I've said it before but I will say it again: I have some of the best male friends there are in this world.
Two in particular, well three but that's another entry, made my week.
The first is my ace boon coon in Tennessee who gave me a dose of reality when it came to my approach to relationships. It's amazing no matter how many times you hear people talk about their mistakes and you mentally list them for others, you still find yourself doing the same thing. In my case in particular, I was beginning to put a time limit on the development of something that I hope will develop. He sternly but sweetly reminded me that: It's never about "the right" timing, if it's the right person it will happen no matter how wrong the timing may seem.
Point taken.
The next guy made me feel overly special when he took time out of his schedule to have lunch yesterday. This gesture may seem insignificant, but he realized he hadn't followed through on seeing me during his last 3-4 visits to my city, so he ensured that it didn't happen this time. It's great to see how God is working in his life and I PRAY that he finds the right woman who can accept and return all the love he has in heart.
Despite what my Marriable book may have said, I think my male friends are the exception and not the rule. As long as you follow etiquette, you and a male friend can maintain a friendship even if they are in a marriage or serious relationship. Just make sure your motives are pure and solely platonic and don't forget to throw in a "Say hi to _____" every time you talk. That doesn't hurt either.
Sunday
Monday
Tempted but not ready yet
This weekend after reading "Marriable" and how the husband and wife authors were able to find each other through an online dating site, I was tempted to take eHarmony up on its 5-free days of communication with prospective matches.
Again, I'll say I was tempted but before I fully committed to logging on and creating a new annoynmous email, I was saved by a parental request to go to the gym.
Whew, that was close.
The truth is, while I have nothing against those sites, I still hope that the person for me is somewhere in this city (selfishly because I don't want to move) and that God will bring that person to me as long as I'm not dumb enough to think they will just come ring my doorbell.
Therefore I must continue to press on in this dating game. Smiling at people --everyone not just men--and learning how to project my positive personal traits and nip those other bad traits in the bud before the hubby comes along.
Again, I'll say I was tempted but before I fully committed to logging on and creating a new annoynmous email, I was saved by a parental request to go to the gym.
Whew, that was close.
The truth is, while I have nothing against those sites, I still hope that the person for me is somewhere in this city (selfishly because I don't want to move) and that God will bring that person to me as long as I'm not dumb enough to think they will just come ring my doorbell.
Therefore I must continue to press on in this dating game. Smiling at people --everyone not just men--and learning how to project my positive personal traits and nip those other bad traits in the bud before the hubby comes along.
Add to your playlist
I've discovered the best song ever that describes where I am in my life right now.
The song is "According to You" by Orianthi.
I purchased it maybe two weeks ago and I'm sure it has been played over 40 times on my ipod...
Essentially in the song the girl compares the two men in life. One guy just sees all her faults while the other sees her strengths and possibilities and most important: her beauty!
According to "Marriable" and my real-life experience, that's really the number one thing women want, to know that men think they are beautiful.*
In the song she has to choose because the negative guy is not really giving her much of a choice with his closed-mindedness and harmful assessment of her personality.
I love this song because it reminds me of the night and day difference of the men in my life and if I want I can take it one step further and bring it to a spiritual level relating the "good guy" with God who thinks I'm "everything he ever wanted."
Download it today-you'll love it, especially when running at a speed of 7.0 on the treadmill!!
*Valentine tells me more often than not that I'm beautiful or that other people who encounter me think I'm beautiful. It may sound vain but I never get tired of hearing it. I guess I should return the favor in a way that sounds genuine-because I do think he's handsome. Meanwhile when I mentioned to my "other guy" that I lost mt goal weight of 30 pounds he told me, "yeah, it looks like you've been through chemo." *sigh*
The song is "According to You" by Orianthi.
I purchased it maybe two weeks ago and I'm sure it has been played over 40 times on my ipod...
Essentially in the song the girl compares the two men in life. One guy just sees all her faults while the other sees her strengths and possibilities and most important: her beauty!
According to "Marriable" and my real-life experience, that's really the number one thing women want, to know that men think they are beautiful.*
In the song she has to choose because the negative guy is not really giving her much of a choice with his closed-mindedness and harmful assessment of her personality.
I love this song because it reminds me of the night and day difference of the men in my life and if I want I can take it one step further and bring it to a spiritual level relating the "good guy" with God who thinks I'm "everything he ever wanted."
Download it today-you'll love it, especially when running at a speed of 7.0 on the treadmill!!
*Valentine tells me more often than not that I'm beautiful or that other people who encounter me think I'm beautiful. It may sound vain but I never get tired of hearing it. I guess I should return the favor in a way that sounds genuine-because I do think he's handsome. Meanwhile when I mentioned to my "other guy" that I lost mt goal weight of 30 pounds he told me, "yeah, it looks like you've been through chemo." *sigh*
Are you sure, because it kinda feels like....
I have a big dilemma and I'm trying not to focus on it 24/7 because there are other things that are more important. But here's my problem. Lately "Valentine" is starting to grow on me and evoke more than friendly emotions. This is a problem because he has stated on more than one occasion that he only wants to be friends with females. And given the recent history of some of his female friends coming on to him, I have to find a way to keep my cool.
The question I've been asked over and over has been " are you sure you two are just friends because it kinda seems like you're not." Apparently his behavior towards me to the outside observer appears to be "more than friendly" including my dad who continues to insist that he is "playing for keeps." As he puts it, he told my mom that he and she were just friends until the point he just couldn't take it any longer. Suffice to say it's now 30 years later and they are still friends but also married.
In the past four weeks we've gone to the movies almost once a week (I currently hold his top record for going to the movies with one person), hung out at his place at least once a week, worked out together at least once a week (including getting through a 6am workout after we talked on the phone until 220 am), had lunch with my entire family twice, and I've attended two events with his church friends and met two of his siblings.
He's told me that some of his other female friends have begun to make snide comments about how he has been spending more time with me than them lately and he's brushed it off by saying that I have an advantage over them because our talks are uplifting and inspirational, we have common interests (read gym), and we live in close proximity to each other. These are logical explanations to me that I accept but my dad isn't entirely convinced.
Especially when I mention that he's made it a point to personally cook dinner for me at his place more than once, including purchasing something else for dinner when I suggested we eat something other than what he'd prepared...
Because I now know that talking on the phone doesn't equal him liking me, I'm not as certain about whether this is a signal that he wants to be more than friends or if I'm just a convenient distraction before he goes to bed.
I've also noticed that he constantly asks whether anyone has hit on me and assumes that every time I tell him a story about a guy that it ends in the guy asking me out on a date.* I've never given him the impression that I'm the type of girl that expects all that attention, so I have to believe deep down that he is protective or cautious of the possibility that someone will approach me while he is still playing his friend card.
Either way, the extra attention he pays me and the way he takes care of me is second to none. I really feel it is genuine and could be continued over a long period of time. His compliments are so unexpected but simplistically charming that they make me blush and wonder, "could there be more?..."
When we talk about certain things, he always talks about us doing things in the future, the beach, my family reunion, etc., but I never know in what capacity he sees us doing those things.
Because of this, I keep my guard up and my eyes open. While this basket looks really attractive to the eye, I do have to be aware there may be another that's even better to store my eggs.
*He also confessed to doing a little Facebook stalking to see if I had pictures of my ex-boyfriend. I don't and I can't find the prom picture that he desperately wants to see. Sidenote: he is convinced the girl he took to prom looks like me. Jury is still out on that one...
The question I've been asked over and over has been " are you sure you two are just friends because it kinda seems like you're not." Apparently his behavior towards me to the outside observer appears to be "more than friendly" including my dad who continues to insist that he is "playing for keeps." As he puts it, he told my mom that he and she were just friends until the point he just couldn't take it any longer. Suffice to say it's now 30 years later and they are still friends but also married.
In the past four weeks we've gone to the movies almost once a week (I currently hold his top record for going to the movies with one person), hung out at his place at least once a week, worked out together at least once a week (including getting through a 6am workout after we talked on the phone until 220 am), had lunch with my entire family twice, and I've attended two events with his church friends and met two of his siblings.
He's told me that some of his other female friends have begun to make snide comments about how he has been spending more time with me than them lately and he's brushed it off by saying that I have an advantage over them because our talks are uplifting and inspirational, we have common interests (read gym), and we live in close proximity to each other. These are logical explanations to me that I accept but my dad isn't entirely convinced.
Especially when I mention that he's made it a point to personally cook dinner for me at his place more than once, including purchasing something else for dinner when I suggested we eat something other than what he'd prepared...
Because I now know that talking on the phone doesn't equal him liking me, I'm not as certain about whether this is a signal that he wants to be more than friends or if I'm just a convenient distraction before he goes to bed.
I've also noticed that he constantly asks whether anyone has hit on me and assumes that every time I tell him a story about a guy that it ends in the guy asking me out on a date.* I've never given him the impression that I'm the type of girl that expects all that attention, so I have to believe deep down that he is protective or cautious of the possibility that someone will approach me while he is still playing his friend card.
Either way, the extra attention he pays me and the way he takes care of me is second to none. I really feel it is genuine and could be continued over a long period of time. His compliments are so unexpected but simplistically charming that they make me blush and wonder, "could there be more?..."
When we talk about certain things, he always talks about us doing things in the future, the beach, my family reunion, etc., but I never know in what capacity he sees us doing those things.
Because of this, I keep my guard up and my eyes open. While this basket looks really attractive to the eye, I do have to be aware there may be another that's even better to store my eggs.
*He also confessed to doing a little Facebook stalking to see if I had pictures of my ex-boyfriend. I don't and I can't find the prom picture that he desperately wants to see. Sidenote: he is convinced the girl he took to prom looks like me. Jury is still out on that one...
V-day 2010
I've never been one of those girls to go all out or get depressed on Valentine's Day if I do or do not have a romantic interest in my life.
I think it is because my parents have always said that you should show someone that you love him/her everyday of the year and not just Valentine's Day. So if I didn't have anyone in my life, I wasn't too upset that I didn't spend Feb. 14 with them.
Two years ago I thought I had the best Valentine's Day ever because I spent it with the person I thought was the love of my life. Last year, I spent it with someone I cared about and even though our date was a bit of an afterthought I was happy to spend the day with him.
Well this year, blew both of those days out of the water because it was a day filled with genuine care and concern. My new friend, who from now on will will be called "Valentine" proposed two weeks ago that we should be Valentine's.
He said he got the idea when I told him about how my first male best friend in middle school gave me a gift that I still have to this day and when his co-worker suggested that he make me his "friendly" valentine. This declaration also came from an awkward but hilarious conversation that led him to admit that he'd already bought me a gift but if he wouldn't give it to me he would give it to his mom...
To get to this point he of course had to inquire about my relationship status because I hadn't divulged any of my personal history and I choose that opportunity to come clean and tell him about my lingering on-again-off-again relationship. I told him the abbreviated backstory and how recently I didn't think he was the one for me but I hadn't had the conversation. I also told him how I was saving the conversation for a face-to-face encounter because I loaned him an entire wardrobe's worth of hangers that I wanted back. Charmingly, or maybe even possessively, he told me to forget having the conversation and that he'd buy me all new hangers.
So after that we were set to be each other's valentines and I knew the two gifts I wanted to get him. While I couldn't find one of the gifts, I knew my backup gift was just as good since he had no idea what I planned to get him.
As the countdown to V-day began he would make comments about how I was close to my present and had no idea whenever I visit and also acknowledge how many days before I would get my present. The suspense was almost killing me but I had my Marriable book to keep me grounded. Saturday night we finally confirmed our plans for me to pick up lunch and meet him at his job since he was scheduled to work. We would have lunch together in his office and the exchange gifts.
When I got there I was introduced to his co-workers-including the co-worker who made the whole ordeal happen. His gift to me was very fitting of his personality-something that he thinks is funny and cute that he purchased on impulse (before knowing that I was actually allergic). BUT his presentation of the gift and selection of just the right card was more than I needed.
As I knew he would he loved his gift and didn't shy away from the camera when I snapped some photos of him opening it. He made it a point to show it to his employees when they came in and I got the best hug after he opened it.
While eating he confessed that he'd never had a valentine before so he never received a gift so that made me feel good that not only did he like his gift but that I was able to set the standard for years to come. His new nickname for me is "BGGE" also known as Best Gift Giver Ever. *Smile*
I think it is because my parents have always said that you should show someone that you love him/her everyday of the year and not just Valentine's Day. So if I didn't have anyone in my life, I wasn't too upset that I didn't spend Feb. 14 with them.
Two years ago I thought I had the best Valentine's Day ever because I spent it with the person I thought was the love of my life. Last year, I spent it with someone I cared about and even though our date was a bit of an afterthought I was happy to spend the day with him.
Well this year, blew both of those days out of the water because it was a day filled with genuine care and concern. My new friend, who from now on will will be called "Valentine" proposed two weeks ago that we should be Valentine's.
He said he got the idea when I told him about how my first male best friend in middle school gave me a gift that I still have to this day and when his co-worker suggested that he make me his "friendly" valentine. This declaration also came from an awkward but hilarious conversation that led him to admit that he'd already bought me a gift but if he wouldn't give it to me he would give it to his mom...
To get to this point he of course had to inquire about my relationship status because I hadn't divulged any of my personal history and I choose that opportunity to come clean and tell him about my lingering on-again-off-again relationship. I told him the abbreviated backstory and how recently I didn't think he was the one for me but I hadn't had the conversation. I also told him how I was saving the conversation for a face-to-face encounter because I loaned him an entire wardrobe's worth of hangers that I wanted back. Charmingly, or maybe even possessively, he told me to forget having the conversation and that he'd buy me all new hangers.
So after that we were set to be each other's valentines and I knew the two gifts I wanted to get him. While I couldn't find one of the gifts, I knew my backup gift was just as good since he had no idea what I planned to get him.
As the countdown to V-day began he would make comments about how I was close to my present and had no idea whenever I visit and also acknowledge how many days before I would get my present. The suspense was almost killing me but I had my Marriable book to keep me grounded. Saturday night we finally confirmed our plans for me to pick up lunch and meet him at his job since he was scheduled to work. We would have lunch together in his office and the exchange gifts.
When I got there I was introduced to his co-workers-including the co-worker who made the whole ordeal happen. His gift to me was very fitting of his personality-something that he thinks is funny and cute that he purchased on impulse (before knowing that I was actually allergic). BUT his presentation of the gift and selection of just the right card was more than I needed.
As I knew he would he loved his gift and didn't shy away from the camera when I snapped some photos of him opening it. He made it a point to show it to his employees when they came in and I got the best hug after he opened it.
While eating he confessed that he'd never had a valentine before so he never received a gift so that made me feel good that not only did he like his gift but that I was able to set the standard for years to come. His new nickname for me is "BGGE" also known as Best Gift Giver Ever. *Smile*
"Marriable" rocks my world
The other day while shopping for a certain someone's Valentine's Day gift and a gift for another special person in my life, I stumbled across a book on marriage in the Christian bookstore.
Yes, I'm always skeptical of self-help books or at least afraid to actually purchase these kinds of self-help books in public, but the idea of finding out the "Top Lies Women Tell Themselves about Relationships" sounded too good to pass up and if it were good info, too good not to pass along to my single friends.
So I purchased the book "Marriable" and let's just say I was engrossed, possibly even obsessed with it until I finished it. The book contained a lot of truths that I honestly knew all along but let myself ignore because the rest of society was going along with the lies.
They addressed the nice guy/bad guy predicament so much better than other people have in the past. Overall the advice this married couple doled out as a result of their relationship mishaps was comforting but also encouraging to know that if you are making mistakes or have made them in the past then there is still hope to get it right and be the person you need and want to be for the person God has for you.
Of course it blew the door wide open on my latest life addition's theory on being friends before dating/marriage and I'm not sure I have the heart to share or completely side with them but again, some of the truths behind their advice are just too true to ignore. And I speak from experience.
On the other side, I can see where taking their advice on not being "so available" (c'mon ladies how many times have we heard this before) can have an impact on a relationship. As they stressed over and over again, men love a chase and don't like to talk on the phone so if they call you, don't answer every time even if you are available to talk. And when you do get on the phone, limit convos to 15 mins (okay I'm amending this to 20-25) tops because men do not equate length of conversation with like or love. It's a necessary evil to date/marry you but it's not anything that they want to willingly do.
After I finished the book on Saturday, I purposely began stretching the amount of time before responding to texts and not answering every call from my "friend" and the past two nights I was the first to suggest we get off the phone. Last night, he jokingly remarked that he noticed that "I've been rushing him off the phone lately and he doesn't like it." But for me, it was proof that LESS IS MORE when it comes to talking to men. He only remembers half of what we talk about so it would be better to have quality conversations instead of telling him something that I think is important and then getting angry when he doesn't remember on a later date.
Yes, I'm always skeptical of self-help books or at least afraid to actually purchase these kinds of self-help books in public, but the idea of finding out the "Top Lies Women Tell Themselves about Relationships" sounded too good to pass up and if it were good info, too good not to pass along to my single friends.
So I purchased the book "Marriable" and let's just say I was engrossed, possibly even obsessed with it until I finished it. The book contained a lot of truths that I honestly knew all along but let myself ignore because the rest of society was going along with the lies.
They addressed the nice guy/bad guy predicament so much better than other people have in the past. Overall the advice this married couple doled out as a result of their relationship mishaps was comforting but also encouraging to know that if you are making mistakes or have made them in the past then there is still hope to get it right and be the person you need and want to be for the person God has for you.
Of course it blew the door wide open on my latest life addition's theory on being friends before dating/marriage and I'm not sure I have the heart to share or completely side with them but again, some of the truths behind their advice are just too true to ignore. And I speak from experience.
On the other side, I can see where taking their advice on not being "so available" (c'mon ladies how many times have we heard this before) can have an impact on a relationship. As they stressed over and over again, men love a chase and don't like to talk on the phone so if they call you, don't answer every time even if you are available to talk. And when you do get on the phone, limit convos to 15 mins (okay I'm amending this to 20-25) tops because men do not equate length of conversation with like or love. It's a necessary evil to date/marry you but it's not anything that they want to willingly do.
After I finished the book on Saturday, I purposely began stretching the amount of time before responding to texts and not answering every call from my "friend" and the past two nights I was the first to suggest we get off the phone. Last night, he jokingly remarked that he noticed that "I've been rushing him off the phone lately and he doesn't like it." But for me, it was proof that LESS IS MORE when it comes to talking to men. He only remembers half of what we talk about so it would be better to have quality conversations instead of telling him something that I think is important and then getting angry when he doesn't remember on a later date.
Facebook:The Enemy of Relationships
I may have said it before but I'm going to say it again. Facebook (and its social equivalents: myspace, bebo, twitter, etc.) is one of the biggest enemies of relationships.
In essence it is the equivalent of that one "friend" you have who can't seem to keep their mouth closed around your significant other and lets hints slip about your past or not-so-squeaky clean present.
Facebook opens the door to all the crazies (if you befriend them) who have always wanted to be with you but maybe never had the guts to say it to your face. Instead they use facebook to send you virtual gifts (teddy bears, balloons, flowers, etc.) and post inappropriate messages on your wall. The problem is, it all becomes public information.
And for anyone in a relationship or trying to have a relationship, it can be very hard to convince someone else that you are not involved with someone who pays $1 everyday to send you a virtual gift.
Plus, I'm not even going to get into how someone with too much time on their hands can facebook stalk you, your exes, and anyone else related to you even with the profile privacy filters.
So, a word to the wise, if you want a meaningful relationship, watch who you befriend and what you do on Facebook.
In essence it is the equivalent of that one "friend" you have who can't seem to keep their mouth closed around your significant other and lets hints slip about your past or not-so-squeaky clean present.
Facebook opens the door to all the crazies (if you befriend them) who have always wanted to be with you but maybe never had the guts to say it to your face. Instead they use facebook to send you virtual gifts (teddy bears, balloons, flowers, etc.) and post inappropriate messages on your wall. The problem is, it all becomes public information.
And for anyone in a relationship or trying to have a relationship, it can be very hard to convince someone else that you are not involved with someone who pays $1 everyday to send you a virtual gift.
Plus, I'm not even going to get into how someone with too much time on their hands can facebook stalk you, your exes, and anyone else related to you even with the profile privacy filters.
So, a word to the wise, if you want a meaningful relationship, watch who you befriend and what you do on Facebook.
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