Dear readers,
Please forgive me for not answering your post. It read:
Who said that about God not wanting us to get married? That is not true. Marriage is one of God's greatest gifts and pleasures. He said in the beginning that it is not good for man to be alone - that's why he created Eve. And there are other scriptures about how husbands and wives should treat each other (husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church, etc.) so I don't believe that to be true. If you really love God and serve Him you can love your husband, honor and obey (yes, obey) him and God will bless you because by doing this, you are honoring His word. Didn't mean to preach but don't want you to believe any misinformation.
Yes, it is true that God said it is not good for man to be alone, but later in the Bible he also says that He wants us to serve and put Him first in our life and when we get married sometimes our marriage partner takes the place of God being first in our life. He says that we should be single but if we can't let our fleshly desires get us into sin, then we should get married so we can stay within God's word.
Don't believe me or just don't remember that part? Check out 1 Corinthians 7:8-9.
8 Now I say to those who aren't married and to widows - it's better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust.
And yes, God provides those guidelines for those who get married because he provides all guidelines for all of us for every action of our life. In fact, before verse eight, Paul dishes out advice to all the married people as told to him by God.
Thanks for reading and posting!
Wednesday
My Best Friend's Wedding
Since I speak the truth and only the truth on this blog let's talk about how single women everywhere truly wanted to boycott the writer/director/production company for making My Best Friend's Wedding.
I mean really, how many single women really wanted to see the women who had been there for her best friend over the years take a backseat to a younger, off-key singing ditsy blonde. Any woman who has ambition knows that sometimes you have to choose what's best for your career over having a steady man in your life. And if you are blessed, you will have a man who will understand that he will support you while he does his own thing.
But as we know men, think more about their needs than those who love them so they go off and find someone who doesn't even hold a candle to the person who has been there for them before and expect that person to be happy for them.
In the words of my father, "tough titty said the kitty." Yeah, it's a bit crass, but it is the stone cold truth. There is no way you can expect someone who has had feelings for you and has never gotten over them to be truly happy for them. It just doesn't work that way. At least I've never seen it happen.
Yes, Julia Roberts had a friend to help her get over the sting of seeing Dermot Mulrooney go off with Cameron Diaz, but that was just that night. What happens for the rest of the nights of her life? I can tell you what, they didn't show that because then everyone would have run back to the office to get their money. Reality doesn't work in the world of make-believe. Women want their happily ever afters after all they paid their 8.25 for it, so give it to them.
I mean really, how many single women really wanted to see the women who had been there for her best friend over the years take a backseat to a younger, off-key singing ditsy blonde. Any woman who has ambition knows that sometimes you have to choose what's best for your career over having a steady man in your life. And if you are blessed, you will have a man who will understand that he will support you while he does his own thing.
But as we know men, think more about their needs than those who love them so they go off and find someone who doesn't even hold a candle to the person who has been there for them before and expect that person to be happy for them.
In the words of my father, "tough titty said the kitty." Yeah, it's a bit crass, but it is the stone cold truth. There is no way you can expect someone who has had feelings for you and has never gotten over them to be truly happy for them. It just doesn't work that way. At least I've never seen it happen.
Yes, Julia Roberts had a friend to help her get over the sting of seeing Dermot Mulrooney go off with Cameron Diaz, but that was just that night. What happens for the rest of the nights of her life? I can tell you what, they didn't show that because then everyone would have run back to the office to get their money. Reality doesn't work in the world of make-believe. Women want their happily ever afters after all they paid their 8.25 for it, so give it to them.
Top 10 movies to make your brain go to mush
Ok, so I finally figured out what is wrong with the single women of the world. We think everyone in love is happy because of what we see on TV but mostly in the movies. Don't believe me check out my favorite top 10 movies that have led me astray many a day.
10. Must Love Dogs- think You've Got Mail but with a dating site
9. Breakin' All the Rules- do you love yourself or the other person involved-this movie gives you a test to find out
8. Two Can Play That Game-no one not even the couple involved can keep this true love from happening
7. 10 Things I Hate About You- hey, what I can say, sometimes love is childish and involves bets that work out in a good way
6. Hope Floats- after a bad relationship you can love again. And it's based in Texas, what can I say?
5. She's All That- this was in constant rotation when I was in high school & college
4. Sleepless in Seattle-The first Tom Hanks & Meg Ryan pairing
3. You've Got Mail- a classic love/hate relationship
2. Brown Sugar-Best friends finally get together
1. Love & Basketball- childhood friend turned best friends go through all the trials of college, groupies and finally end up together
10. Must Love Dogs- think You've Got Mail but with a dating site
9. Breakin' All the Rules- do you love yourself or the other person involved-this movie gives you a test to find out
8. Two Can Play That Game-no one not even the couple involved can keep this true love from happening
7. 10 Things I Hate About You- hey, what I can say, sometimes love is childish and involves bets that work out in a good way
6. Hope Floats- after a bad relationship you can love again. And it's based in Texas, what can I say?
5. She's All That- this was in constant rotation when I was in high school & college
4. Sleepless in Seattle-The first Tom Hanks & Meg Ryan pairing
3. You've Got Mail- a classic love/hate relationship
2. Brown Sugar-Best friends finally get together
1. Love & Basketball- childhood friend turned best friends go through all the trials of college, groupies and finally end up together
Intervention for the texters…
For all you men who to rely on text messages to keep on a conversation going it's time for an intervention.
We the single women of today’s society would officially like to tell you we hate text messaging. We can’t stand it. Yes, it can be convenient for when there is an opportune time to hold a conversation BUT we do not want to have an entire conversation through text messages.
See, when we gave you our number, you didn't ask if we had text messages. Chances are you asked for our number to call us. Call NOT text. So, to continually send text after text sometimes after we have picked up the phone and called you instead of texting is just pointless.
I know some of you will never understand this. Some of you will continue to say you use the texting to get the conversation going as you work up your nerve. Now, let's go back to when you asked us for our number...Chances are you had to work up your nerve to ask for it so really if we didn't want to talk to you, we would have given you a fake number. OR if we change our minds we won't pick up the phone.
I remember there was once a time where I ignored text messages when a guy first got my number. I would ignore them because they couldn't determine I didn't have text messages on my phone until I answered. They would either get the message (no pun intended) or stop calling all the time.
Now I have the "randoms" trying to text me and frankly, I don't have the time or the patience to deal with it. Lately I've been ignoring the texts until they call or don't...it really doesn't matter.
So Mr. Text Messagers if you want love, you must call. If you want casual keep going after women who only want time-wasters chances are they aren't considering you as anyone special enough to talk to on the phone either.
We the single women of today’s society would officially like to tell you we hate text messaging. We can’t stand it. Yes, it can be convenient for when there is an opportune time to hold a conversation BUT we do not want to have an entire conversation through text messages.
See, when we gave you our number, you didn't ask if we had text messages. Chances are you asked for our number to call us. Call NOT text. So, to continually send text after text sometimes after we have picked up the phone and called you instead of texting is just pointless.
I know some of you will never understand this. Some of you will continue to say you use the texting to get the conversation going as you work up your nerve. Now, let's go back to when you asked us for our number...Chances are you had to work up your nerve to ask for it so really if we didn't want to talk to you, we would have given you a fake number. OR if we change our minds we won't pick up the phone.
I remember there was once a time where I ignored text messages when a guy first got my number. I would ignore them because they couldn't determine I didn't have text messages on my phone until I answered. They would either get the message (no pun intended) or stop calling all the time.
Now I have the "randoms" trying to text me and frankly, I don't have the time or the patience to deal with it. Lately I've been ignoring the texts until they call or don't...it really doesn't matter.
So Mr. Text Messagers if you want love, you must call. If you want casual keep going after women who only want time-wasters chances are they aren't considering you as anyone special enough to talk to on the phone either.
It’s not how you start…It’s how you finish…
I think that’s how the saying goes, but I could be wrong. And what I'm talking about starting and finishing is the race of love/marriage. Anyway I had to think of that saying today when I read the news of one of my former interns became engaged recently. Don’t get me wrong I was completely happy for her as soon as I read the news this morning because all of the things I’ve said previously in this blog concerning marriage but then there was that one part of me that made me think-dang there goes another person younger than me tying the knot.
I emailed her and told her how proud of her I was because I witnessed first hand this summer how she and her then-boyfriend now fiancé decided to fast from talking to each other so they could be sure they were taking their relationship in the direction God wanted. And now, four months later, they are engaged.
Imagine, if we all were so obedient, how would God bless our relationships. I’ve been pondering on that fact all day and I realized that as I continue to trust, but more importantly, listen to what God is telling me to do, then he is starting to bless me more and more everyday.
After all, I started listening to him and I received a promotion, when I decided I had put up with enough of the random text messages and after-dark phone calls, then I found someone who would commit to calling me during my normal functioning hours. Yep, I’ve seen the change.
And the most important part is that the last time I was faced with a potential relationship fiasco, we took it to God in prayer. I’m so at ease now and in a “que sera sera” mood about it all, that I know God will take care of it all. It’s just up to me to let him do his work. And if he does the work then I’ll most certainly finish the race and just in the time I should.
I emailed her and told her how proud of her I was because I witnessed first hand this summer how she and her then-boyfriend now fiancé decided to fast from talking to each other so they could be sure they were taking their relationship in the direction God wanted. And now, four months later, they are engaged.
Imagine, if we all were so obedient, how would God bless our relationships. I’ve been pondering on that fact all day and I realized that as I continue to trust, but more importantly, listen to what God is telling me to do, then he is starting to bless me more and more everyday.
After all, I started listening to him and I received a promotion, when I decided I had put up with enough of the random text messages and after-dark phone calls, then I found someone who would commit to calling me during my normal functioning hours. Yep, I’ve seen the change.
And the most important part is that the last time I was faced with a potential relationship fiasco, we took it to God in prayer. I’m so at ease now and in a “que sera sera” mood about it all, that I know God will take care of it all. It’s just up to me to let him do his work. And if he does the work then I’ll most certainly finish the race and just in the time I should.
What I really love
Here's my top 10 list of things I love the most (this list excludes family and friends and crushes). Making this list was a lot harder than I thought-or actually the ranking was harder...:
10. Re-reading Pride & Prejudice for the upteenth time
9. Painting
8. Attending NFL games
7. Playing basketball
6. Playing flag football
5. Attending NBA games
4. Playing soccer
3. Early dismissal from work
2. Blue Bell ice cream
1. Staying up all night/staying in bed all day to finish a book
10. Re-reading Pride & Prejudice for the upteenth time
9. Painting
8. Attending NFL games
7. Playing basketball
6. Playing flag football
5. Attending NBA games
4. Playing soccer
3. Early dismissal from work
2. Blue Bell ice cream
1. Staying up all night/staying in bed all day to finish a book
Tuesday
If I had never met...
any of the people I call my friends I don't think I'd survive. I was of course watching SATC tonight and Carrie posed that question to her friends and I began bawling as much as they did on-screen.
Nashville is a big city but thus far it hasn't been overwhelming. If I wanted to hang out more, I'm sure I could but work has been surprisingly busy, so after-hours, I'm just ready to lounge on the couch and do nada.
I haven't met many people beyond those I knew going in but I thank God I still get along with my friends in Tejas and Knoxville so my communication channels are still open.
So many friends have been there for me, more often when I least expected it.
I never understand why God brings certain people into our lives, sometimes it is for us to bless them and other times, it is for them to bless us.
I have to remember that when life and people keep trying to tell me that ONE special person will come into my life and presumably fix all the insecurities and what nots I have this just isn't the case.
If this was the case, there wouldn't be more women on this earth than men-someone after all has to be alone unless you practice polygamy (which I don't) and even if you did, it is humanly impossible to be everywhere at the same time.
My prayer is that everyday I show God's love to everyone he has place in my life (or day) as he has bestowed it upon me. If you see me in violation of this rule, blow your whistle (and not in the Petey Pablo manner) to get me back on track.
Nashville is a big city but thus far it hasn't been overwhelming. If I wanted to hang out more, I'm sure I could but work has been surprisingly busy, so after-hours, I'm just ready to lounge on the couch and do nada.
I haven't met many people beyond those I knew going in but I thank God I still get along with my friends in Tejas and Knoxville so my communication channels are still open.
So many friends have been there for me, more often when I least expected it.
I never understand why God brings certain people into our lives, sometimes it is for us to bless them and other times, it is for them to bless us.
I have to remember that when life and people keep trying to tell me that ONE special person will come into my life and presumably fix all the insecurities and what nots I have this just isn't the case.
If this was the case, there wouldn't be more women on this earth than men-someone after all has to be alone unless you practice polygamy (which I don't) and even if you did, it is humanly impossible to be everywhere at the same time.
My prayer is that everyday I show God's love to everyone he has place in my life (or day) as he has bestowed it upon me. If you see me in violation of this rule, blow your whistle (and not in the Petey Pablo manner) to get me back on track.
Living Life to the fullest
A few years ago I read a book called "Table for One. The Savvy Girl's Guide to Being Single."
I found the book during one of my random trips to the Christian bookstore. What I read has stuck with me to this day.
Recently my best friend was blessed with leave from Iraq to come home for Thanksgiving and to see his niece graduate.
For the first time in three years, I made the journey home for the holiday because he would be home. But it wasn't for the reason everyone thought-yes, I was coming to see him, but for the first time in several years there was no underlying thought that maybe THIS time he would be ready to start something.
It took me eight years to finally get over him, but now that I have, my life has become more about me doing the things I want to do and not waiting on someone with whom I could finally experience those things.
It didn't become more evident to me until this year when I truly begin to make decisions based on what made me happy and going the places I've always wanted to visit.
Finally making it to Tucson, AZ I felt an unwary sense of accomplishment. True, it wasn't the city I thought I'd always like to live in-Phoenix-but it was Arizona and it was beautiful.
Whenever I travel anywhere I think about the John Mayer song "3X5." The lyrics say:
Let me say you should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time
I go outside
No more 3X5s.
Sunday as I drove around Tucson and watched the sun set, I was in the reality of the song. I couldn't take a picture (not only because I was driving) but also because it was something I had to experience for myself.
Funny enough, tonight he asked me if I took any pictures and I told him no.
I found the book during one of my random trips to the Christian bookstore. What I read has stuck with me to this day.
Recently my best friend was blessed with leave from Iraq to come home for Thanksgiving and to see his niece graduate.
For the first time in three years, I made the journey home for the holiday because he would be home. But it wasn't for the reason everyone thought-yes, I was coming to see him, but for the first time in several years there was no underlying thought that maybe THIS time he would be ready to start something.
It took me eight years to finally get over him, but now that I have, my life has become more about me doing the things I want to do and not waiting on someone with whom I could finally experience those things.
It didn't become more evident to me until this year when I truly begin to make decisions based on what made me happy and going the places I've always wanted to visit.
Finally making it to Tucson, AZ I felt an unwary sense of accomplishment. True, it wasn't the city I thought I'd always like to live in-Phoenix-but it was Arizona and it was beautiful.
Whenever I travel anywhere I think about the John Mayer song "3X5." The lyrics say:
Let me say you should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time
I go outside
No more 3X5s.
Sunday as I drove around Tucson and watched the sun set, I was in the reality of the song. I couldn't take a picture (not only because I was driving) but also because it was something I had to experience for myself.
Funny enough, tonight he asked me if I took any pictures and I told him no.
Thursday
True Love
If you ever want to know what true love is and if you've actually found it, there's only place that can tell you the truth-the Bible.
Trust me, I've tried it!!
And I'm a satisfied customer.
Regardless of your beliefs when you read 1 Corinthians 13, you can't help but to agree that this is the best definition.
Forget Webster's. Forget what you see on TV-the butterflies,clammy hands, nervousness can happen with the best cruses and lusts.
Whenever I can forgive anyone and put it all in the past, I know I truly love that person. Here's the passage in case you haven't heard or read it before.
(King James Version)
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
Trust me, I've tried it!!
And I'm a satisfied customer.
Regardless of your beliefs when you read 1 Corinthians 13, you can't help but to agree that this is the best definition.
Forget Webster's. Forget what you see on TV-the butterflies,clammy hands, nervousness can happen with the best cruses and lusts.
Whenever I can forgive anyone and put it all in the past, I know I truly love that person. Here's the passage in case you haven't heard or read it before.
(King James Version)
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
Monday
Funny Article about Kissing
Ok, here's a funny article I found today. Not that I'm smooching anybody but I must admit with those last few guys I've let get to that point, when I didn't feel the flutters, I knew it was not going to work. This was printed in today's Tennesseean.
Smooches can make or break a relationship
By KEILANI BEST
Florida Today
Kissing is so common that many of us don't think there's more to it than meets the lips.
Kissing is a universal language, a cross-cultural phenomenon, a sign of love, affection and kindness. But it could also be nature's way of filtering certain people from our lives.
For example, have you ever thought about why you liked someone until you kissed them?
According to research conducted by Gordon Gallup, a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany, kissing is a way to weed out people who are genetically incompatible with you.
"The evidence suggests that kissing evolved as a mate-assessment technique and that females, in particular, not only use kissing as a mate-assessment technique but also, once they're in a committed relationship with a male, continue to use kissing as a way to monitor and update the status of their relationship," he says.
Bad kiss is a deal breaker
Maybe that's why a kiss can spell the kiss of death to a budding relationship.
In the same study, most of the respondents admitted that they were attracted to someone only to have that attraction wane after they kissed him or her for the first time. After a bad kiss, then were no longer interested in building anything solid with that person. "There may be unconscious mechanisms that would make people make an assessment of genetic compatibility through a kiss," says Gallup.
Jennifer Schmall recalls a time when she experienced a bad kiss.
"It was kind of like an epiphany, like, 'What am I doing?' " says the Titusville, Fla., resident. "It wasn't so much sloppy. It just didn't feel right. It was pretty much over at that point. It became, 'Let's be friends.' Yeah, that was the deal breaker."
Now engaged, Schmall describes her first kiss with her now-fiancé as a deal maker. It sealed the deal on whether or not she was going to continue to date him.
"It was very unexpected, because he kind of snuck it in there when we were playing a game of pool," she says. "I shot a ball into one of the pockets, and to congratulate me, he leaned over and gave me a kiss. It felt right. I knew afterwards that he was definitely relationship material."
Danielle Smith of Satellite Beach, Fla., recalls a similar experience with a bad kisser.
"It was like, what the heck was that?" she says of the sloppy, wet kiss. "It was horrible."
Now also engaged, Smith says she got "butterflies" after her first kiss with her fiancé.
"It was exciting, like, 'Oh, gosh,' " she says. "Kind of like where you feel like you're in high school again, just kind of giggly."
Men kiss from Mars Gallup's study, which involved about 1,000 college students, also suggests that men and woman kiss for different reasons.
According to Gallup, men tend to kiss to gain sexual favors or to reconcile, whereas women kiss to check the status of their relationships. Kissing is also a way for men to connect with their partners and keep them interested physically. Men's saliva has trace amounts of testosterone, he says.
"As a consequence of male saliva exchange extending over a long period of time, it's conceivable that the testosterone in male saliva can stimulate female sex hormones and make females more receptive to sex," he says.
And while the male respondents in the survey say that they would be more than happy to get physical with women who were bad kissers, most of the female respondents said they wouldn't dare.
This finding may be biologically significant as well.
According to Gallup, women have a small reproductive window in their lives, which can be why women tend to place so much more emphasis on that first kiss.
Kiss reflects relationship
Smith says she does kiss a lot during her relationship, but that lustful kiss has worn off and has been replaced by a more typical kiss as the status of her relationship has progressed.
Gallup's research says a kiss won't necessarily make a relationship, but it can kill one.
"There's an incredible amount of exchange of information, even the exchange of chemical information (during a kiss)," he says.
That first-kiss bug can strike men as well. Scott Burkett says that his first kiss with his partner and fiancé Dawn Falotico was "magical."
"It was in her bird's room, and it's painted blue and has stars on the ceiling that glow when you turn the lights off," he says. "It was perfect."
The two, who've known each other since 1979, lost touch and reconnected again. They are engaged to be married in January and couldn't be happier.
Smooches can make or break a relationship
By KEILANI BEST
Florida Today
Kissing is so common that many of us don't think there's more to it than meets the lips.
Kissing is a universal language, a cross-cultural phenomenon, a sign of love, affection and kindness. But it could also be nature's way of filtering certain people from our lives.
For example, have you ever thought about why you liked someone until you kissed them?
According to research conducted by Gordon Gallup, a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Albany, kissing is a way to weed out people who are genetically incompatible with you.
"The evidence suggests that kissing evolved as a mate-assessment technique and that females, in particular, not only use kissing as a mate-assessment technique but also, once they're in a committed relationship with a male, continue to use kissing as a way to monitor and update the status of their relationship," he says.
Bad kiss is a deal breaker
Maybe that's why a kiss can spell the kiss of death to a budding relationship.
In the same study, most of the respondents admitted that they were attracted to someone only to have that attraction wane after they kissed him or her for the first time. After a bad kiss, then were no longer interested in building anything solid with that person. "There may be unconscious mechanisms that would make people make an assessment of genetic compatibility through a kiss," says Gallup.
Jennifer Schmall recalls a time when she experienced a bad kiss.
"It was kind of like an epiphany, like, 'What am I doing?' " says the Titusville, Fla., resident. "It wasn't so much sloppy. It just didn't feel right. It was pretty much over at that point. It became, 'Let's be friends.' Yeah, that was the deal breaker."
Now engaged, Schmall describes her first kiss with her now-fiancé as a deal maker. It sealed the deal on whether or not she was going to continue to date him.
"It was very unexpected, because he kind of snuck it in there when we were playing a game of pool," she says. "I shot a ball into one of the pockets, and to congratulate me, he leaned over and gave me a kiss. It felt right. I knew afterwards that he was definitely relationship material."
Danielle Smith of Satellite Beach, Fla., recalls a similar experience with a bad kisser.
"It was like, what the heck was that?" she says of the sloppy, wet kiss. "It was horrible."
Now also engaged, Smith says she got "butterflies" after her first kiss with her fiancé.
"It was exciting, like, 'Oh, gosh,' " she says. "Kind of like where you feel like you're in high school again, just kind of giggly."
Men kiss from Mars Gallup's study, which involved about 1,000 college students, also suggests that men and woman kiss for different reasons.
According to Gallup, men tend to kiss to gain sexual favors or to reconcile, whereas women kiss to check the status of their relationships. Kissing is also a way for men to connect with their partners and keep them interested physically. Men's saliva has trace amounts of testosterone, he says.
"As a consequence of male saliva exchange extending over a long period of time, it's conceivable that the testosterone in male saliva can stimulate female sex hormones and make females more receptive to sex," he says.
And while the male respondents in the survey say that they would be more than happy to get physical with women who were bad kissers, most of the female respondents said they wouldn't dare.
This finding may be biologically significant as well.
According to Gallup, women have a small reproductive window in their lives, which can be why women tend to place so much more emphasis on that first kiss.
Kiss reflects relationship
Smith says she does kiss a lot during her relationship, but that lustful kiss has worn off and has been replaced by a more typical kiss as the status of her relationship has progressed.
Gallup's research says a kiss won't necessarily make a relationship, but it can kill one.
"There's an incredible amount of exchange of information, even the exchange of chemical information (during a kiss)," he says.
That first-kiss bug can strike men as well. Scott Burkett says that his first kiss with his partner and fiancé Dawn Falotico was "magical."
"It was in her bird's room, and it's painted blue and has stars on the ceiling that glow when you turn the lights off," he says. "It was perfect."
The two, who've known each other since 1979, lost touch and reconnected again. They are engaged to be married in January and couldn't be happier.
Wednesday
Truth be told
I'm okay with the idea of not getting married.
See, I really have nothing to lose if I don't. What do I mean-already at my age I will hold the record in my immediate family for being the oldest person to get married.
And once I started college and got involved with my internships and part-time jobs I realized it would be hard for me to sustain a relationship.
One, there was the intimidation factor (that I had no clue about until my brothers B and P clued me in on it) and two, I was so involved with doing whatever it took to get where I wanted, that I didn't have time to hang out and date like normal college students do.
That is if you don't count my having first dibs on playing the winner of NBA2K4 matches happening with the guys down the hall of my dorm when I got in from my internship at the news station.
I distinctly remember having one "date" with a guy after my internship where I was so exhausted and he was sick to where we just sat on the bed in my apartment and talked for a little bit until we both almost fell asleep. EXCITING!
Then, there's the final thing that kills it all. I don't want kids.
Yes, I know I'm "great" with them as everyone seems to think, but really, I don't want any of my own. I like the fact I can send kids home to their parents when they start to act up.
So, I would need a man who can take my long hours at work, driven personality and slim desire to have kids.
Any takers?
One of my very early memories about marriage was hearing that God didn't want us to get married because it would take our focus off pleasing him because instead we would try to please that other person.
When I heard that, I remember thinking, I wanted to serve God with my whole heart and therefore I didn't need to get married.
So, as much as I would like companionship on some days, there are two women I look up to dearly who have advanced where I'd like to in my career and they aren't married.
I haven't asked them yet if they would like to get married, but I know if they can live their life with no regrets so can I.
See, I really have nothing to lose if I don't. What do I mean-already at my age I will hold the record in my immediate family for being the oldest person to get married.
And once I started college and got involved with my internships and part-time jobs I realized it would be hard for me to sustain a relationship.
One, there was the intimidation factor (that I had no clue about until my brothers B and P clued me in on it) and two, I was so involved with doing whatever it took to get where I wanted, that I didn't have time to hang out and date like normal college students do.
That is if you don't count my having first dibs on playing the winner of NBA2K4 matches happening with the guys down the hall of my dorm when I got in from my internship at the news station.
I distinctly remember having one "date" with a guy after my internship where I was so exhausted and he was sick to where we just sat on the bed in my apartment and talked for a little bit until we both almost fell asleep. EXCITING!
Then, there's the final thing that kills it all. I don't want kids.
Yes, I know I'm "great" with them as everyone seems to think, but really, I don't want any of my own. I like the fact I can send kids home to their parents when they start to act up.
So, I would need a man who can take my long hours at work, driven personality and slim desire to have kids.
Any takers?
One of my very early memories about marriage was hearing that God didn't want us to get married because it would take our focus off pleasing him because instead we would try to please that other person.
When I heard that, I remember thinking, I wanted to serve God with my whole heart and therefore I didn't need to get married.
So, as much as I would like companionship on some days, there are two women I look up to dearly who have advanced where I'd like to in my career and they aren't married.
I haven't asked them yet if they would like to get married, but I know if they can live their life with no regrets so can I.
Making it work
Yesterday I had some semi-disappointing news.
I learned one of my favorite married couples isn't doing too well.
And the sad part is, they may not try to make things work.
They may just give up.
A couple who has been together for many years may end their covenanent to each other because they are finding out their differences.
I always thought when you were truly comfortable with someone you begin to let your true side show. Sure, we all grow and develop additions to our personalities as the years go on (slowly but surely I'm turning into my father), but when you feel at ease with the other person in the relationship, shouldn't you try to accept their new quirks as they accept yours?
I'm not married and never been married so I can only pose those questions into the vast void where all hypothetical questions land.
But if there is someone out there listening to those questions, can you please answer just a few of the questions I dispense in this blog?
Thanks!
I learned one of my favorite married couples isn't doing too well.
And the sad part is, they may not try to make things work.
They may just give up.
A couple who has been together for many years may end their covenanent to each other because they are finding out their differences.
I always thought when you were truly comfortable with someone you begin to let your true side show. Sure, we all grow and develop additions to our personalities as the years go on (slowly but surely I'm turning into my father), but when you feel at ease with the other person in the relationship, shouldn't you try to accept their new quirks as they accept yours?
I'm not married and never been married so I can only pose those questions into the vast void where all hypothetical questions land.
But if there is someone out there listening to those questions, can you please answer just a few of the questions I dispense in this blog?
Thanks!
My name isn't Earl so I have to wonder...
Does relationship karma exist?
I mean I just divulged that I stopped returning my first boyfriend's phone calls when I wanted to break up but avoid confrontation.
Now, I've had several guys do the same thing to me.
So, does relationship karma exist? And if so, how many times do you have to get dumped on before you have paid your debt to society?
I'd say I've paid my debt but I guess its only up to karma to decide.
I mean I just divulged that I stopped returning my first boyfriend's phone calls when I wanted to break up but avoid confrontation.
Now, I've had several guys do the same thing to me.
So, does relationship karma exist? And if so, how many times do you have to get dumped on before you have paid your debt to society?
I'd say I've paid my debt but I guess its only up to karma to decide.
If I could do it all over again…
So I’ve been doing some thinking (today) and if I could take back my end of the breakup on any relationship in my life it would be with my first boyfriend.
Honestly, he was everything you could ask for. Polite. Handsome. Went to church. AND my parents liked him!!! Well, my mom did anyway.
But then there was the whole he was older than me but still a year behind me in scool (let's not go there in maturity). And true, I was an over achiever thanks to my parents but even in high school I was of the opinion that guys who were younger (or a year behind) weren’t going to work because of the maturity factor.
And then I had the stupid thought I should have a boyfriend who went to the same school as I, therefore, I let him go.
Looking back, that was probably the stupidest thing I’ve done. No, he hasn’t come close to doing anything miraculous or profound since we’ve broken up, but I have to say, I regret how I did it (stopped calling).
And I also know that if I hadn’t broken up with him chances are I would actually put my prom pictures up because we did make a better looking couple than the guy I traded him in for.
Honestly, he was everything you could ask for. Polite. Handsome. Went to church. AND my parents liked him!!! Well, my mom did anyway.
But then there was the whole he was older than me but still a year behind me in scool (let's not go there in maturity). And true, I was an over achiever thanks to my parents but even in high school I was of the opinion that guys who were younger (or a year behind) weren’t going to work because of the maturity factor.
And then I had the stupid thought I should have a boyfriend who went to the same school as I, therefore, I let him go.
Looking back, that was probably the stupidest thing I’ve done. No, he hasn’t come close to doing anything miraculous or profound since we’ve broken up, but I have to say, I regret how I did it (stopped calling).
And I also know that if I hadn’t broken up with him chances are I would actually put my prom pictures up because we did make a better looking couple than the guy I traded him in for.
Why do we do that?
Yep, us? I mean I know this blog is about me and all my exploits but I feel to include my fellow single women in this question.
The “that” I’m referring to would be when we have a good guy who wants to spend time with us, calls and invites us to other things, but for some reason we find a reason to get rid of him.
Suddenly after months (or years) of saying we want a guy who calls, comes up with things for us to do, we don’t want to get involved because the guy is “too available” or better yet, “needy.”
Don’t get me wrong, some guys are needy and those should be avoided at all cost or at least tipped off that their neediness is the reason you are leaving them that way they can work on it for their next relationship. ☺
I think the only reason to not let a relationship bloom if you feel the guy is too needy is if you aren’t attracted to them.
Because I’m a firm believer if you’re not attracted to them in the first place, when the relationship does end at the end of it all you will hate yourself for getting in the relationship when “I was never attracted to him in the first place.”
Been there, done that. And that is the one reason I will not let a so-so relationship work.
The “that” I’m referring to would be when we have a good guy who wants to spend time with us, calls and invites us to other things, but for some reason we find a reason to get rid of him.
Suddenly after months (or years) of saying we want a guy who calls, comes up with things for us to do, we don’t want to get involved because the guy is “too available” or better yet, “needy.”
Don’t get me wrong, some guys are needy and those should be avoided at all cost or at least tipped off that their neediness is the reason you are leaving them that way they can work on it for their next relationship. ☺
I think the only reason to not let a relationship bloom if you feel the guy is too needy is if you aren’t attracted to them.
Because I’m a firm believer if you’re not attracted to them in the first place, when the relationship does end at the end of it all you will hate yourself for getting in the relationship when “I was never attracted to him in the first place.”
Been there, done that. And that is the one reason I will not let a so-so relationship work.
Tuesday
Being alone can help
It's true. After spending three years with myself in a series of dysfunctional relationships, I've noticed when I'm alone, I really center and make the best decisions for my life.
I'm not shortchanging myself of compromising myself/beliefs for the sake of making someone else happy.
Because truth be told, I'm really selfish.
After spending most of my life feeling like the middle child (my sister being the oldest and my dad the youngest), I feel like I was neglected during some of my childhood.
Don't get me wrong, my parents were amazing. ESPECIALLY MY MOM! I can only think of one performance she missed when I was in school and that was only because my sister had an event the same night so my parents had to each take one.
But there were certain things I learned to compromise on as a kid that has made me into the selfish adult I am today.
Take my sports for instance. When I was younger I really wanted to play softball. BUT there were no girl leagues on our side of town, so even though my parents offered, I knew it would be an extremely large amount of time and money for me to play on the north side, so I choose to be a cheerleader with my sisters and cousins.
Now, my parents were the type to do anything for us if we really wanted or needed it, but I was blessed as a child to give up that dream of playing at that point in time. So I bided my time as a cheerleader (even though I was good I lacked the "pep" often needed) and cheered for six years of my life.
Those remaining two years I actually hated because at that point I had fallen into a pattern of doing things my sister had done. She was a middle school cheerleader and had set the standard, so now I had to be one.
Then came high school. I've always been good at math (and I have my father's impromptu math quizzes to thank for that) and I love to draw. So when it came time for me to pick a school, I seriously considered attending a school that catered to engineering and arts.
BUT in addition to its (sorry Ms. O. Jones) ghetto reputation, I also knew the time and money it would take for me to attend a different high school from my sister so I choose her school. (see the pattern) And since I knew how to play two instruments it only made since for me to join the band as well...
Finally, when my sister left and went to college, I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I hated that school so much I tried to talk my parents into letting me transfer to a school closer to our home but changed my mind when I realized there was a chance I wouldn't be at the top of my class if I did.
So to make this even longer story short, those are just a few examples of why I'm so selfish when it comes to the "little" things in life.
I love playing sports and therefore I'll pay to play them so don't ask me to miss my soccer game when you know that's important to me.
Also, I like my mornings to myself. I don't feel rushed unless I rush myself and I can talk or choose not to talk if I so please.
And, I can eat straight from any container in the fridge or freezer because I am the only one eating the food.
Yes, I'm alone but I can choose how I like to live. And figuring out what I like to do really only happens when I'm alone to test it out.
I'm not shortchanging myself of compromising myself/beliefs for the sake of making someone else happy.
Because truth be told, I'm really selfish.
After spending most of my life feeling like the middle child (my sister being the oldest and my dad the youngest), I feel like I was neglected during some of my childhood.
Don't get me wrong, my parents were amazing. ESPECIALLY MY MOM! I can only think of one performance she missed when I was in school and that was only because my sister had an event the same night so my parents had to each take one.
But there were certain things I learned to compromise on as a kid that has made me into the selfish adult I am today.
Take my sports for instance. When I was younger I really wanted to play softball. BUT there were no girl leagues on our side of town, so even though my parents offered, I knew it would be an extremely large amount of time and money for me to play on the north side, so I choose to be a cheerleader with my sisters and cousins.
Now, my parents were the type to do anything for us if we really wanted or needed it, but I was blessed as a child to give up that dream of playing at that point in time. So I bided my time as a cheerleader (even though I was good I lacked the "pep" often needed) and cheered for six years of my life.
Those remaining two years I actually hated because at that point I had fallen into a pattern of doing things my sister had done. She was a middle school cheerleader and had set the standard, so now I had to be one.
Then came high school. I've always been good at math (and I have my father's impromptu math quizzes to thank for that) and I love to draw. So when it came time for me to pick a school, I seriously considered attending a school that catered to engineering and arts.
BUT in addition to its (sorry Ms. O. Jones) ghetto reputation, I also knew the time and money it would take for me to attend a different high school from my sister so I choose her school. (see the pattern) And since I knew how to play two instruments it only made since for me to join the band as well...
Finally, when my sister left and went to college, I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I hated that school so much I tried to talk my parents into letting me transfer to a school closer to our home but changed my mind when I realized there was a chance I wouldn't be at the top of my class if I did.
So to make this even longer story short, those are just a few examples of why I'm so selfish when it comes to the "little" things in life.
I love playing sports and therefore I'll pay to play them so don't ask me to miss my soccer game when you know that's important to me.
Also, I like my mornings to myself. I don't feel rushed unless I rush myself and I can talk or choose not to talk if I so please.
And, I can eat straight from any container in the fridge or freezer because I am the only one eating the food.
Yes, I'm alone but I can choose how I like to live. And figuring out what I like to do really only happens when I'm alone to test it out.
Do I look lonely?
Have you ever had someone just keep trying to fix you up with someone that you know you're not interested.
You try to be nice to avoid hurting your friend/colleague/family member's felings at first but as they keep pestering you, you're not sure how long you can hold out?
That's the current situation I'm in.
Someone at work keeps trying to fix me up with this guy who 1) is old enough to be my father and 2) I'm not even remotely interested in.
At first I could laugh about their pursuit but now, it's starting to get annoying.
Today, I finally asked someone else who knows the whole situation if I looked lonely when I walked down the hall since this person was so insistent on trying to fix the two of us.
They said no, and I don't think they would lie. I look at myself in the mirror multiple times a day and I can't see "it" so I have no clue what's making this person so insistent.
Hopefully I won't have to hear about "the guy" anymore this week since I was informed he's on vacation. My thought, "did I ask?"
You try to be nice to avoid hurting your friend/colleague/family member's felings at first but as they keep pestering you, you're not sure how long you can hold out?
That's the current situation I'm in.
Someone at work keeps trying to fix me up with this guy who 1) is old enough to be my father and 2) I'm not even remotely interested in.
At first I could laugh about their pursuit but now, it's starting to get annoying.
Today, I finally asked someone else who knows the whole situation if I looked lonely when I walked down the hall since this person was so insistent on trying to fix the two of us.
They said no, and I don't think they would lie. I look at myself in the mirror multiple times a day and I can't see "it" so I have no clue what's making this person so insistent.
Hopefully I won't have to hear about "the guy" anymore this week since I was informed he's on vacation. My thought, "did I ask?"
New city, new promotion, new....
fill in the blank. But whatever you do, don't fill it in with any word that deals with the opposite sex.
Now that I've moved to Nashville and been blessed with a promotion many people have said that what's coming down the pike is a new man.
Now, as much as one of my co-workers wants to set me up with someone who frequents our office on a daily basis, I'm actually doing okay by myself. (I'll get into that story later)
In fact, I would go to the movies by myself only I can't find the movie theater. I tried finding it last Friday but instead I found the bowling alley...
When I first moved and people kept saying that in those emails I finally started telling people unless I could find a man who wanted to look at me while I slept then I didn't have time for anyone.
Now honestly, I could probably find someone who would just sit and look at me while I slept but really, how CREEPY would that be?
And besides, I was on the road for most of Sept. and Oct. and I really just needed a break.
Mentally, I'm still not sure if I'm ready to go back into the warfield. People aren't playing fairly these days and I can't take any more cheaters (in the game of love that is) so right now I'd rather just play by myself.
Now that I've moved to Nashville and been blessed with a promotion many people have said that what's coming down the pike is a new man.
Now, as much as one of my co-workers wants to set me up with someone who frequents our office on a daily basis, I'm actually doing okay by myself. (I'll get into that story later)
In fact, I would go to the movies by myself only I can't find the movie theater. I tried finding it last Friday but instead I found the bowling alley...
When I first moved and people kept saying that in those emails I finally started telling people unless I could find a man who wanted to look at me while I slept then I didn't have time for anyone.
Now honestly, I could probably find someone who would just sit and look at me while I slept but really, how CREEPY would that be?
And besides, I was on the road for most of Sept. and Oct. and I really just needed a break.
Mentally, I'm still not sure if I'm ready to go back into the warfield. People aren't playing fairly these days and I can't take any more cheaters (in the game of love that is) so right now I'd rather just play by myself.
Ah, to be Carrie
So by now we've all recieved that email. You know, the email that asks you which Sex and the City character you're most like.
I have to admit somedays I'm a combination of Miranda (cynic), Charlotte (romantic/preppy) and Carrie (open) but I can't identify with just one.
Now, before I get too deep, I will say that until a year ago I didn't understand the mystique behind SATC. I didn't get it until I sat down and watched episode after episode on On Demand and I realized it wasn't just about sex, it was really about relationships.
And then, I have to admit, I started to freak out. I mean here are these (fictional) women in their thirties encountering the same type of men I was encountering in my 20s. And early 20s at that. I mean one of my main hopes in life was that men would mature but the show was starting to kill that hope.
As I continued to watch, I became entranced in the dialogue. I get excited every time I see those words appear across Carrie's computer screen as it reminds me of how I once blogged to my hearts content to the amusement of those who read my blog.
Finally tonight after a frustrating day at work and three episodes of SATC, I thought what it would be like to be Carrie and ping out my frustrations of the day. Thus, "Ah to be Carrie" was born.
This blog will be a chronicle of my dating life. Or my non-existent dating life filled with fresh material (although I will tell you I had some great stuff on my other blogs) that will make you laugh, cry, or just think about having me committed.
Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy your stay!
I have to admit somedays I'm a combination of Miranda (cynic), Charlotte (romantic/preppy) and Carrie (open) but I can't identify with just one.
Now, before I get too deep, I will say that until a year ago I didn't understand the mystique behind SATC. I didn't get it until I sat down and watched episode after episode on On Demand and I realized it wasn't just about sex, it was really about relationships.
And then, I have to admit, I started to freak out. I mean here are these (fictional) women in their thirties encountering the same type of men I was encountering in my 20s. And early 20s at that. I mean one of my main hopes in life was that men would mature but the show was starting to kill that hope.
As I continued to watch, I became entranced in the dialogue. I get excited every time I see those words appear across Carrie's computer screen as it reminds me of how I once blogged to my hearts content to the amusement of those who read my blog.
Finally tonight after a frustrating day at work and three episodes of SATC, I thought what it would be like to be Carrie and ping out my frustrations of the day. Thus, "Ah to be Carrie" was born.
This blog will be a chronicle of my dating life. Or my non-existent dating life filled with fresh material (although I will tell you I had some great stuff on my other blogs) that will make you laugh, cry, or just think about having me committed.
Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy your stay!
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