The Conversation

This week I finished author Hill Harper's book "The Conversation." Aside from enjoying how intelligent Harper is, I thoroughly enjoyed his discourse on why we have trouble with Black relationships. A lot of what he mentions in the book I had heard in some shape, form or fashion but seeing all the arguments together and how unrealistic some are when you think about the history of black relationships really made me think about changing my approach which I admit, I thought was already liberal. But more than anything, it made me realize how much I cared about a certain individual and how I wish that one day he and I could look back at what we are going through now and see it as just one of the hurdles we worked together to get through. In the mean time I did practice some of Hill's tips on how to give "a brother a chance" when dating just this weekend. The scenario: unassuming kid asks me out- he's new to town and caught me on a day where I didn't feel like letting anyone down. It reminded me of my best friend when he asked me to hang out- I told him we could only be friends, he said that was all he wanted and we've been friends since. So, since this guy reminded me of him, I figured I would be nice. We settle to meet at a local ice cream shop, I choose this place for the day we were originally supposed to meet because I honestly didn't want a) for him to have to pay more than 1.08 to hang out and b) for me to have to go out of my way for this meetup. He unwisely asks to move the date back to a time later that night which I decline and so we instead end up meeting on Sunday afternoon (during full price hours). Because we have more "time" that afternoon he originally suggests two different options for after the ice cream-I suggest we play it by ear. I read Harper's book before driving over so I decided to give him a chance. Here's where it goes wrong: 1. I get there before him... I'm a punctual person. Just because I carry books in my purse in case my companion is late doesn't mean I really want to use it. 2. He goes through what I think is a list of pre-determined questions. At times he doesn't allow me to finish my sentence because he's asking the next question. 3. He doesn't talk about himself...only his thoughts. Which got really deep for a first conversation if you ask me and there were times I found myself tuning out. 4. He rushed the ice cream talking portion to get to the next event which allowed me to escape when there was no parking. 5. He revealed his age without asking mine. This let me know he is way younger than I'd ever consider dating and thus able to rule him out. BUT since this sounds harsh here's what he did right: 1. He called to make plans 2. He had a plan when he called and didn't do the "I don't know what do you want to do..." 3. He showed up... the second time at least 4. He wasn't afraid to give his opinion. 5. He called after the date to follow up on hanging out again. And when he did it was an option that he thought I'd like because of the type of music I said I'd listen to. I think he's a nice enough guy, but there's no fun when you look or talk to a person and in the back of your mind all you can think is "I will eat you alive." I don't get my kicks from being mean or disappointing people. The easy way out of this would be to tell him I'm moving next week and get out of it, but Harper encourages us to have the difficult conversations so my "woman up" goal is to tell him. I'm sorry, I'm not interested. In no way in my head can I fathom starting something with someone nor do I even want to make the effort to do so. I'm happy with my couch, watching basketball alone. In the words of Kel Mitchell "Ah, here it goes..."