That's the advice my godmother has given me about my interactions with "Pro." I explained the situation and she was leery as always but more so because he's the combination of all the things that haven't worked out for me in the past.
Her advice was to do exactly what I've been doing: if he doesn't call for two weeks but then suddenly does, treat him the same way. Essentially don't sweat him and if I am sweating him, don't let him see that I am.
Easier said than done.
Especially since I have that adage of "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting to get different results." Like maybe my way of holding in my feelings until a guy shares his is what gets me in trouble. But then in the end, I always feel like I still gave in too soon and should have made him work for my affection, so maybe that's the part I need to change.
To say I'm torn is an understatement. So all I can do is pray for an answer on how to get him to put me on the short list of people he'll communicate with during his six-week stay in New Zealand.
He's said he's only going to e-mail and Skype people and I believe if I were on that list, things could turn around for us.
To quote my fave crooner John Legend "Heaven Only Knows."
Sunday
Great date ideas
Here's some more dating tips I think other guys could learn from Islander. Sure, they may be oldie, but goodies, but here are some good places for guys to take women on dates.
1. Airplane watching - this is a little more difficult to do in the U.S. with all the added security measures, but I must admit sitting, watching airplanes land is more appealing than I thought. Sure, I had Gary Allan's song playing in the back of my head but it made for a good soundtrack as we watched the planes clear the ocean and then make it to the tarmac.
2. Historic site- this only works if you know enough about the story of the site you visit. You don't want to go overboard on the details to make it boring or like a class, but you want to know enough to field a few questions from your date. In this case Islander took me to a fort and told me the story of the fort. It wasn't like I was paying total attention (I know that's a running theme with me) because I was mostly waiting on him to make his move, but I did hear him talk enough with confidence to feel satisfied.
3. Walk on the beach - Everyone doesn't have this option, but if you do, do it. It's not overdone. Nor do I think it could be. You don't have to do it at sunset either. Just the simple suggestion evokes a positive reaction in women. Go for it!
4. Star gazing - I'd never paid enough attention to the sky to know what constituted the big dipper or the little dipper, but when Islander pointed them out, I was suddenly interested. I didn't go out and buy a telescope when I returned home, but I did find myself thinking how cool it was to sit and watch the big, beautiful sky and talk about my past and future with a good looking guy.
I'm pretty practical and one of the least romantic women I know based on my current refusal to watch most rom/coms and chick flicks so if these dates worked on me, they will more than likely work on most any woman.
1. Airplane watching - this is a little more difficult to do in the U.S. with all the added security measures, but I must admit sitting, watching airplanes land is more appealing than I thought. Sure, I had Gary Allan's song playing in the back of my head but it made for a good soundtrack as we watched the planes clear the ocean and then make it to the tarmac.
2. Historic site- this only works if you know enough about the story of the site you visit. You don't want to go overboard on the details to make it boring or like a class, but you want to know enough to field a few questions from your date. In this case Islander took me to a fort and told me the story of the fort. It wasn't like I was paying total attention (I know that's a running theme with me) because I was mostly waiting on him to make his move, but I did hear him talk enough with confidence to feel satisfied.
3. Walk on the beach - Everyone doesn't have this option, but if you do, do it. It's not overdone. Nor do I think it could be. You don't have to do it at sunset either. Just the simple suggestion evokes a positive reaction in women. Go for it!
4. Star gazing - I'd never paid enough attention to the sky to know what constituted the big dipper or the little dipper, but when Islander pointed them out, I was suddenly interested. I didn't go out and buy a telescope when I returned home, but I did find myself thinking how cool it was to sit and watch the big, beautiful sky and talk about my past and future with a good looking guy.
I'm pretty practical and one of the least romantic women I know based on my current refusal to watch most rom/coms and chick flicks so if these dates worked on me, they will more than likely work on most any woman.
Does not inspire confidence...
In grad school for every course we took we had to evaluate the course at the end of the term. One of the questions required us to rate on a scale of 1 to 5 the ability to which the professor inspired confidence in our individual abilities to understand the subject based on their teaching ability.
That question continues to stick in my mind as a suitor, we'll call "youngin" continues to hit on me while being involved with his girlfriend.
As I learned in February he began dating her in November, shortly before my relationship collapsed. He informed me that had he known then, he would have ended things but that now he was "in it." I know. Very romantic. Despite his admission, he still texts every Monday (unless I can get a break by saying something that makes him come to his senses for a few weeks) to flirt or ask me if we can "cuddle." My answer never changes: NO! And I tell him that he should be more concerned with his girlfriend. I've also pleaded with him not to break her heart. I don't know if it's possible.
In some of our exchanges, he's asked what's wrong with cuddling even though he has a significant other. I told him immediately, your desire to spend time cuddling with me when you have a girlfriend does not inspire confidence that you a) really like me enough to break up with her and see how things go with me and b) that you would be faithful to me if we were together. As a result, the answer remains no. I went so far as to tell him that if he and she never broke up at a time when I was single then that meant he and I were not meant to be and that I was okay with that.
A few weeks ago the night of the fight, he texted to see where I was going to watch the fight. When I informed him I had a migraine that I was going home to take care of, he offered to come over and sit with me. I told him with as much patience as possible that I couldn't deal with his flirting that night with the girlfriend still in the picture. He said she wasn't. Despite how tempting it was to have someone take care of me, I still declined. That was Saturday night. When I saw him three days later on Tuesday, they were back together. Apparently, they broke up for a short time.
I told him it might be in his best interest to really think about if this was the person he wanted to spend his spare time with since he seems to be in so much conflict all the time. I suggested he think about that and make the decision best for him and not bring anyone else in his drama until then. My phone has been quiet but then again, tomorrow is Monday.
As I learned in February he began dating her in November, shortly before my relationship collapsed. He informed me that had he known then, he would have ended things but that now he was "in it." I know. Very romantic. Despite his admission, he still texts every Monday (unless I can get a break by saying something that makes him come to his senses for a few weeks) to flirt or ask me if we can "cuddle." My answer never changes: NO! And I tell him that he should be more concerned with his girlfriend. I've also pleaded with him not to break her heart. I don't know if it's possible.
In some of our exchanges, he's asked what's wrong with cuddling even though he has a significant other. I told him immediately, your desire to spend time cuddling with me when you have a girlfriend does not inspire confidence that you a) really like me enough to break up with her and see how things go with me and b) that you would be faithful to me if we were together. As a result, the answer remains no. I went so far as to tell him that if he and she never broke up at a time when I was single then that meant he and I were not meant to be and that I was okay with that.
A few weeks ago the night of the fight, he texted to see where I was going to watch the fight. When I informed him I had a migraine that I was going home to take care of, he offered to come over and sit with me. I told him with as much patience as possible that I couldn't deal with his flirting that night with the girlfriend still in the picture. He said she wasn't. Despite how tempting it was to have someone take care of me, I still declined. That was Saturday night. When I saw him three days later on Tuesday, they were back together. Apparently, they broke up for a short time.
I told him it might be in his best interest to really think about if this was the person he wanted to spend his spare time with since he seems to be in so much conflict all the time. I suggested he think about that and make the decision best for him and not bring anyone else in his drama until then. My phone has been quiet but then again, tomorrow is Monday.
Perhaps that's what this is about
I've been reading A LOT of Christian books lately. The two I'm currently reading are about exemplifying God's love by acting in love to other people and also by witnessing to others.
I'd actually started to lament that I didn't have any weekly interactions with people to allow me to do so when I had a shocking conversation with Islander today.
When he asked about my day I told him I went to church. He asked did I pray for him and I said yes. He then apologized for using bad language in front of me and then he asked how often I went to church. His astonished reaction to my reply of "at least once a week," startled me. Sure, I know he spends his weekends on the beach talking to tourists about boat tours but surely, he goes to church at some point.
Apparently, not.
When I asked, he estimated he hadn't been to church in seven years and that was because his niece was being christened. Had I not been in the bed, I surely would have fallen on the floor with that omission.
He also shared however that a few days ago he was thinking about whether or not he should return to church. Apparently he was raised as a Seventh Day Adventist and he went to church often as a child, but in his adult life abroad, he strayed away and never "found time." He said he wants to pursue his faith again but he doesn't want to be a hypocrite because he knows there are several things that he needs to work on to live righteously.
Immediately, all I could think was- wow, God- is this my opportunity? Is this why you allowed me to meet him- to save his soul? And if so, I'm fine with that. I can see the good in him but I can also see where we aren't equally yoked because he doesn't have a strong spiritual foundation.
Even though I'm tired of fixing up other men for other women, if I can help him save his soul by praying for him and helping him see the light, then I can do nothing but serve God with gladness.
To be continued...
Apparently, not.
When I asked, he estimated he hadn't been to church in seven years and that was because his niece was being christened. Had I not been in the bed, I surely would have fallen on the floor with that omission.
He also shared however that a few days ago he was thinking about whether or not he should return to church. Apparently he was raised as a Seventh Day Adventist and he went to church often as a child, but in his adult life abroad, he strayed away and never "found time." He said he wants to pursue his faith again but he doesn't want to be a hypocrite because he knows there are several things that he needs to work on to live righteously.
Immediately, all I could think was- wow, God- is this my opportunity? Is this why you allowed me to meet him- to save his soul? And if so, I'm fine with that. I can see the good in him but I can also see where we aren't equally yoked because he doesn't have a strong spiritual foundation.
Even though I'm tired of fixing up other men for other women, if I can help him save his soul by praying for him and helping him see the light, then I can do nothing but serve God with gladness.
To be continued...
Language Lessons
Because the international date, from hereafter who will be called "Islander" has lived in England, he's picked up a few lessons in French.
Which is just perfect because I know Spanish.
So,when we communicate, we've found that the two of us rely on our second languages but the other has no idea what the other is saying. As a result, he decided to take time today to teach me French.
I'd like to think I'm a wiling student however, I don't think Skype quality necessarily allows me to say every word correctly.
It's quite sexy to hear his English-inspired accent pronouncing the French words over and over as I attempt them. In fact, it's downright distracting.
And as if that wasn't enough to distract me, he chose today to teach me how to say "C'est mon compain" or in English, "this is my boyfriend." Ummm... really, I didn't know we had reached that title status.
In fact, I thought we were still in the "continuing to get to know each other phase."
My ability to retain anything he taught me after that was nil. I hope he's a patient teacher. Or that he can catch on to Spanish when it's my time to instruct.
Sorta like the Energizer Bunny
My international date has continued to make his way onto my calendar. If I sound surprised it's because in all honesty, I am. I mean I honestly thought that he might not follow through on continuing contact.
After he called Wednesday night, I sent him a short e-mail saying I thought I missed his call but if he'd be up for skyping this weekend, to let me know.
Color me surprised when I get yet another phone call on Friday afternoon from him attempting to catch up and him telling me that he'd already sent me a skype contact invite so that we could talk.
I had no choice but to follow through. I'll get to the meat of our conversations in a few, but I have to say, I'm amazed at his follow through. I mean, he really does blow the other guys who rely on texting out of the water by calling (which again, is very similar to the other Trini I used to date who called from overseas).
He even called (drunkingly I think) this morning at 12:45 am waking me out of a dead sleep. I don't think he'll try that again.
But as the phone calls keep coming, all I can keep think is that he's sorta like the Energizer Bunny - you know how that slogan is that the batteries keep going and going-well, he keeps calling and calling. A girl could get used to this.
I had no choice but to follow through. I'll get to the meat of our conversations in a few, but I have to say, I'm amazed at his follow through. I mean, he really does blow the other guys who rely on texting out of the water by calling (which again, is very similar to the other Trini I used to date who called from overseas).
He even called (drunkingly I think) this morning at 12:45 am waking me out of a dead sleep. I don't think he'll try that again.
But as the phone calls keep coming, all I can keep think is that he's sorta like the Energizer Bunny - you know how that slogan is that the batteries keep going and going-well, he keeps calling and calling. A girl could get used to this.
Friday
Unexpected Call
Last night before bed, my phone rang. It was a number from Trinidad and Tobago.
I. Was. Shocked.
But since I didn't know who it was that called, I asked my friend to verify the number of the Trini I met last week.
I woke up this morning and her text confirmed. It was him.
Of course I don't have any calling cards to return the call BUT I'm intrigued that he called. And I guess I'll return his call soon at least with an e-mail for the moment.
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