Roster

Surprisingly, I feel as though I have a roster of options to keep my dating attention span occupied.  I am happy to say that I do have one friend whom I wouldn't dare venture to put into any kind of spot, and I enjoy that because he is able to look out for me and we can have fun without any premeditated behavior between us.

It seems I've still left a few people behind in Houston. One of which is so full of it I can't even begin to give him more than an eye roll when I get texts from him. But there are others who are sweet, caring and seem geniune, but don't make the effort to pursue more.

And then there's pro. Who infuriates me at times and makes me question what kind of person he is at the end of the day.  At times I find myself saying "c'mon don't be THAT guy" which is how I know that things wouldn't always be rosy.  But given what I've learned about him in so little time and the amount of time we've spent together, I do hope I'll get to see him next month. I'm actually dreading the event I have to attend if I don't get to see him because that means I have to face my ex alone...

But I don't think that's a good enough reason to want to see someone plus I don't know that I want to put him in an awkward position. I just know if it came down to it however, he would protect me and I'd come off as the person who moved on and did better.

I guess that's the thing about exes- no matter how much you may want them to do well, you don't want them to move on before you do. I flaunted The Graduate in front of Piracy last year and now look where I am... I'm not going to our reunion this weekend so even if he does have a gf to flaunt, I don't have the pleasure of seeing it.  I'll try not to fret over this for the next two weeks. After all, I've found usually everything I think about lately never really comes to fruition.

And in the meantime, I'll keep everyone on the bench and take myself to the comedy show tomorrow. Self-date night!!

Wedding Planner in Reverse

One of my favorite lines from the movie The Wedding Planner was when JLo says she's a magnet for emotionally unavailable men. For a while, I used to feel that way, and honestly I still do, but the other night I had a light bulb moment as I reflected on something a wise man once told me (and that I've written about before): "You attract what you are attractive to."

And thus, since I feel like I'm emotionally unavailable, I think that's why I've recently found people in my path who are also emotionally unavailable. I can think of a few reasons why I'm emotionally unavailable.  The primary being that I am only in LA for a year, that I have been attracted to only one person who has a very similar situation to the graduate, and that I really just value my private time and want to work internationally before settling down.

I think those are good reasons to stay away from people who could derail my plans and thus if any one tries to get too close, I start to create as much distance as possible.

I wonder will it ever change. Perhaps I'm hard wired to long for companionship only because I'm not strong enough to put in the effort needed to sustain a relationship.  Part of me knows that's not true because of what I went through last year, but the other part knows that relationship is the main source of my hesitancy.

Insecurities, check

Have you ever been out with a guy and you had no clue why they were interested in you? And as a result that makes all your insecurities kick in. And sometimes even if you aren't completely interested, you find yourself waiting it out just to see what will happen because they show so much interest?

Well, that's how I feel about a certain guy from my past. I realized that when we last connected I was so internally screwed up from the graduate that I didn't appreciate all he was willing to do for me.  And so I let time pass by without a returned phone call and so did he. But, upon realizing this I decided a few weeks ago to send him an e-mail to apologize for taking him for granted.

Little did I know that he'd respond so favorably. I was shocked that he exchanged pleasantries and seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being. So imagine how after a few weeks of exchanged e-mails today he decided to take a chance and give me a call.

All I can think about his how my male friend who once saw the two of us together (when I was with the graduate) immediately picked up on how into me he was. It was something I didn't realize until he said something.

I have no idea what could come of our renewed communication given that he is in Houston now and I'm in LA, but, I do find myself hoping that since he knows I'll be home in two weeks, I will get an invite to hang out or go for another chopstick lesson.