since you cancelled our last set of plans to help both of them. They owe you- I don't.
Somehow he always forgets that I have church EVERY Wednesday night and acts surprised when I say I'm not available until after 830 and usually tired so let's pick another night... Not to mention that this day I usually watch two three-year-olds who have their own agendas much different from the one I plan for them between the hours of 8 am -5 pm.
I think he was shocked to actually have me say no to him but I did so with the explanation of my tight schedule that is already laid out for me.
Let's not mention that he lives at least 40 minutes away, another 50 from the airport which is 20 minutes from my church. And I would have to do all this driving during rush hour with no promise of gas money?? I THINK NOT!!!
Sorry buddy, its taken me a while but I finally realize my worth whether you do or not and frankly, the only person who deserves that in our relationship is me not you. In fact, I suggest you ask your sister or the father or your godson to do this since you cancelled our last set of plans to help both of them. They owe you- I don't.
Fashion consultant
I've become Valentine's official fashion consultant. Never mind that he has a sister who's won a beauty pageant, its me he calls to approve or improve his wardrobe choices.
From shirts to shoes I've helped him pick out his newest selections for work and church. The cool thing is that he values my opinion. The not-so-great thing is that I'm so good that other women flock to compliment him, including his ex-girlfriend...
Today we discussed his look for church this Sunday. An outfit that I was originally supposed to see but given the recent actions of the ex- I may not see...*sigh* that Marriable book was right being friends is pointless-someone always falls for the other one. I wish I was the oblivious one this time around.
From shirts to shoes I've helped him pick out his newest selections for work and church. The cool thing is that he values my opinion. The not-so-great thing is that I'm so good that other women flock to compliment him, including his ex-girlfriend...
Today we discussed his look for church this Sunday. An outfit that I was originally supposed to see but given the recent actions of the ex- I may not see...*sigh* that Marriable book was right being friends is pointless-someone always falls for the other one. I wish I was the oblivious one this time around.
A Prayer Answer
Usually I don't pray for things that are trivial but I have to admit tonight I actually prayed for a phone call from Valentine...multiple times.
Thankfully God answered that prayer and I now have the biggest smile on my face.
It's been weird this week not talking to him very night. I actually thought I'd been bumped from the conversation rotation and sent him a text saying so and (spitefully I will admit) joking that I would have to start talking to the new guy I met at the gym from here on out.
Of course I got a call as soon as he read the text and he began to question me about the guy who is of no consequence only to hold it over his head in times like these.
Nevertheless I was promised a call back as soon as he settles in and finishes dinner and I think my mind can finally rest at ease.
If it helps (my conscience at least) I did have an honest talk with God about my feelings at this point and asking for clarity. I think sometimes our human brains work faster than God wants us to and that causes us a lot of trouble. Let go, Let God-my 2010 motto that I still haven't mastered apparently.
Happy phone convos this weekend!
Thankfully God answered that prayer and I now have the biggest smile on my face.
It's been weird this week not talking to him very night. I actually thought I'd been bumped from the conversation rotation and sent him a text saying so and (spitefully I will admit) joking that I would have to start talking to the new guy I met at the gym from here on out.
Of course I got a call as soon as he read the text and he began to question me about the guy who is of no consequence only to hold it over his head in times like these.
Nevertheless I was promised a call back as soon as he settles in and finishes dinner and I think my mind can finally rest at ease.
If it helps (my conscience at least) I did have an honest talk with God about my feelings at this point and asking for clarity. I think sometimes our human brains work faster than God wants us to and that causes us a lot of trouble. Let go, Let God-my 2010 motto that I still haven't mastered apparently.
Happy phone convos this weekend!
Wednesday
Intimacy Article
As life would have it, someone shared this article about intimacy with me today. Totally explains what I experience with Valentine on the recreational, emotional and spiritual levels. Pretty cool:
AFFECTIONAL INTIMACY
“Affectional Intimacy usually comes from the sharing of affection through ugging, holding, a hand or a touch on the shoulder,” says Mason. But even a glance can be “touching”. Editor and author Asha Bandele remmebers such a moment. One day, as she lay reading next to her then two-month old baby, she felt a tiny tug on her sweater. “I looked down at Nisa’s little face and she fust fixed her eyes on me this purposeful, aware sort of way,” says Bandele. “Then she reached up and held my face in her hands. She was still staring straight at me, and her face lit up into this big smile. With that simple act of touch I felt truly, deeply loved by her. As a new mother, you know you’re needed But you don’t know for a long time that you’re loved.”
To make the connection: Reach out and touch someone. Treat your honey to a foot massage or give Mom a manicure. Touch is a bond you can share with anyone. Know that some types of touching may be uncomfortable for people who have been abused or who aren’t from physically expressive families, so make sure you have their permission before you reach out.
RECREATIONAL INTIMACY
“Recreational Intimacy comes through sharing a sport, hobby, or other activity,” Mason says. An African-dance class with your daughter, a raucous night of bid whist with your college pals, even working on the family tree with Dad can be forms of shared closeness. When Californian Celeste Alleyne Turner, 41, started in-line skating along the scenic 14-mile Venice-to-Malibu boardwalk, her new pastime allowed her to strike up a friendship with Jenny Ishihara. “Jenny is someone I trust,” she says. “We share everything—from intimate details about our relationship to family issues and career strategies. At times we’ll simply point out the beauty we’re experiencing.”
To make the connection: Make a list of five activities you enjoy or might like to try. For each, list two people who might also have fun doing it, then call and make a date. Be sure to include your spouse or partner on your list—and be flexible. If he’s not into antiquing, join him at the auto show.
SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
“Spiritual Intimacy comes from sharing an experience that connects our spiritual center, our core, with another or others—though the actual experience may occur when we’re alone,” says Mason. It is a feeling of oneness that may or may not be experienced in a religious context. Anne Guenther, a naturalist from New Paltz, New York, was walking through the woods late in her pregnancy. She noticed movements in the bushes and then spotted a doe that was very close to giving birth. They both stopped and stood perfectly silent. “Our eyes met and I was consumed by total awareness of our oneness with the universal creative power,” Guenther remembers. “Everything else fell away, and I felt my breathing and that doe and the circle of life.”
To make the connection: Find a tranquil place where you can spend a few moments each day in solitude. Focus on your breathing and practice being aware and present in the moment. To develop a spiritual union with others, share your prayer or meditation experiences and other spiritual insights.
INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY
Sharing ideas and intimate thoughts creates intellectual intimacy, says Mason. Wendy Petties, 32, of New York City has such a bond with a man who has become one of her closest friends. “We’re strictly platonic,” she says. “We just click as mental equals. He’s the person I call or E-mail if I need a sounding board or just another point of view. We debate, we explore, we fight with our hearts and souls, but always with respect. Never before have had I felt so at ease about speaking my mind.”
To make the connection: Ask someone’s opinion or advice on a matter that’s of importance to you—and then listen to what they have to say with your full attention. To relate to your partner or someone else that he or she may be an expert in different areas from yours –grassroots politics, hip-hop as a social commentary or sports physiology, for example. Remember, there are many kinds of intelligence.
EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
“There will generally only be a small circle of people with whom we’re emotionally intimate,” Mason says. “These are the people with whom we’re completely open and vulnerable. If you want emotional intimacy, let your humanness show. We need to get beyond ‘everything’s fine’.” Benita Horn of Seattle is glad she did. A month before a long-anticipated trip to Kenya with six other African-American women, her marriage dissolved. Devastated, she considered with-drawing from the trip, but the organizer suggested that “a month from now, being with a group of women may be the best place to be.” She was right, Horn says. “During our travels, our group bonded in a way I had never before experienced,” she recalls. “The emotional and spiritual support helped heal me and return me to my sense of well-being.”
To make the connection: Reveal something personal about yourself—something that makes you feel vulnerable—to someone you trust and would like to be closer to. Share your triumphs as well as your woes. Tell your brother, your girlfriend, and your sweetie how much they mean to you.
AESTHETIC INTIMACY
Beauty is the bond we share when we’re aesthetically intimate. “Being creative together or sharing an appreciation of art, film, music or nature is a special kind of closeness,” says Jewel Diamond Taylor. She recalls one such experience: “I was driving home with my five closest friends, and we pulled off along a quiet, deserted stretch of beach. The sun was sinking into the horizon, and we found this long driftwood log and just sat and watched the gorgeous colors. All of a sudden we saw it—the first star in the darkening sky, ‘the Evening Star’ We all blurted out at once. It was just like the movie. You see, we’d all seen The Evening Star, that movie with Jack Nicholson and Shirley MacLaine, and it’s a favorite of ours. There’s a scene where they’re sitting side by side on a log, on a deserted beach, sharing the sunset and a very special closeness. And we realized—no one had to say anything—that we were being blessed with this too. It was one of those rare moments. No one else would have gotten it.
To make the connection:
SOCIAL INTIMACY
Social intimacy comes from group togetherness. Protest rallies, book clubs, work-task groups and 12-step meetings can all be opportunities for closeness, Mason says. “I don’t know what I’d do without my sister circle,” says Wendy Petties of New York. “It includes my sister, our mutual friends and assorted relatives and loved ones—25 of us, ranging in age from 22-60.” They meet often, but have special gatherings on the first Sunday in January, when they take turns sharing their proudest achievements of the past year and their dreams for the coming year. And when someone needs something,” Petties says, “we band together and make it happen. I’ll never forget a day two winters ago. I was scheduled to have surgery in a week, for ovarian cancer. It was freezing out. That day my popes burst and my house was flooded. My mom and sister called everyone, and 19 of them showed up, grabbled boxes and moved me to my sister’s place. I never would have survived without their love, prayers, and support.
To make the connection: Call five people who matter to you and invite them over to play cards, share a meal or give one another facials. Volunteer at a senior center or food pantry, or join a club that puts you in regular contact with a group of people you enjoy.
PHYSICAL INTIMACY
“People can experience closeness through working together,” says Mason. This reminded me of a couple I know who had some of their best talks while laying tile in their new home. You might say their special bond is epoxy. Motivational Speaker Taylor sees this as an ideal way to link up with the men in your life, since guys are task-oriented. “As my two sons were growing up, I learned that sitting them down and asking ‘What’s going on with you?’ was not always the way to connect with them,” she says
To make the connection: Tell your teen “You wash, I’ll dry.” Pick a home-improvement project you can work on with your partner. Start a crafts circle with your girlfriends or church group. As spring rolls around, check into volunteer activities such as a local park cleanup or community-garden project.
SEXUAL INTIMACY
“I can think of only one relationship where I truly experienced lovemaking, not just sex,” says Lisa Richardson (this name has been changed), 28, of New York City. Too many of us fail to realize there’s a difference. True sexual intimacy doesn’t exist without an emotional, affectional, and spiritual bond. Sharing your body with a partner who appreciates you on many other levels is what makes sexual intimacy possible, says Taylor. “You need to be open and vulnerable,” she adds. “You need to be comfortable with the lights on or off. You need to be vocal—to say where you do and don’t want to be touched.” In her workshops, Taylor has encountered many sisters who find sexual intimacy elusive, especially those who have survived sexual abuse. But she has observed that forming other types of tight-knit relationships during a period of celibacy has helped many to heal. “Making intimate connections, finding a safe and accepting place to tell you story, is very freeing.” She says, “Silence kills closeness. Intimacy is all about honesty.”
To make the connection: Lear to love and appreciate your own body: Make workouts a priority. Schedule a massage. Lear to talk with your partner about sex—your likes and dislikes, fantasies, experiences—outside the bedroom when the sexual pressure is off. During lovemaking enjoy exploring your bodies together, talking time to learn which touches are most pleasing to each of you. You’ll find sex takes on wonderful new dimensions.
AFFECTIONAL INTIMACY
“Affectional Intimacy usually comes from the sharing of affection through ugging, holding, a hand or a touch on the shoulder,” says Mason. But even a glance can be “touching”. Editor and author Asha Bandele remmebers such a moment. One day, as she lay reading next to her then two-month old baby, she felt a tiny tug on her sweater. “I looked down at Nisa’s little face and she fust fixed her eyes on me this purposeful, aware sort of way,” says Bandele. “Then she reached up and held my face in her hands. She was still staring straight at me, and her face lit up into this big smile. With that simple act of touch I felt truly, deeply loved by her. As a new mother, you know you’re needed But you don’t know for a long time that you’re loved.”
To make the connection: Reach out and touch someone. Treat your honey to a foot massage or give Mom a manicure. Touch is a bond you can share with anyone. Know that some types of touching may be uncomfortable for people who have been abused or who aren’t from physically expressive families, so make sure you have their permission before you reach out.
RECREATIONAL INTIMACY
“Recreational Intimacy comes through sharing a sport, hobby, or other activity,” Mason says. An African-dance class with your daughter, a raucous night of bid whist with your college pals, even working on the family tree with Dad can be forms of shared closeness. When Californian Celeste Alleyne Turner, 41, started in-line skating along the scenic 14-mile Venice-to-Malibu boardwalk, her new pastime allowed her to strike up a friendship with Jenny Ishihara. “Jenny is someone I trust,” she says. “We share everything—from intimate details about our relationship to family issues and career strategies. At times we’ll simply point out the beauty we’re experiencing.”
To make the connection: Make a list of five activities you enjoy or might like to try. For each, list two people who might also have fun doing it, then call and make a date. Be sure to include your spouse or partner on your list—and be flexible. If he’s not into antiquing, join him at the auto show.
SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
“Spiritual Intimacy comes from sharing an experience that connects our spiritual center, our core, with another or others—though the actual experience may occur when we’re alone,” says Mason. It is a feeling of oneness that may or may not be experienced in a religious context. Anne Guenther, a naturalist from New Paltz, New York, was walking through the woods late in her pregnancy. She noticed movements in the bushes and then spotted a doe that was very close to giving birth. They both stopped and stood perfectly silent. “Our eyes met and I was consumed by total awareness of our oneness with the universal creative power,” Guenther remembers. “Everything else fell away, and I felt my breathing and that doe and the circle of life.”
To make the connection: Find a tranquil place where you can spend a few moments each day in solitude. Focus on your breathing and practice being aware and present in the moment. To develop a spiritual union with others, share your prayer or meditation experiences and other spiritual insights.
INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY
Sharing ideas and intimate thoughts creates intellectual intimacy, says Mason. Wendy Petties, 32, of New York City has such a bond with a man who has become one of her closest friends. “We’re strictly platonic,” she says. “We just click as mental equals. He’s the person I call or E-mail if I need a sounding board or just another point of view. We debate, we explore, we fight with our hearts and souls, but always with respect. Never before have had I felt so at ease about speaking my mind.”
To make the connection: Ask someone’s opinion or advice on a matter that’s of importance to you—and then listen to what they have to say with your full attention. To relate to your partner or someone else that he or she may be an expert in different areas from yours –grassroots politics, hip-hop as a social commentary or sports physiology, for example. Remember, there are many kinds of intelligence.
EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
“There will generally only be a small circle of people with whom we’re emotionally intimate,” Mason says. “These are the people with whom we’re completely open and vulnerable. If you want emotional intimacy, let your humanness show. We need to get beyond ‘everything’s fine’.” Benita Horn of Seattle is glad she did. A month before a long-anticipated trip to Kenya with six other African-American women, her marriage dissolved. Devastated, she considered with-drawing from the trip, but the organizer suggested that “a month from now, being with a group of women may be the best place to be.” She was right, Horn says. “During our travels, our group bonded in a way I had never before experienced,” she recalls. “The emotional and spiritual support helped heal me and return me to my sense of well-being.”
To make the connection: Reveal something personal about yourself—something that makes you feel vulnerable—to someone you trust and would like to be closer to. Share your triumphs as well as your woes. Tell your brother, your girlfriend, and your sweetie how much they mean to you.
AESTHETIC INTIMACY
Beauty is the bond we share when we’re aesthetically intimate. “Being creative together or sharing an appreciation of art, film, music or nature is a special kind of closeness,” says Jewel Diamond Taylor. She recalls one such experience: “I was driving home with my five closest friends, and we pulled off along a quiet, deserted stretch of beach. The sun was sinking into the horizon, and we found this long driftwood log and just sat and watched the gorgeous colors. All of a sudden we saw it—the first star in the darkening sky, ‘the Evening Star’ We all blurted out at once. It was just like the movie. You see, we’d all seen The Evening Star, that movie with Jack Nicholson and Shirley MacLaine, and it’s a favorite of ours. There’s a scene where they’re sitting side by side on a log, on a deserted beach, sharing the sunset and a very special closeness. And we realized—no one had to say anything—that we were being blessed with this too. It was one of those rare moments. No one else would have gotten it.
To make the connection:
SOCIAL INTIMACY
Social intimacy comes from group togetherness. Protest rallies, book clubs, work-task groups and 12-step meetings can all be opportunities for closeness, Mason says. “I don’t know what I’d do without my sister circle,” says Wendy Petties of New York. “It includes my sister, our mutual friends and assorted relatives and loved ones—25 of us, ranging in age from 22-60.” They meet often, but have special gatherings on the first Sunday in January, when they take turns sharing their proudest achievements of the past year and their dreams for the coming year. And when someone needs something,” Petties says, “we band together and make it happen. I’ll never forget a day two winters ago. I was scheduled to have surgery in a week, for ovarian cancer. It was freezing out. That day my popes burst and my house was flooded. My mom and sister called everyone, and 19 of them showed up, grabbled boxes and moved me to my sister’s place. I never would have survived without their love, prayers, and support.
To make the connection: Call five people who matter to you and invite them over to play cards, share a meal or give one another facials. Volunteer at a senior center or food pantry, or join a club that puts you in regular contact with a group of people you enjoy.
PHYSICAL INTIMACY
“People can experience closeness through working together,” says Mason. This reminded me of a couple I know who had some of their best talks while laying tile in their new home. You might say their special bond is epoxy. Motivational Speaker Taylor sees this as an ideal way to link up with the men in your life, since guys are task-oriented. “As my two sons were growing up, I learned that sitting them down and asking ‘What’s going on with you?’ was not always the way to connect with them,” she says
To make the connection: Tell your teen “You wash, I’ll dry.” Pick a home-improvement project you can work on with your partner. Start a crafts circle with your girlfriends or church group. As spring rolls around, check into volunteer activities such as a local park cleanup or community-garden project.
SEXUAL INTIMACY
“I can think of only one relationship where I truly experienced lovemaking, not just sex,” says Lisa Richardson (this name has been changed), 28, of New York City. Too many of us fail to realize there’s a difference. True sexual intimacy doesn’t exist without an emotional, affectional, and spiritual bond. Sharing your body with a partner who appreciates you on many other levels is what makes sexual intimacy possible, says Taylor. “You need to be open and vulnerable,” she adds. “You need to be comfortable with the lights on or off. You need to be vocal—to say where you do and don’t want to be touched.” In her workshops, Taylor has encountered many sisters who find sexual intimacy elusive, especially those who have survived sexual abuse. But she has observed that forming other types of tight-knit relationships during a period of celibacy has helped many to heal. “Making intimate connections, finding a safe and accepting place to tell you story, is very freeing.” She says, “Silence kills closeness. Intimacy is all about honesty.”
To make the connection: Lear to love and appreciate your own body: Make workouts a priority. Schedule a massage. Lear to talk with your partner about sex—your likes and dislikes, fantasies, experiences—outside the bedroom when the sexual pressure is off. During lovemaking enjoy exploring your bodies together, talking time to learn which touches are most pleasing to each of you. You’ll find sex takes on wonderful new dimensions.
Monday
Traditions
I used to think that only me and my ex-boyfriend could have a relationship with lots of inside jokes. BOY was I wrong.
Valentine and I have several inside jokes that only he and I get no matter how corny they are. I won't even share them because they are so dorky and really will only be funny if they stay between us.
But I have noticed how he and I have certain habits we've fallen into that can be, if continued over a long time, considered traditions.
My favorite (that I will share) is our fortune cookie tradition. He knows that I don't believe in horoscopes or fortunes, but since we eat at Chinese and Japanese (you know I must really like his friendship for me to eat at these places...) we get fortune cookies with our meal.
According to him, my first fortune was better than his so now he's turned it into a competition. Now whenever we get fortune cookies, one of us has to open first and then we decide who gets the better fortune.
On Thursday, we were forced to share the fortune, which was as universally generic as they come so we both voted it a thumbs down.
Regardless, it feels good to start new positive traditions with someone else no matter how insignificant they may seem to others.
Valentine and I have several inside jokes that only he and I get no matter how corny they are. I won't even share them because they are so dorky and really will only be funny if they stay between us.
But I have noticed how he and I have certain habits we've fallen into that can be, if continued over a long time, considered traditions.
My favorite (that I will share) is our fortune cookie tradition. He knows that I don't believe in horoscopes or fortunes, but since we eat at Chinese and Japanese (you know I must really like his friendship for me to eat at these places...) we get fortune cookies with our meal.
According to him, my first fortune was better than his so now he's turned it into a competition. Now whenever we get fortune cookies, one of us has to open first and then we decide who gets the better fortune.
On Thursday, we were forced to share the fortune, which was as universally generic as they come so we both voted it a thumbs down.
Regardless, it feels good to start new positive traditions with someone else no matter how insignificant they may seem to others.
You Wish
Since today was the first time we'd actually had a lengthy conversation, Valentine finally asked what I know was a burning question for him. And I had to laugh when he asked it.
As casual as he tried to phrase it, the question was hilarious: "So did anyone ask where your boyfriend was at church yesterday?"
Again: funny!
Especially since no one asked! Granted, I didn't talk to many people because I was busy pretty much the whole service and made a beeline for the car after so that I could go home to eat but even still, he wasn't introduced to enough people for anyone to ask.
BUT, I did try to soften the blow and tell him that I didn't get to introduce him to enough people because not everyone he met came to church yesterday. And I promised to introduce him to more people when he comes back, which he agreed he would.
He also made a point to tell me I made the video presentation of the coffee house I attended at his church. As he put it, "yeah, you were on there several times."
Whatever. I still can't get over the question and my answer. Definitely not what he was expecting, I don't think. Which makes me want to say, "why don't you just go ahead..."well, never mind. Patience!!
As casual as he tried to phrase it, the question was hilarious: "So did anyone ask where your boyfriend was at church yesterday?"
Again: funny!
Especially since no one asked! Granted, I didn't talk to many people because I was busy pretty much the whole service and made a beeline for the car after so that I could go home to eat but even still, he wasn't introduced to enough people for anyone to ask.
BUT, I did try to soften the blow and tell him that I didn't get to introduce him to enough people because not everyone he met came to church yesterday. And I promised to introduce him to more people when he comes back, which he agreed he would.
He also made a point to tell me I made the video presentation of the coffee house I attended at his church. As he put it, "yeah, you were on there several times."
Whatever. I still can't get over the question and my answer. Definitely not what he was expecting, I don't think. Which makes me want to say, "why don't you just go ahead..."well, never mind. Patience!!
Intimacy
Two years ago I had a good laugh with a co-worker over how much she hated the word intimacy. Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" video had just been released and of course that word was mentioned in the opening.
I've never had a problem with the word but I have had a problem using it correctly.
I think now I know the true meaning. The reason being because I have intimacy with Valentine.
Whether it's something good or bad, I know I can share it with him and vice versa.
Also, anyone who can eat off my plate no problem, or that automatically knows when I'm going to scoop something off my plate has to have a level of understanding about me and my actions.
I think the true reason this can happen is because we are so open about our relationship with Christ. When we relate our frustrations or highs and encourage each other, there's a level or authenticity that doesn't come in everyday conversations about television or worldly things.
I cherish our talks and miss them when they don't occur, BUT I know there is one person greater with whom I have an even more intimate conversation and I can't ever forget to keep talking and nurturing that relationship.
I've never had a problem with the word but I have had a problem using it correctly.
I think now I know the true meaning. The reason being because I have intimacy with Valentine.
Whether it's something good or bad, I know I can share it with him and vice versa.
Also, anyone who can eat off my plate no problem, or that automatically knows when I'm going to scoop something off my plate has to have a level of understanding about me and my actions.
I think the true reason this can happen is because we are so open about our relationship with Christ. When we relate our frustrations or highs and encourage each other, there's a level or authenticity that doesn't come in everyday conversations about television or worldly things.
I cherish our talks and miss them when they don't occur, BUT I know there is one person greater with whom I have an even more intimate conversation and I can't ever forget to keep talking and nurturing that relationship.
Case of the Ex
Mya had a great song that pretty much sums up what I'm dealing with con Valentine at the moment. The song asks the man what is he going to do or how will he react when his ex-girlfriend begins to reveal that she still has feelings for him.
In my case, I'd already hinted to Valentine that this would happen and asked him how he would handle it. Naively, he shrugged off my questions but now the time has come for action.
The sad part is it is messing with my visit to his church. He and I attend church of different denominations so our worship experiences are totally different. He liked what he saw at my church last week and I really wanted to return the favor by attending his church, especially since the people I've met at different functions have asked him when I will visit.
It's just how I was raised. Someone does something for you, you do it back to show your appreciation.
So today my plans for this Sunday fell through and I told him I'd bump up my visit to his church by a week if that worked for him. Initially he was excited but then when he and I discussed everything that transpired between him and his ex-girlfriend over the last week he admitted he didn't think it was a good idea.
Now, I'll admit selfishly I wanted to attend on Sunday just to make a point. As I told him- I don't start anything so I have no reason not to come PLUS he invited me. But after we hung up, I decided that if he doesn't have a good feeling about it, I shouldn't intentionally walk into a situation that will knowingly cause drama for him. Especially since I do have these feelings for him deep down inside.
I sent him a text telling him that we should pray on it and decide what to do later this week so now I'm just waiting to hear from the Lord on what to do. Sigh, who thought going to church would cause so much drama??
In my case, I'd already hinted to Valentine that this would happen and asked him how he would handle it. Naively, he shrugged off my questions but now the time has come for action.
The sad part is it is messing with my visit to his church. He and I attend church of different denominations so our worship experiences are totally different. He liked what he saw at my church last week and I really wanted to return the favor by attending his church, especially since the people I've met at different functions have asked him when I will visit.
It's just how I was raised. Someone does something for you, you do it back to show your appreciation.
So today my plans for this Sunday fell through and I told him I'd bump up my visit to his church by a week if that worked for him. Initially he was excited but then when he and I discussed everything that transpired between him and his ex-girlfriend over the last week he admitted he didn't think it was a good idea.
Now, I'll admit selfishly I wanted to attend on Sunday just to make a point. As I told him- I don't start anything so I have no reason not to come PLUS he invited me. But after we hung up, I decided that if he doesn't have a good feeling about it, I shouldn't intentionally walk into a situation that will knowingly cause drama for him. Especially since I do have these feelings for him deep down inside.
I sent him a text telling him that we should pray on it and decide what to do later this week so now I'm just waiting to hear from the Lord on what to do. Sigh, who thought going to church would cause so much drama??
Sunday
My List
A few months ago when I got back together with my ex-boyfriend I made a list of the things that bothered me about our relationship. At lunch I was telling my guy friend that I've found my list of things I wanted in a man in my new friend Valentine. Because of his closeness to the ex, I made sure to let him know Valentine and I are just friends so it was just reassuring to me that there was a man out there who fit what I was looking for so there was hope I could find that man for myself.
I didn't tell him that secretly I hope and believe Valentine is that man, but I came across this list and had to share it. It's been weighing on me since my Bible Study last week was about Godly relationships and essentially that's what I've been wanting/wanted with my ex. Here it is:
1. No more canceled dates - with the exception of oversleeping the gym, Valentine has fulfilled all plans-including the difficult ones.
2. Advance notice on dates- He's a planner for sure and there's usually at the least one day in advance notice of planning even if we aren't sure exactly what we are going to do.
3. Phone calls in b/t days we don't see each other-not just texts - I haven't had to worry about this since day one. Mostly, it's texts throughout the day until he can actually have a phone conversation. I love hearing his ring tone!
4. Going to church together- We've both attended events at each other's church and now we just have to get to an actual service.
5. Praying together- We pray before meals and we pray for each other and each other's friends and loved ones. I always say the friends that pray together, stay together.
6. Honest dialogue in person/over the phone even on tough subjects- With the exception of him admitting (whether he realized it or not) that he has told me at least one untruth he is very honest and open about everything. I have learned to read his body language and how he can be evasive when he has plans that don't involve me but I'm very content with my life and I try to not stress out when he hangs out with other women whom he calls friends. Especially when he calls me immediately after he finishes hanging out with them to tell me about their activities. Including if they come on to him.
7. Acknowledgment of special days w/gifts or card- His name is Valentine-need I say more? Oh and the fact that my b-day is programmed in his phone so he won't forget it.
I need to know things have changed or that they can. I don't like having to beg for information he should just supply. I don't want to feel I come second to everyone else in his life. I need his trust that I can be understanding even when the news may be disappointing. Its only when he acts like a coward that I get angry... I don't want him to mistake my being with him for not having options-I need him to be the man who he wants to be. And if he can't, I need to leave. - Whenever I'm with Valentine I feel safe and protected and that I'm the only thing that matters. I have his undivided attention and I like giving him mine. We complement each other very well in personality and I like knowing that if his family had an activity, he would bring me along no problem or explain the conflict as soon as he could so that I could change my plans accordingly.
So there you have it. That's my list of notes I scribbled on my blackberry a few months ago. God answers prayers, sometimes you just have to wait on Him to do so.
I didn't tell him that secretly I hope and believe Valentine is that man, but I came across this list and had to share it. It's been weighing on me since my Bible Study last week was about Godly relationships and essentially that's what I've been wanting/wanted with my ex. Here it is:
1. No more canceled dates - with the exception of oversleeping the gym, Valentine has fulfilled all plans-including the difficult ones.
2. Advance notice on dates- He's a planner for sure and there's usually at the least one day in advance notice of planning even if we aren't sure exactly what we are going to do.
3. Phone calls in b/t days we don't see each other-not just texts - I haven't had to worry about this since day one. Mostly, it's texts throughout the day until he can actually have a phone conversation. I love hearing his ring tone!
4. Going to church together- We've both attended events at each other's church and now we just have to get to an actual service.
5. Praying together- We pray before meals and we pray for each other and each other's friends and loved ones. I always say the friends that pray together, stay together.
6. Honest dialogue in person/over the phone even on tough subjects- With the exception of him admitting (whether he realized it or not) that he has told me at least one untruth he is very honest and open about everything. I have learned to read his body language and how he can be evasive when he has plans that don't involve me but I'm very content with my life and I try to not stress out when he hangs out with other women whom he calls friends. Especially when he calls me immediately after he finishes hanging out with them to tell me about their activities. Including if they come on to him.
7. Acknowledgment of special days w/gifts or card- His name is Valentine-need I say more? Oh and the fact that my b-day is programmed in his phone so he won't forget it.
I need to know things have changed or that they can. I don't like having to beg for information he should just supply. I don't want to feel I come second to everyone else in his life. I need his trust that I can be understanding even when the news may be disappointing. Its only when he acts like a coward that I get angry... I don't want him to mistake my being with him for not having options-I need him to be the man who he wants to be. And if he can't, I need to leave. - Whenever I'm with Valentine I feel safe and protected and that I'm the only thing that matters. I have his undivided attention and I like giving him mine. We complement each other very well in personality and I like knowing that if his family had an activity, he would bring me along no problem or explain the conflict as soon as he could so that I could change my plans accordingly.
So there you have it. That's my list of notes I scribbled on my blackberry a few months ago. God answers prayers, sometimes you just have to wait on Him to do so.
Meet the Parents
The next few weeks or months will be extremely interesting with regards to Valentine.
To date, far he's met my entire immediate family while I have not met his mom or dad. The other night he mentioned wanting to take a visit to see his dad who lives about 20 minutes away and I told him I'd like that. I'd also like to meet his mom because from what he's shared, she seems like a really fun person.
Of course, on my side this means that he will have to meet my godparents. And while some people may think he's in the clear because he's met my parents already, I have to admit my godparents, my godfather in particular, are MUCH more tougher. If you don't believe me, ask my high school boyfriend.
The fact that we are planning whom we'd like the other to meet that means the most is a good sign that each of us sees that person connecting with these people or being a good judge of character. Which makes me think about how I must behave correctly at all times because my world is getting smaller and smaller as the days go by.
On Thursday, I had to pick him up from the barber shop and he asked me to come in just so his barber could see me. I pray despite all my anxiety for getting to the church on time I put in a good impression and didn't appear rude. I noticed that is something I need to work on and I want to do nothing but be a better person when he's around. I know I'm human but there's always room for improvement but my impatience is the one area that I can definitely tame in the days to come.
I'd hate to have had a bad encounter with anyone he introduces me to and then have to justify my bad behavior. So, my new mantra is: relax, relate, release...
But the most important thing is to go with the flow and let him plan when these meetings happen. I WILL not rush into anything but I'm also anxious to meet his parents. In two weeks I'm scheduled to attend church with him. I think I'll start planning my outfit now.
To date, far he's met my entire immediate family while I have not met his mom or dad. The other night he mentioned wanting to take a visit to see his dad who lives about 20 minutes away and I told him I'd like that. I'd also like to meet his mom because from what he's shared, she seems like a really fun person.
Of course, on my side this means that he will have to meet my godparents. And while some people may think he's in the clear because he's met my parents already, I have to admit my godparents, my godfather in particular, are MUCH more tougher. If you don't believe me, ask my high school boyfriend.
The fact that we are planning whom we'd like the other to meet that means the most is a good sign that each of us sees that person connecting with these people or being a good judge of character. Which makes me think about how I must behave correctly at all times because my world is getting smaller and smaller as the days go by.
On Thursday, I had to pick him up from the barber shop and he asked me to come in just so his barber could see me. I pray despite all my anxiety for getting to the church on time I put in a good impression and didn't appear rude. I noticed that is something I need to work on and I want to do nothing but be a better person when he's around. I know I'm human but there's always room for improvement but my impatience is the one area that I can definitely tame in the days to come.
I'd hate to have had a bad encounter with anyone he introduces me to and then have to justify my bad behavior. So, my new mantra is: relax, relate, release...
But the most important thing is to go with the flow and let him plan when these meetings happen. I WILL not rush into anything but I'm also anxious to meet his parents. In two weeks I'm scheduled to attend church with him. I think I'll start planning my outfit now.
Feb. 26
Again, Valentine is a man of his word. During the last week of my training schedule my training told me I could have cashews. Immediately following my workout I drove to Walgreens with Valentine and he bought my cashews for me --which happened to be on sale.
I told him how much I loved cashews and that I'd been missing them and that was the end of our conversation.
The next day he told me he would buy me more cashews on February 26. When I asked what was the significance was of that day he said he wasn't sure but that was the day he would buy them.
I actually remembered this on Thursday, but during another trip to Walgreens together, I purchased some more when we picked up his orange juice and Claritin.
So I was pleasantly surprised on Friday, Feb. 26 when I got a text saying, I bought your cashews. Not only did he remember but he did it on the exact day he said he would.
I've yet to see or receive said cashews but yesterday I got a call with a stern warning not to buy any cashews because he had them for me. I'm almost finished with my can from Thursday (I promise to slow down soon) so I hope I get them soon!
His gesture reminds me of the relationship tip William Forrester gives Jamal Wallace in the movie Finding Forrester "An unexpected gift at an unexpected time." While he forecasted the cashews, and to some extent the t-shirt and other V-day gift he gave me, they are still unexpected and appreciated.
I told him how much I loved cashews and that I'd been missing them and that was the end of our conversation.
The next day he told me he would buy me more cashews on February 26. When I asked what was the significance was of that day he said he wasn't sure but that was the day he would buy them.
I actually remembered this on Thursday, but during another trip to Walgreens together, I purchased some more when we picked up his orange juice and Claritin.
So I was pleasantly surprised on Friday, Feb. 26 when I got a text saying, I bought your cashews. Not only did he remember but he did it on the exact day he said he would.
I've yet to see or receive said cashews but yesterday I got a call with a stern warning not to buy any cashews because he had them for me. I'm almost finished with my can from Thursday (I promise to slow down soon) so I hope I get them soon!
His gesture reminds me of the relationship tip William Forrester gives Jamal Wallace in the movie Finding Forrester "An unexpected gift at an unexpected time." While he forecasted the cashews, and to some extent the t-shirt and other V-day gift he gave me, they are still unexpected and appreciated.
Above and Beyond
Something happened this week between me and Valentine that has placed him closer to the top of my best male friend list. If he were my boyfriend, there's no doubt he'd be at the top, but he's not so he's still being judged by the other friends.
Last Saturday I received the news that my youth matron from church had passed. This woman meant so much to me because of all the things she taught me not only about Christ but also about life. In her final weeks I would visit her at the hospital or home and I mentioned this to Valentine. He was impressed with her impact on my life and even bought her a card telling her this. When I shared the news that she died and told him when the services were scheduled he told me he had the day off and he wanted to come with me.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Honestly, I was cynical because I've had other guys promise things before realizing the weight of the promise, so I didn't tell many people. I kept it to myself and even gave him more than one chance to renege on his promise. He didn't. In fact, he kept saying he was going to spend his entire day with me.
So on Thursday morning he accompanied me to the memorial service. I introduced him to some but not all of my favorite people including my pastor's wife. She of course, made a comment about him being my "man" but I tried to make sure she knew we were friends. Apparently, no one else is buying that excuse but us.
I planned to take him to one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants after but it was closed so instead we went to lunch with my entire family at Cracker Barrel- a first for him.
He'd mentioned that his little brother had a track meet so I offered for us to attend it but instead he wanted to rest before hitting the gym. As we all know, I never resist a nap so I slept on the couch after convincing him that he should sleep in his bed and that I'd be fine.
An hour later he was determined to hit the gym although I tried to make him stay since he'd developed a cough and was sneezing. My vote apparently didn't count. Once we arrived he kept looking for my parents because he and my dad had discussed coming around 6 pm and he wanted to keep his word. What we didn't know was that my father on the other hand had fallen asleep and would not make it that night.
As we left his place to venture to the gym, I got in my car and he in his so I knew we'd part ways after the gym. Boy, was I wrong. As we walked in the parking lot he asked what we were eating for dinner and suggested his favorite Chinese place. We got there pretty close to closing so we were able to order the house special rice.
After we were both clean and refreshed from our separate showers, I sat on the couch while he prepared our plates. We prayed, ate and then spent the next few hours reading the book "Revelations from Heaven" aloud to each other and discussing the book as well as the eulogy from the memorial.
Before I knew it, it was 1 am and time for me to go home. I couldn't believe I'd spent more than 12 hours with him and could have gone on for hours. I know some people that I've hung out with that I could only stand for about 2 hours.
I was sure to tell him how blessed I felt to have him in my life as a friend and to thank him for helping me through the day. It could have been much harder on me if he weren't there to get me through and I am so grateful for his actions.
To me, he went above and beyond the call of friendship and I will never forget what that meant to me.
Last Saturday I received the news that my youth matron from church had passed. This woman meant so much to me because of all the things she taught me not only about Christ but also about life. In her final weeks I would visit her at the hospital or home and I mentioned this to Valentine. He was impressed with her impact on my life and even bought her a card telling her this. When I shared the news that she died and told him when the services were scheduled he told me he had the day off and he wanted to come with me.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Honestly, I was cynical because I've had other guys promise things before realizing the weight of the promise, so I didn't tell many people. I kept it to myself and even gave him more than one chance to renege on his promise. He didn't. In fact, he kept saying he was going to spend his entire day with me.
So on Thursday morning he accompanied me to the memorial service. I introduced him to some but not all of my favorite people including my pastor's wife. She of course, made a comment about him being my "man" but I tried to make sure she knew we were friends. Apparently, no one else is buying that excuse but us.
I planned to take him to one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants after but it was closed so instead we went to lunch with my entire family at Cracker Barrel- a first for him.
He'd mentioned that his little brother had a track meet so I offered for us to attend it but instead he wanted to rest before hitting the gym. As we all know, I never resist a nap so I slept on the couch after convincing him that he should sleep in his bed and that I'd be fine.
An hour later he was determined to hit the gym although I tried to make him stay since he'd developed a cough and was sneezing. My vote apparently didn't count. Once we arrived he kept looking for my parents because he and my dad had discussed coming around 6 pm and he wanted to keep his word. What we didn't know was that my father on the other hand had fallen asleep and would not make it that night.
As we left his place to venture to the gym, I got in my car and he in his so I knew we'd part ways after the gym. Boy, was I wrong. As we walked in the parking lot he asked what we were eating for dinner and suggested his favorite Chinese place. We got there pretty close to closing so we were able to order the house special rice.
After we were both clean and refreshed from our separate showers, I sat on the couch while he prepared our plates. We prayed, ate and then spent the next few hours reading the book "Revelations from Heaven" aloud to each other and discussing the book as well as the eulogy from the memorial.
Before I knew it, it was 1 am and time for me to go home. I couldn't believe I'd spent more than 12 hours with him and could have gone on for hours. I know some people that I've hung out with that I could only stand for about 2 hours.
I was sure to tell him how blessed I felt to have him in my life as a friend and to thank him for helping me through the day. It could have been much harder on me if he weren't there to get me through and I am so grateful for his actions.
To me, he went above and beyond the call of friendship and I will never forget what that meant to me.
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