Yep, that was a reference for The Graduate. Last weekend was full of highs and lows given that my lowest part was being comforted by a friend as I cried because of the drama going on with The Graduate.
I'll try to spare everyone the details but I will say despite having a conversation just two hours earlier (if that long) about how much better he was doing and how he missed me as a friend, he threw that all away with a few drinks.
I finally confessed to our close friend who I had to get to help me what was going on with him and why we weren't together. He was shocked - I can still see the look on his face from when I shared all the dark truths and pain that I'd endured over the last year. He was so sweet and just comforting. I am so happy for his wife because I know sometimes we as women just need a man to listen and give us an uplifting word.
I'm sure if Pro had gone to the party he would have made me leave the situation and he would have never forgiven The Graduate for causing a scene. In my heart, I'm still so torn about the whole thing. It's amazing how when things seem so familiar and are easy to fall into, you can get a quick dose of reality that all isn't well and that it's best to keep your distance.
I didn't realize how much I'd compartmentalized all my feelings until that night and honestly, the tears have started to return. If I could have my friend back, I would be happy but I know that that honestly isn't possible. He's still sick and he can't be a friend or anything and I can't get sucked back in if it means taking care of him and not myself.
Friday
October, check. November, check, check.
Even though I said I wouldn't worry about the whole once a month dating, I somehow managed to achieve it. In fact, no sooner did I email my partner in crime to tell her I'd given up, then a good friend called to take me out when I was in Baltimore. Does it say something about me that I am only dating people who aren't living in the city I actually live in??
Any how. I managed to go on two dates last weekend while I was in town. i don't count my encounter with Pro on the plane e/t it did end with my confessing how I felt about him... but that was an earlier post.
Here's what I've realized. One of my suitors has morphed into a great guy. Our conversation on Friday was less about hanging out with famous people and doing extremely expensive things and more about what he's looking for in life. When we first reconnected, I'd told him that I was going through a soul-searching phase so he started our time together by asking me what I'd learned. What I learned that I don't think I ever knew was just how he started with nothing and that's why he can only think about business. He's an excellent business man and his success so far has given him the ability to live a lifestyle that is luxurious and still go after what he wants. I looked at some superficial things like that he has certainly put on pounds since we first met but then again so have I so i can't point fingers. All in all, I think he's looking for something substantive. Someone who likes him for him and not what he can do and that he feels is a quality mate. I like how he's always been willing to be there for me if I let him. I like that he can teach me things and that now he seems to respect my opinion and experiences. We bond over things that I haven't found a connection with with other men but I don't know how long those little things can be sustained.
And then there's Goliath. We met up Saturday night and we had a usual good time. He seemed genuinely excited to see me and really made himself available at a time that was convenient to me. He's said he is thinking of coming out to visit me here BUT he is thinking of doing so next year. The thing with him is that he is such a gentleman, I don't know that he has ever been "interested." It felt as if his hugs were more of the attracted than protective this time, they certainly lasted longer, but I can't be sure that I should read anything else into it.
Truth is, if I could have what I want. I want Pro. I feel there's a reason why all this other stuff didn't work. And this week I wondered if my times with them this weekend was a way to put the past behind me. Especially after my weekend in Baltimore. I went out with my favorite hometown cutie and yet, I was more so excited to see how much of a man he'd become. He's handsome and driven and has a good heart and that is what made him attractive. I thought about how Steve Harvey says you should ask a man his short-term and long-term plans and I didn't even have to ask him, since he volunteered the info. He said we should keep in touch but I haven't heard from him since last week. I've put him in the "give time, time" portion of my life. But more than anything, I'm so proud of the man he's become and still strives to be.
So, am I going to put all these dudes in the past? Or should I keep them around until December? I have a friend getting married in SD on Dec. 28. She's holding a plus one for me just in case Pro comes around. I can think of great scenario where he does come but I'm not going to put a damper on how that weekend can turn out -especially since I have an amazing hotel booked for that night!!
Any how. I managed to go on two dates last weekend while I was in town. i don't count my encounter with Pro on the plane e/t it did end with my confessing how I felt about him... but that was an earlier post.
Here's what I've realized. One of my suitors has morphed into a great guy. Our conversation on Friday was less about hanging out with famous people and doing extremely expensive things and more about what he's looking for in life. When we first reconnected, I'd told him that I was going through a soul-searching phase so he started our time together by asking me what I'd learned. What I learned that I don't think I ever knew was just how he started with nothing and that's why he can only think about business. He's an excellent business man and his success so far has given him the ability to live a lifestyle that is luxurious and still go after what he wants. I looked at some superficial things like that he has certainly put on pounds since we first met but then again so have I so i can't point fingers. All in all, I think he's looking for something substantive. Someone who likes him for him and not what he can do and that he feels is a quality mate. I like how he's always been willing to be there for me if I let him. I like that he can teach me things and that now he seems to respect my opinion and experiences. We bond over things that I haven't found a connection with with other men but I don't know how long those little things can be sustained.
And then there's Goliath. We met up Saturday night and we had a usual good time. He seemed genuinely excited to see me and really made himself available at a time that was convenient to me. He's said he is thinking of coming out to visit me here BUT he is thinking of doing so next year. The thing with him is that he is such a gentleman, I don't know that he has ever been "interested." It felt as if his hugs were more of the attracted than protective this time, they certainly lasted longer, but I can't be sure that I should read anything else into it.
Truth is, if I could have what I want. I want Pro. I feel there's a reason why all this other stuff didn't work. And this week I wondered if my times with them this weekend was a way to put the past behind me. Especially after my weekend in Baltimore. I went out with my favorite hometown cutie and yet, I was more so excited to see how much of a man he'd become. He's handsome and driven and has a good heart and that is what made him attractive. I thought about how Steve Harvey says you should ask a man his short-term and long-term plans and I didn't even have to ask him, since he volunteered the info. He said we should keep in touch but I haven't heard from him since last week. I've put him in the "give time, time" portion of my life. But more than anything, I'm so proud of the man he's become and still strives to be.
So, am I going to put all these dudes in the past? Or should I keep them around until December? I have a friend getting married in SD on Dec. 28. She's holding a plus one for me just in case Pro comes around. I can think of great scenario where he does come but I'm not going to put a damper on how that weekend can turn out -especially since I have an amazing hotel booked for that night!!
You never know a good thing...
until you have it actually. It doesn't have to be gone. Sometimes you can enjoy the moment. That's how I feel about Pro. When he came to visit in September, I LOVED how it felt to come home and have him waiting there and have him all to myself. And to just have someone who gets me and that I can be myself with and him me and that we didn't want to rush anything.
How much did I enjoy it? Well, I snapped this picture of our shoes next to each other at the front door. I was like, I could get used to seeing another pair of shoes around this place.
And even though he had to leave, he did leave me with these:
and I tried to keep them alive as long as possible. But even though the flowers died and his shoes are gone. Truth is Pro is still with me in my heart. I just wish I had him more often in the physical. I had the chance to see him last week and I built up all my confidence and told him (in a letter) how I felt. I'm still waiting to hear how he feels. I want and hope for the best. So far he's said nothing but how attracted he is to me but that does not a relationship make. C'mon Pro. I'm rooting for you in so many ways...
How much did I enjoy it? Well, I snapped this picture of our shoes next to each other at the front door. I was like, I could get used to seeing another pair of shoes around this place.
And even though he had to leave, he did leave me with these:
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