The other day the graduate was having a bad day and I had to leave him a message. Before hanging up I said "Ok, love you bye."
And then what I said hit me. My realization was immediately followed by panic. While I'd like to blame it on the fact that I was distracted by his situation as well as the fact that I was leaving church and thinking about my sister all at the same time, I know some psychologist would call it a freudian slip. Meaning, that what I really feel is what I said.
While I do know that I have love for him, I'm not 100% sure that I love him and I certainly wouldn't want to be the one to say it first.
Granted, I'm technically not because one night he called me after he'd been drinking with his buddies and he revealed that he loved me. However, because he has yet to repeat this while sober, I don't think it counts even though I know alcohol acts as a truth serum for him.
On the day of my slip of the tongue, I immediately sent him a text stating what I said in my voice mail and when he responded, I told him that he could erase the voicemail.
It's been a week and he hasn't said anything nor has he acted differently so I'm hoping he was a good boy and followed my directions.
When the time is right, if the time is ever right, we will both hear those words again when we're both ready for the other one to hear them.
Tuesday
Attraction
Attraction means everything in a relationship. I don't know how people don't believe that but I know for sure it's important to me.
I found that attraction is in full bloom these days. Between me and you-know-who that is.
When I see him, my heart actually does a little leap and I start grinning like crazy. If I don't grin, he knows something's bothering me and he does what he can to get the smile back on my face.
And it's the same way for him.
The other day we were among friends and I stepped away to talk to someone else. I looked over at him at the same moment I caught him giving me the once over and when our eyes met, we held an intense gaze for a few seconds without anyone else noticing (or even mattering at that point).
And that's not the only time that's happened. His eyes give everything away: tired, sleepy, anxious, and of course, intrigued.
Staring is common in our relationship. It was a stare that made us realize the possibility of us getting together was no longer a game of will. As he puts it "man, I'm afraid for the next time I see that look..."
The morning I took him to the airport, I could almost feel what he felt about me through the look on his face when he approached me to say good morning. And I hope when he sees me smile, or furrow my brown when he tells me about what's bothering him, he knows that I'm most attracted to him and no one else.
I found that attraction is in full bloom these days. Between me and you-know-who that is.
When I see him, my heart actually does a little leap and I start grinning like crazy. If I don't grin, he knows something's bothering me and he does what he can to get the smile back on my face.
And it's the same way for him.
The other day we were among friends and I stepped away to talk to someone else. I looked over at him at the same moment I caught him giving me the once over and when our eyes met, we held an intense gaze for a few seconds without anyone else noticing (or even mattering at that point).
And that's not the only time that's happened. His eyes give everything away: tired, sleepy, anxious, and of course, intrigued.
Staring is common in our relationship. It was a stare that made us realize the possibility of us getting together was no longer a game of will. As he puts it "man, I'm afraid for the next time I see that look..."
The morning I took him to the airport, I could almost feel what he felt about me through the look on his face when he approached me to say good morning. And I hope when he sees me smile, or furrow my brown when he tells me about what's bothering him, he knows that I'm most attracted to him and no one else.
Guidance
One of the most influential things that I heard during the sermon I attended with the graduate was the minister's take on what makes a good relationship.
Along with several scriptures to support him, he told us that one of the most important things you must do is compliment your mate. He said that people who spend time away from home usually decided to go to places where they feel appreciated and get compliments.
I don't what sweetie going anywhere and I make it a point to tell him how great I think he is or when he looks especially handsome (which is often).
I get a kick out of this not only because I like having someone that I look at and thinking "yep, that's my boyfriend!!" but also because he also blushes whenever he gets too embarrassed.
It's one of the best pleasures of my day to make him blush and his cheeks crinkle as he tries to suppress his emotions.
This exchange is something we've come to expect. Although I can't blush, he does make me come close with the compliments he pays me. I especially like the days where he's speechless, but I catch him looking at me and shaking his head. Whenever I ask him what's up, he just says, "nothing, you're just, (more head shaking), you, you're awesome."
Be still my heart.
Along with several scriptures to support him, he told us that one of the most important things you must do is compliment your mate. He said that people who spend time away from home usually decided to go to places where they feel appreciated and get compliments.
I don't what sweetie going anywhere and I make it a point to tell him how great I think he is or when he looks especially handsome (which is often).
I get a kick out of this not only because I like having someone that I look at and thinking "yep, that's my boyfriend!!" but also because he also blushes whenever he gets too embarrassed.
It's one of the best pleasures of my day to make him blush and his cheeks crinkle as he tries to suppress his emotions.
This exchange is something we've come to expect. Although I can't blush, he does make me come close with the compliments he pays me. I especially like the days where he's speechless, but I catch him looking at me and shaking his head. Whenever I ask him what's up, he just says, "nothing, you're just, (more head shaking), you, you're awesome."
Be still my heart.
Signs
I don't believe in "signs" but I do believe that I can get divine guidance in multiple forms. It's not a surprise that I've gotten a lot of it recently since I've started dating the graduate.
As we started to move out of our "honeymoon" period, I began to have doubts about the validity of the relationship. Did I rush in? Is it going to work? Are we too compatible? I was becoming the enemy of our relationship.
But a great thing happened one Sunday morning. While driving to church the minister on the radio was talking about relationships. Throughout the sermon he gave sound advice on how to deal with men in relationships. I was grateful. I learned even more for the next few weeks that he continued on the relationship topic.
As it turns out at the same time I was being fed sound advice, so was my guy. I was fortunate to hear the last sermon his pastor preached on the subject when I visited that Sunday (more to come on that).
What his minister shared made a lot of sense, and I've tried to implement a lot of what he told us into our relationship.
Because I pray for the graduate every day and that God guides the two of us to the right place for each of us, I know everything will be okay.
This last Sunday, I woke up earlier than expected and I decided to turn on the radio minister. When my mind started to drift from the topic at hand on a concern I had about the two of us, my ears perked up as the minister addressed that very same topic. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Shocked, but grateful.
I know whatever issue I have, I must pray and have a willing heart and an open ear to hear the answer.
As we started to move out of our "honeymoon" period, I began to have doubts about the validity of the relationship. Did I rush in? Is it going to work? Are we too compatible? I was becoming the enemy of our relationship.
But a great thing happened one Sunday morning. While driving to church the minister on the radio was talking about relationships. Throughout the sermon he gave sound advice on how to deal with men in relationships. I was grateful. I learned even more for the next few weeks that he continued on the relationship topic.
As it turns out at the same time I was being fed sound advice, so was my guy. I was fortunate to hear the last sermon his pastor preached on the subject when I visited that Sunday (more to come on that).
What his minister shared made a lot of sense, and I've tried to implement a lot of what he told us into our relationship.
Because I pray for the graduate every day and that God guides the two of us to the right place for each of us, I know everything will be okay.
This last Sunday, I woke up earlier than expected and I decided to turn on the radio minister. When my mind started to drift from the topic at hand on a concern I had about the two of us, my ears perked up as the minister addressed that very same topic. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Shocked, but grateful.
I know whatever issue I have, I must pray and have a willing heart and an open ear to hear the answer.
Passing the tests
I'll admit it, I'm putting the graduate through some tests and he's surprisingly passing. I think it's sad that it's a surprise to me that he follows through on his promises or does things that I thought were simple for other guys to accomplish but never did.
For instance there's the church thing. We both go to church and I know I can only be with someone that I can go to church with. Surely, if marriage were ever involved there would be a huge discussion over where we'd end up, but I have to first see where the person I'm considering attends church and if I agree with the principles being taught.
Well, as life would have it one Saturday I was missing him really badly because we played telephone tag all week and I went out on a limb and asked him if I could join him at church tomorrow. He said yes, and asked which service I preferred. Of course, seeing is believing so I waited until the next morning to see if things would still come to pass.
I inevitably got lost on my way to the church and had to call for help and he didn't answer. I'm not going to lie-my brain started working up all kinds of thoughts that I tried to block. BUT within the next few minutes he called back, gave me detailed directions and was standing there in the parking lot when I got there.
He continued to tell me repeatedly how happy he was that I came and I was happy to be there.
To borrow from Hope Floats, "My cup runneth over."
In addition to the church test, he's passed multiple other tests including being chivalrous, passing messages along to other people for me, calling to check on me when I'm sick, offering to bring me things when I'm sick, taking time out of our busy schedule because he knows I'm fed up with not seeing him, and actually saying "XO" to me whenever we can't engage in those acts.
One of my favorite moments was a night when he remarked he couldn't wait to see me again. I challenged him by asking what was stopping him from seeing me that night. He said nothing and within an hour we were together enjoying each other's company. It was probably one of the best times I've had with him thus far.
There's one other test that he's passed that means the most to me but I can't tell you all the details of he and I, so that will remain between us. But let's just say this is the one thing that keeps him above the rest.
For instance there's the church thing. We both go to church and I know I can only be with someone that I can go to church with. Surely, if marriage were ever involved there would be a huge discussion over where we'd end up, but I have to first see where the person I'm considering attends church and if I agree with the principles being taught.
Well, as life would have it one Saturday I was missing him really badly because we played telephone tag all week and I went out on a limb and asked him if I could join him at church tomorrow. He said yes, and asked which service I preferred. Of course, seeing is believing so I waited until the next morning to see if things would still come to pass.
I inevitably got lost on my way to the church and had to call for help and he didn't answer. I'm not going to lie-my brain started working up all kinds of thoughts that I tried to block. BUT within the next few minutes he called back, gave me detailed directions and was standing there in the parking lot when I got there.
He continued to tell me repeatedly how happy he was that I came and I was happy to be there.
To borrow from Hope Floats, "My cup runneth over."
In addition to the church test, he's passed multiple other tests including being chivalrous, passing messages along to other people for me, calling to check on me when I'm sick, offering to bring me things when I'm sick, taking time out of our busy schedule because he knows I'm fed up with not seeing him, and actually saying "XO" to me whenever we can't engage in those acts.
One of my favorite moments was a night when he remarked he couldn't wait to see me again. I challenged him by asking what was stopping him from seeing me that night. He said nothing and within an hour we were together enjoying each other's company. It was probably one of the best times I've had with him thus far.
There's one other test that he's passed that means the most to me but I can't tell you all the details of he and I, so that will remain between us. But let's just say this is the one thing that keeps him above the rest.
Informing the rents
I can honestly say I nearly fell out of my chair the day the graduate informed me that he "told my mom how I felt about you." Really, that's exactly what he wrote in his text after spending a weekend away.*
I of course had to ask if she approved of his feelings and he told me yes.
I think what surprised me most was he told his mom how he felt before I'd even told my parents we were dating. Given my history I waited a few weeks before telling them what they'd already suspected and they too seemed okay with the choice.
It's always weird when you get family involved and given the already complex nature of our relationship, I think I wanted to avoid bringing others into until I was really for sure it was the way I wanted to go. But I am happy with my choice and I do all I can to block out anything that would cause me to rethink the relationship.
*Editor's note: As to what went down on that trip I'm still not exactly sure because he's not the same man I dropped off at the airport at 5 am. Yes, I am/was that into him that I drug myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to drive him. Get over it.
I of course had to ask if she approved of his feelings and he told me yes.
I think what surprised me most was he told his mom how he felt before I'd even told my parents we were dating. Given my history I waited a few weeks before telling them what they'd already suspected and they too seemed okay with the choice.
It's always weird when you get family involved and given the already complex nature of our relationship, I think I wanted to avoid bringing others into until I was really for sure it was the way I wanted to go. But I am happy with my choice and I do all I can to block out anything that would cause me to rethink the relationship.
*Editor's note: As to what went down on that trip I'm still not exactly sure because he's not the same man I dropped off at the airport at 5 am. Yes, I am/was that into him that I drug myself out of bed on a Saturday morning to drive him. Get over it.
Time for a name
In the grand tradition of this blog, it's about time that my guy gets his very own name. Sweets, sweetie, sweetheart will no longer work. From now on I will now refer to him as (drumroll please):
THE GRADUATE!
Stay tuned.
THE GRADUATE!
Stay tuned.
While being patient
I am growing antsy.
But I've never been a cheater so I refuse to do anything that would hinder our relationship. Which is why I can't bring myself to hang out with anyone I considered talking to before I met him.
I actually have free time to spend with the people I've naturally been blowing off during the semester are aware that I'm finished and expecting to hang out.
Again, I truly care about him and I haven't come across anyone who makes me want to second guess my choice. That said, my itching to get out and about causes me to wonder if he is doing the same. Has he kept the two women he was considering dating on a string this entire time?
I hate to ask for fear of seeming insecure but I guess it's almost time to have the talk... #ihatethetalk
But I've never been a cheater so I refuse to do anything that would hinder our relationship. Which is why I can't bring myself to hang out with anyone I considered talking to before I met him.
I actually have free time to spend with the people I've naturally been blowing off during the semester are aware that I'm finished and expecting to hang out.
Again, I truly care about him and I haven't come across anyone who makes me want to second guess my choice. That said, my itching to get out and about causes me to wonder if he is doing the same. Has he kept the two women he was considering dating on a string this entire time?
I hate to ask for fear of seeming insecure but I guess it's almost time to have the talk... #ihatethetalk
Carrying the weight
Finals are over and pending three more grades I've successfully passed my first semester of school. With school out of the way, there are only a few more weeks (I pray) that I have to carry the weight of our relationship.
The pressure of life has gotten to sweets recently and I've been the source of encouragement, reason, etc for the last few weeks. I know it's a necessary evil of every relationship but selfishly I'm tired of it because the beginning of the relationship was all about me.
And although we didn't say "til death do us part" we did make a promise to each other to make sure that we did only what was best for the other so that we both make it through b-school.
He's been more than patient with me on some of my issues and I am so grateful. Through the stress I see glimpses of the man I fell for and I know he's out there somewhere, I just need to be patient.
The pressure of life has gotten to sweets recently and I've been the source of encouragement, reason, etc for the last few weeks. I know it's a necessary evil of every relationship but selfishly I'm tired of it because the beginning of the relationship was all about me.
And although we didn't say "til death do us part" we did make a promise to each other to make sure that we did only what was best for the other so that we both make it through b-school.
He's been more than patient with me on some of my issues and I am so grateful. Through the stress I see glimpses of the man I fell for and I know he's out there somewhere, I just need to be patient.
And on second thought
I really have to wonder how long the ex has been with this girlfriend. For her sake, I hope not as long as he's been flirting with me. My gosh, I don't miss that infidelity and I feel sorry for her if she doesn't know what she's getting into. If he ever tries to throw her in my face, I have the perfect line 'Oh, tell me she's Nigerian so you don't have to string her along for eight years."
Did that sound bitter? Because I so meant it to be. :-)
Did that sound bitter? Because I so meant it to be. :-)
Pardon me while I interrupt your happiness
That's what I feel my ex should have said on Monday when he and I exchanged text messages about an upcoming event in Dallas. In the past, we've made it a point not to talk to each other about other people we are dating so I haven't said a word to him about how my recent romantic addition over the last few months.
Some people may see this as an excuse to leave the door open but now that I've really and truly seen the light of what an adult relationship should be, I know without a doubt I'd never go back.
Therefore when the ex decided to tell me that he and his girlfriend would be going to Dallas, I knew for sure I wasn't going to go. I could just imagine how he wanted me to squirm as I saw them together.
Little does he know I've been with my sweetheart for almost three months, including since the last time we saw each other when he tried to flirt with me and I ignored him. I remember thinking how lame he was that he tried his old trick of attempting to make me feel bad that I blew him off. Despite it being three in the morning, my brain was still very much alert and I continued to let him know he had no chance.
And two to three weeks later when he sent me a flirtatious text, I again let him know there was nothing there on my end (and then had a great lunch hour with my man).
I struggled with whether I should tear the smirk off his face by letting him know that I was involved with someone given that it could come across as a "me too" remark, but given that I'm extremely happy, I confessed the real reason I wasn't going to Dallas was to find some free time to be with sweetie and the fam.
A few hours later he informed me he wasn't going at all. Pity. Not to be petty but I think I won. And if he took the time to talk to any of my friends who we hung out with in October, he would know that my special mate has been around for a long time (at least for me anyway...).
Some people may see this as an excuse to leave the door open but now that I've really and truly seen the light of what an adult relationship should be, I know without a doubt I'd never go back.
Therefore when the ex decided to tell me that he and his girlfriend would be going to Dallas, I knew for sure I wasn't going to go. I could just imagine how he wanted me to squirm as I saw them together.
Little does he know I've been with my sweetheart for almost three months, including since the last time we saw each other when he tried to flirt with me and I ignored him. I remember thinking how lame he was that he tried his old trick of attempting to make me feel bad that I blew him off. Despite it being three in the morning, my brain was still very much alert and I continued to let him know he had no chance.
And two to three weeks later when he sent me a flirtatious text, I again let him know there was nothing there on my end (and then had a great lunch hour with my man).
I struggled with whether I should tear the smirk off his face by letting him know that I was involved with someone given that it could come across as a "me too" remark, but given that I'm extremely happy, I confessed the real reason I wasn't going to Dallas was to find some free time to be with sweetie and the fam.
A few hours later he informed me he wasn't going at all. Pity. Not to be petty but I think I won. And if he took the time to talk to any of my friends who we hung out with in October, he would know that my special mate has been around for a long time (at least for me anyway...).
Wednesday
Going, going, going...
I know, you thought I was going to say gone. But nope, he's still here.
Thank God.
That's what I do every day actually. Thank God for him and ask Him to protect him and guide him.
He's facing a big transition within the next seven months, which is why he's amazed he decided to start anything with me.
And that's fine because I'm actually in the same boat only my window of life fluctuation doesn't open until 2012.
This has been the best relationship to keep me focused on God. Never have I prayed to God so much for another person with whom I'm in the relationship. And not for God to change his mind about how he felt about me but mostly to let us let God use both of us to witness and be the best people possible.
Thank God.
That's what I do every day actually. Thank God for him and ask Him to protect him and guide him.
He's facing a big transition within the next seven months, which is why he's amazed he decided to start anything with me.
And that's fine because I'm actually in the same boat only my window of life fluctuation doesn't open until 2012.
This has been the best relationship to keep me focused on God. Never have I prayed to God so much for another person with whom I'm in the relationship. And not for God to change his mind about how he felt about me but mostly to let us let God use both of us to witness and be the best people possible.
People said it would happen that way...
Sure enough I was just minding my own business at grad school when a guy who I didn't know was looking, found me.
And I'm so glad he did.
How could I not when he earnestly and often says things such as, "The thing that makes me happy is to see you happy. I just want you to be happy."
My days had purpose before but knowing he's in the trenches with me and can pull me up when I'm starting to fall has been excellent. I try not to be too much of a gloomy gus but he can always tell just when I'm at my point of frustration. Mostly, because that's when I don't even have the spirit to say ANYTHING negative.
We're both happy, although I hope we strive for joy since happiness is temporary. We shall see how this goes.
And I'm so glad he did.
How could I not when he earnestly and often says things such as, "The thing that makes me happy is to see you happy. I just want you to be happy."
My days had purpose before but knowing he's in the trenches with me and can pull me up when I'm starting to fall has been excellent. I try not to be too much of a gloomy gus but he can always tell just when I'm at my point of frustration. Mostly, because that's when I don't even have the spirit to say ANYTHING negative.
We're both happy, although I hope we strive for joy since happiness is temporary. We shall see how this goes.
Updates soon
Life has been busy. Lots of changes especially in the romance department. As soon as I get through my b-school finals that are my living nightmare right now, I will share the news about my dream guy.
Corny, yes. But some days it's just like that!
Corny, yes. But some days it's just like that!
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