Being alone can help

It's true. After spending three years with myself in a series of dysfunctional relationships, I've noticed when I'm alone, I really center and make the best decisions for my life.

I'm not shortchanging myself of compromising myself/beliefs for the sake of making someone else happy.

Because truth be told, I'm really selfish.

After spending most of my life feeling like the middle child (my sister being the oldest and my dad the youngest), I feel like I was neglected during some of my childhood.

Don't get me wrong, my parents were amazing. ESPECIALLY MY MOM! I can only think of one performance she missed when I was in school and that was only because my sister had an event the same night so my parents had to each take one.

But there were certain things I learned to compromise on as a kid that has made me into the selfish adult I am today.

Take my sports for instance. When I was younger I really wanted to play softball. BUT there were no girl leagues on our side of town, so even though my parents offered, I knew it would be an extremely large amount of time and money for me to play on the north side, so I choose to be a cheerleader with my sisters and cousins.

Now, my parents were the type to do anything for us if we really wanted or needed it, but I was blessed as a child to give up that dream of playing at that point in time. So I bided my time as a cheerleader (even though I was good I lacked the "pep" often needed) and cheered for six years of my life.

Those remaining two years I actually hated because at that point I had fallen into a pattern of doing things my sister had done. She was a middle school cheerleader and had set the standard, so now I had to be one.

Then came high school. I've always been good at math (and I have my father's impromptu math quizzes to thank for that) and I love to draw. So when it came time for me to pick a school, I seriously considered attending a school that catered to engineering and arts.

BUT in addition to its (sorry Ms. O. Jones) ghetto reputation, I also knew the time and money it would take for me to attend a different high school from my sister so I choose her school. (see the pattern) And since I knew how to play two instruments it only made since for me to join the band as well...

Finally, when my sister left and went to college, I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I hated that school so much I tried to talk my parents into letting me transfer to a school closer to our home but changed my mind when I realized there was a chance I wouldn't be at the top of my class if I did.

So to make this even longer story short, those are just a few examples of why I'm so selfish when it comes to the "little" things in life.

I love playing sports and therefore I'll pay to play them so don't ask me to miss my soccer game when you know that's important to me.

Also, I like my mornings to myself. I don't feel rushed unless I rush myself and I can talk or choose not to talk if I so please.

And, I can eat straight from any container in the fridge or freezer because I am the only one eating the food.

Yes, I'm alone but I can choose how I like to live. And figuring out what I like to do really only happens when I'm alone to test it out.