This summer I received my most interesting albeit disturbing proposition from a man. And yesterday I received news that made that encounter even more horrible.
I was teaching at a summer youth church conference for an entire week and having a great time. My classroom was on the main floor and one day I needed some pencils for my class. I asked the first person I saw, whom happened to be the pastor of the host church. He retrieved my pencils, I thanked him and went on my way.
On the second day of class, he asked me if I had a moment could I please stop by. Me being the new kid on the block and having different teaching styles from the other instructors, I begin to worry that during the times he stopped my class, he heard something he didn't like.
I wasn't able to find out that afternoon however, because our church van loaded quickly and I took some conference calls on my lunch break.
The next morning he saw me and repeated his request as well as told me his disappointment that we didn't talk the previous day. I assured him I would find him later that day.
Apparently, he couldn't wait. During a break between classes I was on my way to the restroom when he asked me to step into a room (it just so happened to be my classroom). I was fine with the situation until he closed the door and put his hand over the door.
He was taller and larger than me so this was immediately intimidating and awkward. His words to me didn't help the situation either. Let me remind you that we were at a church conference before I go on.
To paraphrase we had a conversation that amounted to him revealing that he thought I was beautiful and that he wanted to take me out. In addition he revealed he was 13 years my senior but didn't think there was a problem with that. I told him that as with everything in my life I would need to pray on whether I should give him my number so that he could call me. Shockingly he asked me when I thought I'd get an answer. He of all people knows you can't put a time on when God will move.
So that answer got me off the hook and I finally made it to the bathroom to relieve myself and wash myself from what I felt was a slimy encounter. I did pray for an answer but received none from the remainder of the week so I left it alone.
A few weeks ago he was scheduled to appear at our church and never made it. I admit I was nervous to attend the service but decided I had done nothing wrong other than not communicating that I hadn't received an answer.
So you can imagine my shock when my own pastor announced that next Saturday this very same preacher would be getting married out my church!!!
Like any sane woman I did the math, and even spotted him an extra month. 5 months after he approached me he was getting married. It really makes you think and wonder whether his current relationship developed quickly and he was really ready for marriage OR if he was in the relationship already.
Which makes me think, if you can't trust a preacher, then who can you trust?
There are at least two other preachers who have been sniffing around lately --neither of which I'm interested in. One reminds me of the main character in the story in that he is an older man who wants to settle down and have the perfect YOUNG preacher's wife.
I'm not a complete hellion but God has some work left on me and for now I don't think I've found the right preacher yet who can make me consider marriage.
So be careful the next time you are at church-not only are the women looking for men, but the men are looking too. And those in the pulpit are able to scan the entire congregation for the entire service!
Monday
Junior
So I went out with Jr. this weekend and I can't quite put my finger on it but something isn't quite right.
Don't get me wrong. He said all the right things and he paid for dinner and our movie but there's that little alarm and red flag waving in the back of my head that this may not be a good match.
Last night we hung out briefly because he said he wanted to see me before I leave for two weeks and I obliged knowing that in the past I would have blown a guy off for the sake of sleeping.
I know people in glass houses can't throw stones but as I drove to his place, while I liked that he only lived 10 minutes away, I just couldn't get over the fact that he still lives with his mom. Sure, he's only a few months older than me but I just think in a real relationship at least one of the two people should have their own place.
Not to mention I think guys get my definition of "not looking for a relationship" confused with "I'll hang out with any guy because I'm not looking to be tied down."
I think this is what happened to Junior because while he said he only has "associates" who are females, I peeped that he was texting someone named Ashley while I was over his place and if anyone knows me, they know I don't deal well with liars.
I told him such as well as not to try to outsmart me because he wouldn't win. I think he thinks this is a challenge and he will try to continue to win me over but I know he has no idea what he's in for.
At any rate maybe this trip to Canada will help ease my mind and get me away from all this male madness I've been experiencing.
Don't get me wrong. He said all the right things and he paid for dinner and our movie but there's that little alarm and red flag waving in the back of my head that this may not be a good match.
Last night we hung out briefly because he said he wanted to see me before I leave for two weeks and I obliged knowing that in the past I would have blown a guy off for the sake of sleeping.
I know people in glass houses can't throw stones but as I drove to his place, while I liked that he only lived 10 minutes away, I just couldn't get over the fact that he still lives with his mom. Sure, he's only a few months older than me but I just think in a real relationship at least one of the two people should have their own place.
Not to mention I think guys get my definition of "not looking for a relationship" confused with "I'll hang out with any guy because I'm not looking to be tied down."
I think this is what happened to Junior because while he said he only has "associates" who are females, I peeped that he was texting someone named Ashley while I was over his place and if anyone knows me, they know I don't deal well with liars.
I told him such as well as not to try to outsmart me because he wouldn't win. I think he thinks this is a challenge and he will try to continue to win me over but I know he has no idea what he's in for.
At any rate maybe this trip to Canada will help ease my mind and get me away from all this male madness I've been experiencing.
Thursday
Thankful
Today I'm thankful for so many things. While I may not have the constant love of a male companion, I do have the love of many wonderful friends and family members whom I also adore.
But today I was thankful when I received my t-day miracle of my cutie from the gym also choosing to work out during the same time as I.
Yes, I stalked him from my treadmill from the moment I saw him appear until I left. Unfortunately we were not within speaking distance otherwise I would have tried my social skills and his by wishing him a "happy Thanksgiving."
On another positive side I think I found another guy from the gym who may be good for my cousin. I'm going to feel him out first and then see if I can make a connection.
But today I was thankful when I received my t-day miracle of my cutie from the gym also choosing to work out during the same time as I.
Yes, I stalked him from my treadmill from the moment I saw him appear until I left. Unfortunately we were not within speaking distance otherwise I would have tried my social skills and his by wishing him a "happy Thanksgiving."
On another positive side I think I found another guy from the gym who may be good for my cousin. I'm going to feel him out first and then see if I can make a connection.
Missed Opportunities & Second Chances
A few months ago I attended a funeral of a great man who lost his life to cancer. This man coached t-ball with my father for several years and throughout that time our families became close. Of course as life went on and all of us kids were too old for the t-ball scene, we drifted apart except for the occasional run-in at church or community events.
At the funeral his son (we'll call him Jr. for future purposes) gave a beautiful speech on behalf of the family. His words about his father were loving and honest. It was heart-breaking but inspiring. After the funeral. I approached Jr. to tell him what a great job he did. It of course took him a few seconds to recognize me but not too long.I thought I was mistaken but when I prepared to leave I thought he held on to my hand a little longer than normal as if he wanted to say something else but refrained given the location and other people surrounding us.
It turns out-he did.
I ran into Jr. yesterday as I walking into the mall and he was departing. Unsure if it was him I called his name and then reintroduced myself (I cut my hair by several inches since our last encounter). Within minutes I found myself giving my number to him on the pretense that we would hang out soon to "catch up."
Several text messages later that night he revealed that he always had a crush on me so he was happy he ran into me again. Humble as I am I asked him was he sure he didn't mean my older sis with whom everyone was in love with. But he said he was sure it was me which I believe since we are the same age.
I must admit flattery does work well on my ego especially when it appears sincere.
It's thanksgiving and he's already called twice to see how the day is going and whether I feel up to hanging out. Unfortunately I'm bushed so I only feel like getting the bed now but tomorrow is another day and another chance -perhaps a seconf chance to get it right.
At the funeral his son (we'll call him Jr. for future purposes) gave a beautiful speech on behalf of the family. His words about his father were loving and honest. It was heart-breaking but inspiring. After the funeral. I approached Jr. to tell him what a great job he did. It of course took him a few seconds to recognize me but not too long.I thought I was mistaken but when I prepared to leave I thought he held on to my hand a little longer than normal as if he wanted to say something else but refrained given the location and other people surrounding us.
It turns out-he did.
I ran into Jr. yesterday as I walking into the mall and he was departing. Unsure if it was him I called his name and then reintroduced myself (I cut my hair by several inches since our last encounter). Within minutes I found myself giving my number to him on the pretense that we would hang out soon to "catch up."
Several text messages later that night he revealed that he always had a crush on me so he was happy he ran into me again. Humble as I am I asked him was he sure he didn't mean my older sis with whom everyone was in love with. But he said he was sure it was me which I believe since we are the same age.
I must admit flattery does work well on my ego especially when it appears sincere.
It's thanksgiving and he's already called twice to see how the day is going and whether I feel up to hanging out. Unfortunately I'm bushed so I only feel like getting the bed now but tomorrow is another day and another chance -perhaps a seconf chance to get it right.
Monday
Gym candy
Aside from Goldie, I must admit I do have a good time at the gym passing my prescribed 40-minutes of cardio on the treadmill by looking at all the guys.
There's a good mix of ethnicities who work out in our gym, so I can get the best of all countries as I sweat. Not one of my more attractive qualities, but it happens so if I do pick someone up at the gym, they'll at least know what they are getting... But back to my point.
I'm starting to believe the more times I see people the more attractive they become. There's one guy in particular who just gets cuter every day I see him.
Admittedly, I did change my workout schedule to some mid-days so I could watch him workout and play basketball (YUM! My weakness...) but lately my training has been more rigorous and time-consuming and I haven't seen him as much.
I'm happy (and sad) to report I'm not the only woman who feels this guy looks good. I pointed him out to a friend and my sister and they both agree. Lucky for me my sister is married, my friend however is not. I know if she agrees then there are some other girls who agree and may have a better chance.
Truth be told, I'm actually incredibly shy when it comes to approaching men romantically, so all I'm looking for is mild and mindless entertainment of watching him workout and maybe the occasional hello.
But should anything develop in the future, I will continue to watch my form on my squats and continue color-coordinating my workout clothes.
There's a good mix of ethnicities who work out in our gym, so I can get the best of all countries as I sweat. Not one of my more attractive qualities, but it happens so if I do pick someone up at the gym, they'll at least know what they are getting... But back to my point.
I'm starting to believe the more times I see people the more attractive they become. There's one guy in particular who just gets cuter every day I see him.
Admittedly, I did change my workout schedule to some mid-days so I could watch him workout and play basketball (YUM! My weakness...) but lately my training has been more rigorous and time-consuming and I haven't seen him as much.
I'm happy (and sad) to report I'm not the only woman who feels this guy looks good. I pointed him out to a friend and my sister and they both agree. Lucky for me my sister is married, my friend however is not. I know if she agrees then there are some other girls who agree and may have a better chance.
Truth be told, I'm actually incredibly shy when it comes to approaching men romantically, so all I'm looking for is mild and mindless entertainment of watching him workout and maybe the occasional hello.
But should anything develop in the future, I will continue to watch my form on my squats and continue color-coordinating my workout clothes.
You godda be kiddin me
I have a friend who told me she goes on multiple dates a day with guys she doesn't like. She said these guys even buy her things just "because."
I had trouble believing this information and I'm not entirely sure why, but I think I figured it out a few weeks ago. It has everything to do with my time and who I believe or deem worthy of having it.
I'm a single woman, who works for herself, works out at least two hours a day and currently needs to study for a test at least two hours a day, and let's not forget I like to get 8 hours of sleep as often as possible. So that is at least 20 hours of my day which means I only have four left. Not much time at all so I like to spend it wisely.
The last time I went to a mall was on a vacation the first week in October- we are now in the last week in November. I hadn't seen a movie since early summer-I believe Wolverine....
Because I spend a lot of time in the gym, I see several people regularly. This includes guys. And according to my trainer, a female who works out a lot is very attractive to men who do the same.
Recently I was approached by a guy who asked me if I'd like to hang out some time. Once again, I'm still on the mission to find a new male best friend, so I told him I'd think about it. I feel this opportunity will keep me from every considering any offer from a guy at the gym again. Here's all the badlights:
1. He has two gold teeth- I love my cousins with gold teeth, but I'd like them to see just like he should that gold teeth are NEVER appropriate.
2. As he asked for my number he flipped open his phone and there is a picture of a woman with large breasts...
3. He starts to come up and try to hold a long conversation whenever we are in the gym at the same time. I like to stay focused and usually try to get in and out of the gym as fast as I can.
4. In the first and only phone conversation we have he admits that he cheats on his driver's log books. As the daughter of parents with an honest trucking company-this doesn't sit well.
5. He says he doesn't go to church a lot... And tries to make me seem rude by my saying this is an issue FOR ME!
6. He loiters in the pool area as i do my laps - I can actually see him standing in the steam room staring at me. WEIRDO!!
7. His small talk is intellectually annoying. Yes, I go to the gym, but I've also told you I am studying for a test for grad school and yet all you really want to know about me is how many days a week I go to the gym??? Or how tired I was after spin class?
8. This was the kicker: The one time I decided to go out in public, he shows up with two big gold hoop earrings in each ear (possibly two total earrings in each ear but I couldn't bring myself to look) and wears sunglasses in the movie theatre.
REALLY BRUH? You are that cool? Right... I can't tell you how embarrassed I was for him- a 30-year old with gold teeth and big gold hoop earrings, much less myself for being seen in public with him. He insisted beforehand that he would pay for my movie ticket and after his wardrobe malfunctions, I decided I would let him. Because no way was I going to pay my own way to be seen with someone who looked like he did.
So the two hours of my time at the movie theatre with him was not at all equal to the $5.50 matinee price of my movie ticket but I did learn a lot from the experience. AND if any of the guys who approaches my friend are like that, I can see why she'd let them pay, but I can't say I'd continue to spend time with them if I don't like them.
I had trouble believing this information and I'm not entirely sure why, but I think I figured it out a few weeks ago. It has everything to do with my time and who I believe or deem worthy of having it.
I'm a single woman, who works for herself, works out at least two hours a day and currently needs to study for a test at least two hours a day, and let's not forget I like to get 8 hours of sleep as often as possible. So that is at least 20 hours of my day which means I only have four left. Not much time at all so I like to spend it wisely.
The last time I went to a mall was on a vacation the first week in October- we are now in the last week in November. I hadn't seen a movie since early summer-I believe Wolverine....
Because I spend a lot of time in the gym, I see several people regularly. This includes guys. And according to my trainer, a female who works out a lot is very attractive to men who do the same.
Recently I was approached by a guy who asked me if I'd like to hang out some time. Once again, I'm still on the mission to find a new male best friend, so I told him I'd think about it. I feel this opportunity will keep me from every considering any offer from a guy at the gym again. Here's all the badlights:
1. He has two gold teeth- I love my cousins with gold teeth, but I'd like them to see just like he should that gold teeth are NEVER appropriate.
2. As he asked for my number he flipped open his phone and there is a picture of a woman with large breasts...
3. He starts to come up and try to hold a long conversation whenever we are in the gym at the same time. I like to stay focused and usually try to get in and out of the gym as fast as I can.
4. In the first and only phone conversation we have he admits that he cheats on his driver's log books. As the daughter of parents with an honest trucking company-this doesn't sit well.
5. He says he doesn't go to church a lot... And tries to make me seem rude by my saying this is an issue FOR ME!
6. He loiters in the pool area as i do my laps - I can actually see him standing in the steam room staring at me. WEIRDO!!
7. His small talk is intellectually annoying. Yes, I go to the gym, but I've also told you I am studying for a test for grad school and yet all you really want to know about me is how many days a week I go to the gym??? Or how tired I was after spin class?
8. This was the kicker: The one time I decided to go out in public, he shows up with two big gold hoop earrings in each ear (possibly two total earrings in each ear but I couldn't bring myself to look) and wears sunglasses in the movie theatre.
REALLY BRUH? You are that cool? Right... I can't tell you how embarrassed I was for him- a 30-year old with gold teeth and big gold hoop earrings, much less myself for being seen in public with him. He insisted beforehand that he would pay for my movie ticket and after his wardrobe malfunctions, I decided I would let him. Because no way was I going to pay my own way to be seen with someone who looked like he did.
So the two hours of my time at the movie theatre with him was not at all equal to the $5.50 matinee price of my movie ticket but I did learn a lot from the experience. AND if any of the guys who approaches my friend are like that, I can see why she'd let them pay, but I can't say I'd continue to spend time with them if I don't like them.
EVERYDAY?
Recent events in Texas led me to reach out my military ex to ensure he was okay. We've become more friendly since this summer but still I keep communication limited to about once a month because after our break-up other than lots of mean and sarcastic things, I haven't found myself with much to say to him.
But, the night before a tragic event at his base, I followed through on the urge to email him and let him know my feelings about how and why I handled our breakup. I was polite but firm and essentially said that I was working on becoming his friend again.
The next day, my mom told me tragedy happened so I sent him a text to make sure he was okay. Now he's been texting or calling everyday since and I'm just a tad annoyed.
I'm not one to sweep anything under the rug and pretend that there isn't a small, but present, chip on my shoulder over the way he handled things. He's facing another deployment to Iraq in the spring --the thing that brought us together the last time.
But this time, I'm firm on my position of only remaining friends with him. For some reason, while he's never cheated on me or done anything that would be deemed unforgivable I can't allow myself to let him back into my life and give as much as I have in the past.
In recent weeks, I've been the go-to-go girl for two of my exes dealing with crises and I realized that's what they expect from me. My role has always been to be the supportive, caring and over-accommodating girlfriend/friend who gives everything without demanding anything in return.
The problem for them is, now that I've read this awesome book on Biblical boundaries, I know that I should get reciprocal love and I won't settle for anything else.
So what I would have considered cute and a sign that he was back into me a year ago, I now know is his selfishness to cultivate a relationship only when he's ready for one and I don't think I have the time to devote to it.
It may sound cold, but as Lady Antebellum said "Love Don't Live Here Anymore."
But, the night before a tragic event at his base, I followed through on the urge to email him and let him know my feelings about how and why I handled our breakup. I was polite but firm and essentially said that I was working on becoming his friend again.
The next day, my mom told me tragedy happened so I sent him a text to make sure he was okay. Now he's been texting or calling everyday since and I'm just a tad annoyed.
I'm not one to sweep anything under the rug and pretend that there isn't a small, but present, chip on my shoulder over the way he handled things. He's facing another deployment to Iraq in the spring --the thing that brought us together the last time.
But this time, I'm firm on my position of only remaining friends with him. For some reason, while he's never cheated on me or done anything that would be deemed unforgivable I can't allow myself to let him back into my life and give as much as I have in the past.
In recent weeks, I've been the go-to-go girl for two of my exes dealing with crises and I realized that's what they expect from me. My role has always been to be the supportive, caring and over-accommodating girlfriend/friend who gives everything without demanding anything in return.
The problem for them is, now that I've read this awesome book on Biblical boundaries, I know that I should get reciprocal love and I won't settle for anything else.
So what I would have considered cute and a sign that he was back into me a year ago, I now know is his selfishness to cultivate a relationship only when he's ready for one and I don't think I have the time to devote to it.
It may sound cold, but as Lady Antebellum said "Love Don't Live Here Anymore."
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