Apparently this was my ex-boyfriend's choice phrase for telling other guys who were interested in me (with or without my knowledge). Truth be told, he never let me know how he felt about me, but my sneaking suspicion of him having some role in the disappearance of guys I danced with or talked to at parties.
The other night I was finally able to get him to fess up and the funny part is, I wasn't even mad. In fact, I just laughed at finally being able to confirm what I thought all along.
I mean, really how many years does it take to admit that you tapped a guy I was dancing with while we were "on a break" and pulled him aside and told him I was off limits? In our case, apparently 7.
Truth be told, none of the guys that I know he dismissed have amounted to anything so it was probably for the best. And as he explained how he approached each situation, I learned that more people in college knew he had feelings for me than I expected. So on some level at that point in time, while he couldn't express his feelings to me, he let others know.
So for the sake of closure, I can now put my mind to rest on what happened to those three guys in particular and move on with my life hoping he's not the reason some other guys have disappeared in more recent years...
Monday
I smell trouble
Saturday I had the great opportunity to hang out with some people my age who participate in a local service organization. We spent the morning doing community service and I've had two additional meetings to observe their behavior so I decided to accept their invite to hang out later. After all, I'm still on the mission to find another really good guy friend...
Turns out the party, which had I been forewarned was being thrown under the guise of "whatever happens, happens," was extremely fun.
I felt that the people were my equals intellectually and in terms satisfaction of geeky entertainment.
There was one disturbing part to the night however, and that was my attraction to a guy who has actually been nice since we met a few weeks ago. We'll call him Mr. Banker. Coincidentally, the night before my second meeting, he attended an MBA event and while we never spoke that night, we saw each other and recognized one another the next day. So we traded information and called. He was extremely chatty and I was myself. He invited me to a fight party that his friend was throwing and then added that he would be attending with "his girl."
I didn't mind that admission (ok, so I did a little because he seems very promising) but I was unable to make the party that weekend because I had previous plans.
When I arrived at the party on Saturday, I was sure his girlfriend would be in attendance so I played it cool on talking to him until he would introduce her to me.
The introduction didn't happen before we all played "Truth or Dare Jenga" so I found it safe to assume she wasn't there when he was dared to "rub noses with another player" and chose me. I was embarrassed, awkward and therefore thankful the picture another player decided to snap did not catch the action. Equally mortifying was when I picked the piece that instructed me to "blow a rasberry on another player's stomach" and he choose to explain what that was to the entire group so that I could do it. I declined and opted to blow a kiss to our gracious host.
The best part of that game was when the girl next to me knocked over the tower. Of course then, that led us to Mr. Banker's game of "questions." Previously we were instructed to write down a question on a scrap of paper and put it in a bowl. The bowl was shaken and each person would remove a question and ask it to the group.
The questions were surprisingly (to me anyway) mostly about relationships so I then learned more than I probably would have cared to know, but am happy I did about Mr. Banker and women.
In the end, I decided he was handsome, had tremendous potential, but was too much of a player, had too much "experience"-in fact the term "slutbag" really came to mind first- and therefore would be more trouble than he's worth.
Isn't that the way it always is? I'm glad that despite the attraction, I'm happy to see my progress in spotting a man who would bring me trouble before it all goes down. Maybe I have learned something this year after all.
Turns out the party, which had I been forewarned was being thrown under the guise of "whatever happens, happens," was extremely fun.
I felt that the people were my equals intellectually and in terms satisfaction of geeky entertainment.
There was one disturbing part to the night however, and that was my attraction to a guy who has actually been nice since we met a few weeks ago. We'll call him Mr. Banker. Coincidentally, the night before my second meeting, he attended an MBA event and while we never spoke that night, we saw each other and recognized one another the next day. So we traded information and called. He was extremely chatty and I was myself. He invited me to a fight party that his friend was throwing and then added that he would be attending with "his girl."
I didn't mind that admission (ok, so I did a little because he seems very promising) but I was unable to make the party that weekend because I had previous plans.
When I arrived at the party on Saturday, I was sure his girlfriend would be in attendance so I played it cool on talking to him until he would introduce her to me.
The introduction didn't happen before we all played "Truth or Dare Jenga" so I found it safe to assume she wasn't there when he was dared to "rub noses with another player" and chose me. I was embarrassed, awkward and therefore thankful the picture another player decided to snap did not catch the action. Equally mortifying was when I picked the piece that instructed me to "blow a rasberry on another player's stomach" and he choose to explain what that was to the entire group so that I could do it. I declined and opted to blow a kiss to our gracious host.
The best part of that game was when the girl next to me knocked over the tower. Of course then, that led us to Mr. Banker's game of "questions." Previously we were instructed to write down a question on a scrap of paper and put it in a bowl. The bowl was shaken and each person would remove a question and ask it to the group.
The questions were surprisingly (to me anyway) mostly about relationships so I then learned more than I probably would have cared to know, but am happy I did about Mr. Banker and women.
In the end, I decided he was handsome, had tremendous potential, but was too much of a player, had too much "experience"-in fact the term "slutbag" really came to mind first- and therefore would be more trouble than he's worth.
Isn't that the way it always is? I'm glad that despite the attraction, I'm happy to see my progress in spotting a man who would bring me trouble before it all goes down. Maybe I have learned something this year after all.
Saturday
TV Can Teach You Things
So today I faced a dilemma. I was pondering over whether I should take my first trip out of the country every with my dad on a business trip to Canada or if I should stay in Houston to help out as usual and remain on call for the guy I'm talking to when a thought popped in my head:
"What Would Lauren Do?" Lauren as in Lauren Conrad on the The Hills of course! The first season Lauren was offered a trip to Paris by Teen Vogue and she turned it down to be with her then-boyfriend Jason. I was aghast at her decision and regretted it for her so the minute that thought crossed my mind, I knew what I had to do.
I was going to Canada.
Of course I sent a sweet text to my sweetie asking if he'd be okay with my going since he's been have a rough go of it but he said he would and I'm excited about going.
Of course it will be cold. And yes, my plane ticket was outrageous given the late notice, but I finally get to go out of the country and even better, witness my dad on his first-ever plane ride. HOORAY!!
I pray all goes well until then.
"What Would Lauren Do?" Lauren as in Lauren Conrad on the The Hills of course! The first season Lauren was offered a trip to Paris by Teen Vogue and she turned it down to be with her then-boyfriend Jason. I was aghast at her decision and regretted it for her so the minute that thought crossed my mind, I knew what I had to do.
I was going to Canada.
Of course I sent a sweet text to my sweetie asking if he'd be okay with my going since he's been have a rough go of it but he said he would and I'm excited about going.
Of course it will be cold. And yes, my plane ticket was outrageous given the late notice, but I finally get to go out of the country and even better, witness my dad on his first-ever plane ride. HOORAY!!
I pray all goes well until then.
Friday
Double Standards Need Not Apply
Recently I had the opportunity to begin preliminary dating conversations with a young man I met while volunteering...
Initially when I saw him I thought he was a little immature and possibly dating someone else at his office so I kept my distance.
But he was always polite and when I found out he was a player for the ABA team I (briefly) volunteered for earlier this year, we talked and traded numbers with the intent to workout together.
A number of personal things happened in my life that prevented me from working out with him living at least 45 minutes away so we would keep in touch via text messages.
Finally one of us decided we should try to see if we could be more than friends. Let's just say his checklist looked good:
1. He knew what he wanted out of a relationship
2. He had a job and was looking for another opportunity that he enjoyed more.
3. He had a servant's heart--desiring a career as a fireman or police officer
4. He was my age
5. He was enrolled in grad school
6. He played basketball
But there were some xs on his list as well;
1. He didn't go to church (often)
2. He has a bad memory
3. He had a child.
I tried to go along with seeing where it could lead but I found that one thing I couldn't get over was his envoking a double standard.
I don't claim to have all the free time in the world, however my new life style is structured to where I can make time for anything I feel is important. The other night he said he didn't know if he could be in a relationship with someone "just as busy as him" because once he started to like someone he wanted to spend as much time with them as possible.
Are you serious? Is this not 2009? Do you realize that to find a woman who is okay with you having a child and a busy schedule, you probably don't want someone who has a lot of time on their hands??
At any rate when I stopped answering his text messages not long after that conversation, he began to text even more and finally he told me he didn't want to lead me on but that he'd starting getting serious with someone else.
I told him I appreciated his honesty and I hoped it worked out for him.
So that's 0/2 relationships in 2009 and 2/0 relationships ended via text message for me.
Let's see what the final three months bring.
Initially when I saw him I thought he was a little immature and possibly dating someone else at his office so I kept my distance.
But he was always polite and when I found out he was a player for the ABA team I (briefly) volunteered for earlier this year, we talked and traded numbers with the intent to workout together.
A number of personal things happened in my life that prevented me from working out with him living at least 45 minutes away so we would keep in touch via text messages.
Finally one of us decided we should try to see if we could be more than friends. Let's just say his checklist looked good:
1. He knew what he wanted out of a relationship
2. He had a job and was looking for another opportunity that he enjoyed more.
3. He had a servant's heart--desiring a career as a fireman or police officer
4. He was my age
5. He was enrolled in grad school
6. He played basketball
But there were some xs on his list as well;
1. He didn't go to church (often)
2. He has a bad memory
3. He had a child.
I tried to go along with seeing where it could lead but I found that one thing I couldn't get over was his envoking a double standard.
I don't claim to have all the free time in the world, however my new life style is structured to where I can make time for anything I feel is important. The other night he said he didn't know if he could be in a relationship with someone "just as busy as him" because once he started to like someone he wanted to spend as much time with them as possible.
Are you serious? Is this not 2009? Do you realize that to find a woman who is okay with you having a child and a busy schedule, you probably don't want someone who has a lot of time on their hands??
At any rate when I stopped answering his text messages not long after that conversation, he began to text even more and finally he told me he didn't want to lead me on but that he'd starting getting serious with someone else.
I told him I appreciated his honesty and I hoped it worked out for him.
So that's 0/2 relationships in 2009 and 2/0 relationships ended via text message for me.
Let's see what the final three months bring.
Monday
Dating Tips
In an attempt to catch up on "For the Love of Ray J" last week as I hustled and bustled to complete some actual work tasks, I left the channel on Vh1 and caught the first episode of a new dating show.
Thankfully this show doesn't promise lots of drunken fights and tongues down other people's throat so I left the TV on. The premise is that a male who comes from a family of successful multi-generational matchmakers will help a select group of women determine what they are doing wrong when it comes to dating men.
I thought some of his advice to the women and what they were seemingly (or in some cases obviously) doing wrong were valid and got a kick out of his dating rules that he dispenses throughout the show. Here are just a few he dispensed. Note, they never go in order during the show so you have to wonder if he really has a list or if he just randomly throws out numbers with advice...
I'm sure I see a book deal being thrown at him soon.
Dating Rules as told to viewers by matchmaker.
#1- Don’t be weird
#12 -Don’t go fishing for compliments- if a guy thinks you look good, he will tell you.
#19- There’s no room for hypocrisy in dating. If you won’t date guys older than you don’t expect guys to do the same.
#53 – Never bring wedding plans up on a first date- it makes a guy run
#71- most guys love a good catfight but no one wants to date the cat.
#76- I didn't remember this one by the time I started writing them down but if someone else knows, please share.
Editor's Note: While I do believe I will actually watch this show again, for the life of me I can't remember the name of the show or the "host" so if someone wants to clarify, feel free to clarify.
Thankfully this show doesn't promise lots of drunken fights and tongues down other people's throat so I left the TV on. The premise is that a male who comes from a family of successful multi-generational matchmakers will help a select group of women determine what they are doing wrong when it comes to dating men.
I thought some of his advice to the women and what they were seemingly (or in some cases obviously) doing wrong were valid and got a kick out of his dating rules that he dispenses throughout the show. Here are just a few he dispensed. Note, they never go in order during the show so you have to wonder if he really has a list or if he just randomly throws out numbers with advice...
I'm sure I see a book deal being thrown at him soon.
Dating Rules as told to viewers by matchmaker.
#1- Don’t be weird
#12 -Don’t go fishing for compliments- if a guy thinks you look good, he will tell you.
#19- There’s no room for hypocrisy in dating. If you won’t date guys older than you don’t expect guys to do the same.
#53 – Never bring wedding plans up on a first date- it makes a guy run
#71- most guys love a good catfight but no one wants to date the cat.
#76- I didn't remember this one by the time I started writing them down but if someone else knows, please share.
Editor's Note: While I do believe I will actually watch this show again, for the life of me I can't remember the name of the show or the "host" so if someone wants to clarify, feel free to clarify.
Thursday
The Wedding Bug
Today I met up with an old friend from high school.
Yep, I'm still searching for that circle of friends that I had when I first moved away. At first I'll admit I was being sexist and only wanted to find new male friends. But now I've decided that hanging out with chicks may do the trick.
I promised a friend from Nashville I'd hang out with one of her friends but kid you not every time I text her to see what she wants to do she says she has plans.
Then there's another girl I met from my volunteer gig with the ABA team. We got along good at the games and promised to hang out but the one we planned something she was sick and couldn't make it. The next time she reached out I had already made plans for the time she was available.
Last week when I hung out with a friend from college, we missed the movie we wanted to see but we had a great time catching up over dinner so it didn't matter. And we made tenative plans to watch the the Idris Elba & Beyonce movie when it comes out next month.
Still, a month is a long-time away so that led me to go back to my high school friend rolodex. Now here's something I may have said before but I'll reiterate quickly. I don't talk to anyone from high school if I can help it. The person I spoke with the most was the ex and now that that's over, there's no one other than my sister and her husband I speak with on a regular basis. Mostly it's because so many girls wanted the ex when we were in school that I made a lot of enemies because of our relationship. To this day I could not 100% tell you who from back then were my real friends so I'd rather leave them in the past.
However, there is one person who was a good friend and didn't want the ex. We were drum majors together and hung out outside the school walls so I reached out.
Today we had lunch and it was really great to see her again. She looks fabulous and is doing well for herself. Of course when the talk came to relationships she talked about hers and I began to get uncomfortable because this was really familiar territory.
She and her boyfriend-whom I think is probably one of the sweetest guys in the world and may actually deserve her- have been together for 7.5 years. They started dating in high school. She graduated a year after me and they began dating her senior year.
So after 7.5 CONSECUTIVE years, she is of course ready to get married. And while she doesn't want to tell him just how ready she is, she did tell me. Again and again.
I almost had deja vu of a luncheon I had with some girls in Nashville where they had actually begun planning one girl's wedding (she was 24) to a 39-year-old bachelor after six months of dating and (wait for it) BEFORE he had even proposed.
Needless to say, I was eating lunch at one of my favorite hot spots one day (and only 1-2 months later) and I saw her and the guy at what looked like a family gathering of sorts and she had a ring on her left finger. I called the friend who had invited me to meet the girl and she confirmed that yes, she was indeed engaged.
If you are ready for marriage, I'm not against it at all. BUT when you have people who aren't ready to get married themselves, please have mercy on their sanity and don't go on and on about the subject.
Based on a few things she shared I told her I wouldn't be surprised if he proposes in the very near future and that he may have the ring. I'm now convinced that when you've seriously broached the topic of marriage and the guy hasn't run from the conversations, chances are when they begin spending money on things you think are ludicrous or being evasive, they have the ring and they are waiting to put their master plan in action.
That's just my new theory based on all the stories my friends have told me. So, because I want her to be happy, I'll give her six months before he proposes. AND the next time we hang out, I think I might see if we can go to a movie. Preferably one where no one gets married.
Yep, I'm still searching for that circle of friends that I had when I first moved away. At first I'll admit I was being sexist and only wanted to find new male friends. But now I've decided that hanging out with chicks may do the trick.
I promised a friend from Nashville I'd hang out with one of her friends but kid you not every time I text her to see what she wants to do she says she has plans.
Then there's another girl I met from my volunteer gig with the ABA team. We got along good at the games and promised to hang out but the one we planned something she was sick and couldn't make it. The next time she reached out I had already made plans for the time she was available.
Last week when I hung out with a friend from college, we missed the movie we wanted to see but we had a great time catching up over dinner so it didn't matter. And we made tenative plans to watch the the Idris Elba & Beyonce movie when it comes out next month.
Still, a month is a long-time away so that led me to go back to my high school friend rolodex. Now here's something I may have said before but I'll reiterate quickly. I don't talk to anyone from high school if I can help it. The person I spoke with the most was the ex and now that that's over, there's no one other than my sister and her husband I speak with on a regular basis. Mostly it's because so many girls wanted the ex when we were in school that I made a lot of enemies because of our relationship. To this day I could not 100% tell you who from back then were my real friends so I'd rather leave them in the past.
However, there is one person who was a good friend and didn't want the ex. We were drum majors together and hung out outside the school walls so I reached out.
Today we had lunch and it was really great to see her again. She looks fabulous and is doing well for herself. Of course when the talk came to relationships she talked about hers and I began to get uncomfortable because this was really familiar territory.
She and her boyfriend-whom I think is probably one of the sweetest guys in the world and may actually deserve her- have been together for 7.5 years. They started dating in high school. She graduated a year after me and they began dating her senior year.
So after 7.5 CONSECUTIVE years, she is of course ready to get married. And while she doesn't want to tell him just how ready she is, she did tell me. Again and again.
I almost had deja vu of a luncheon I had with some girls in Nashville where they had actually begun planning one girl's wedding (she was 24) to a 39-year-old bachelor after six months of dating and (wait for it) BEFORE he had even proposed.
Needless to say, I was eating lunch at one of my favorite hot spots one day (and only 1-2 months later) and I saw her and the guy at what looked like a family gathering of sorts and she had a ring on her left finger. I called the friend who had invited me to meet the girl and she confirmed that yes, she was indeed engaged.
If you are ready for marriage, I'm not against it at all. BUT when you have people who aren't ready to get married themselves, please have mercy on their sanity and don't go on and on about the subject.
Based on a few things she shared I told her I wouldn't be surprised if he proposes in the very near future and that he may have the ring. I'm now convinced that when you've seriously broached the topic of marriage and the guy hasn't run from the conversations, chances are when they begin spending money on things you think are ludicrous or being evasive, they have the ring and they are waiting to put their master plan in action.
That's just my new theory based on all the stories my friends have told me. So, because I want her to be happy, I'll give her six months before he proposes. AND the next time we hang out, I think I might see if we can go to a movie. Preferably one where no one gets married.
Love, Love, Love
Tonight my heart is full. It wants to war within itself but I'm determined to take the positive road.
Mostly because I live with someone I LOVE dearly. Yep, that's right I've moved in...with my mom. And my dad's here too. LOL.
I'm talking about my mom tonight because even though she's spent most of this afternoon and tonight asking me all kinds of questions about iTunes, I am so happy to have her in my life.
A friend just lost his mom this week and when I offered my condolences today I realized I have no idea how that feels nor do I want to know how it feels to lose a parent.
When the questions started to annoy me, especially as I was beckoned into the other room every 5-7 minutes to look at the computer screen and try to figure out what wasn't working as I attempted to pack for my trip tomorrow (really, I kid you not--every 5-7 minutes) I remembered my friend's loss and said a prayer for him but also a prayer thanking God I still have my mom.
There's no doubt there's nothing but love here in this household. It's really tough sometimes but its also unconditional and that makes all the difference in the world.
Make sure you tell those you love how you feel and try not to let a loss be the reminder for you to do so.
Mostly because I live with someone I LOVE dearly. Yep, that's right I've moved in...with my mom. And my dad's here too. LOL.
I'm talking about my mom tonight because even though she's spent most of this afternoon and tonight asking me all kinds of questions about iTunes, I am so happy to have her in my life.
A friend just lost his mom this week and when I offered my condolences today I realized I have no idea how that feels nor do I want to know how it feels to lose a parent.
When the questions started to annoy me, especially as I was beckoned into the other room every 5-7 minutes to look at the computer screen and try to figure out what wasn't working as I attempted to pack for my trip tomorrow (really, I kid you not--every 5-7 minutes) I remembered my friend's loss and said a prayer for him but also a prayer thanking God I still have my mom.
There's no doubt there's nothing but love here in this household. It's really tough sometimes but its also unconditional and that makes all the difference in the world.
Make sure you tell those you love how you feel and try not to let a loss be the reminder for you to do so.
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