A few months ago when I got back together with my ex-boyfriend I made a list of the things that bothered me about our relationship. At lunch I was telling my guy friend that I've found my list of things I wanted in a man in my new friend Valentine. Because of his closeness to the ex, I made sure to let him know Valentine and I are just friends so it was just reassuring to me that there was a man out there who fit what I was looking for so there was hope I could find that man for myself.
I didn't tell him that secretly I hope and believe Valentine is that man, but I came across this list and had to share it. It's been weighing on me since my Bible Study last week was about Godly relationships and essentially that's what I've been wanting/wanted with my ex. Here it is:
1. No more canceled dates - with the exception of oversleeping the gym, Valentine has fulfilled all plans-including the difficult ones.
2. Advance notice on dates- He's a planner for sure and there's usually at the least one day in advance notice of planning even if we aren't sure exactly what we are going to do.
3. Phone calls in b/t days we don't see each other-not just texts - I haven't had to worry about this since day one. Mostly, it's texts throughout the day until he can actually have a phone conversation. I love hearing his ring tone!
4. Going to church together- We've both attended events at each other's church and now we just have to get to an actual service.
5. Praying together- We pray before meals and we pray for each other and each other's friends and loved ones. I always say the friends that pray together, stay together.
6. Honest dialogue in person/over the phone even on tough subjects- With the exception of him admitting (whether he realized it or not) that he has told me at least one untruth he is very honest and open about everything. I have learned to read his body language and how he can be evasive when he has plans that don't involve me but I'm very content with my life and I try to not stress out when he hangs out with other women whom he calls friends. Especially when he calls me immediately after he finishes hanging out with them to tell me about their activities. Including if they come on to him.
7. Acknowledgment of special days w/gifts or card- His name is Valentine-need I say more? Oh and the fact that my b-day is programmed in his phone so he won't forget it.
I need to know things have changed or that they can. I don't like having to beg for information he should just supply. I don't want to feel I come second to everyone else in his life. I need his trust that I can be understanding even when the news may be disappointing. Its only when he acts like a coward that I get angry... I don't want him to mistake my being with him for not having options-I need him to be the man who he wants to be. And if he can't, I need to leave. - Whenever I'm with Valentine I feel safe and protected and that I'm the only thing that matters. I have his undivided attention and I like giving him mine. We complement each other very well in personality and I like knowing that if his family had an activity, he would bring me along no problem or explain the conflict as soon as he could so that I could change my plans accordingly.
So there you have it. That's my list of notes I scribbled on my blackberry a few months ago. God answers prayers, sometimes you just have to wait on Him to do so.
Sunday
Meet the Parents
The next few weeks or months will be extremely interesting with regards to Valentine.
To date, far he's met my entire immediate family while I have not met his mom or dad. The other night he mentioned wanting to take a visit to see his dad who lives about 20 minutes away and I told him I'd like that. I'd also like to meet his mom because from what he's shared, she seems like a really fun person.
Of course, on my side this means that he will have to meet my godparents. And while some people may think he's in the clear because he's met my parents already, I have to admit my godparents, my godfather in particular, are MUCH more tougher. If you don't believe me, ask my high school boyfriend.
The fact that we are planning whom we'd like the other to meet that means the most is a good sign that each of us sees that person connecting with these people or being a good judge of character. Which makes me think about how I must behave correctly at all times because my world is getting smaller and smaller as the days go by.
On Thursday, I had to pick him up from the barber shop and he asked me to come in just so his barber could see me. I pray despite all my anxiety for getting to the church on time I put in a good impression and didn't appear rude. I noticed that is something I need to work on and I want to do nothing but be a better person when he's around. I know I'm human but there's always room for improvement but my impatience is the one area that I can definitely tame in the days to come.
I'd hate to have had a bad encounter with anyone he introduces me to and then have to justify my bad behavior. So, my new mantra is: relax, relate, release...
But the most important thing is to go with the flow and let him plan when these meetings happen. I WILL not rush into anything but I'm also anxious to meet his parents. In two weeks I'm scheduled to attend church with him. I think I'll start planning my outfit now.
To date, far he's met my entire immediate family while I have not met his mom or dad. The other night he mentioned wanting to take a visit to see his dad who lives about 20 minutes away and I told him I'd like that. I'd also like to meet his mom because from what he's shared, she seems like a really fun person.
Of course, on my side this means that he will have to meet my godparents. And while some people may think he's in the clear because he's met my parents already, I have to admit my godparents, my godfather in particular, are MUCH more tougher. If you don't believe me, ask my high school boyfriend.
The fact that we are planning whom we'd like the other to meet that means the most is a good sign that each of us sees that person connecting with these people or being a good judge of character. Which makes me think about how I must behave correctly at all times because my world is getting smaller and smaller as the days go by.
On Thursday, I had to pick him up from the barber shop and he asked me to come in just so his barber could see me. I pray despite all my anxiety for getting to the church on time I put in a good impression and didn't appear rude. I noticed that is something I need to work on and I want to do nothing but be a better person when he's around. I know I'm human but there's always room for improvement but my impatience is the one area that I can definitely tame in the days to come.
I'd hate to have had a bad encounter with anyone he introduces me to and then have to justify my bad behavior. So, my new mantra is: relax, relate, release...
But the most important thing is to go with the flow and let him plan when these meetings happen. I WILL not rush into anything but I'm also anxious to meet his parents. In two weeks I'm scheduled to attend church with him. I think I'll start planning my outfit now.
Feb. 26
Again, Valentine is a man of his word. During the last week of my training schedule my training told me I could have cashews. Immediately following my workout I drove to Walgreens with Valentine and he bought my cashews for me --which happened to be on sale.
I told him how much I loved cashews and that I'd been missing them and that was the end of our conversation.
The next day he told me he would buy me more cashews on February 26. When I asked what was the significance was of that day he said he wasn't sure but that was the day he would buy them.
I actually remembered this on Thursday, but during another trip to Walgreens together, I purchased some more when we picked up his orange juice and Claritin.
So I was pleasantly surprised on Friday, Feb. 26 when I got a text saying, I bought your cashews. Not only did he remember but he did it on the exact day he said he would.
I've yet to see or receive said cashews but yesterday I got a call with a stern warning not to buy any cashews because he had them for me. I'm almost finished with my can from Thursday (I promise to slow down soon) so I hope I get them soon!
His gesture reminds me of the relationship tip William Forrester gives Jamal Wallace in the movie Finding Forrester "An unexpected gift at an unexpected time." While he forecasted the cashews, and to some extent the t-shirt and other V-day gift he gave me, they are still unexpected and appreciated.
I told him how much I loved cashews and that I'd been missing them and that was the end of our conversation.
The next day he told me he would buy me more cashews on February 26. When I asked what was the significance was of that day he said he wasn't sure but that was the day he would buy them.
I actually remembered this on Thursday, but during another trip to Walgreens together, I purchased some more when we picked up his orange juice and Claritin.
So I was pleasantly surprised on Friday, Feb. 26 when I got a text saying, I bought your cashews. Not only did he remember but he did it on the exact day he said he would.
I've yet to see or receive said cashews but yesterday I got a call with a stern warning not to buy any cashews because he had them for me. I'm almost finished with my can from Thursday (I promise to slow down soon) so I hope I get them soon!
His gesture reminds me of the relationship tip William Forrester gives Jamal Wallace in the movie Finding Forrester "An unexpected gift at an unexpected time." While he forecasted the cashews, and to some extent the t-shirt and other V-day gift he gave me, they are still unexpected and appreciated.
Above and Beyond
Something happened this week between me and Valentine that has placed him closer to the top of my best male friend list. If he were my boyfriend, there's no doubt he'd be at the top, but he's not so he's still being judged by the other friends.
Last Saturday I received the news that my youth matron from church had passed. This woman meant so much to me because of all the things she taught me not only about Christ but also about life. In her final weeks I would visit her at the hospital or home and I mentioned this to Valentine. He was impressed with her impact on my life and even bought her a card telling her this. When I shared the news that she died and told him when the services were scheduled he told me he had the day off and he wanted to come with me.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Honestly, I was cynical because I've had other guys promise things before realizing the weight of the promise, so I didn't tell many people. I kept it to myself and even gave him more than one chance to renege on his promise. He didn't. In fact, he kept saying he was going to spend his entire day with me.
So on Thursday morning he accompanied me to the memorial service. I introduced him to some but not all of my favorite people including my pastor's wife. She of course, made a comment about him being my "man" but I tried to make sure she knew we were friends. Apparently, no one else is buying that excuse but us.
I planned to take him to one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants after but it was closed so instead we went to lunch with my entire family at Cracker Barrel- a first for him.
He'd mentioned that his little brother had a track meet so I offered for us to attend it but instead he wanted to rest before hitting the gym. As we all know, I never resist a nap so I slept on the couch after convincing him that he should sleep in his bed and that I'd be fine.
An hour later he was determined to hit the gym although I tried to make him stay since he'd developed a cough and was sneezing. My vote apparently didn't count. Once we arrived he kept looking for my parents because he and my dad had discussed coming around 6 pm and he wanted to keep his word. What we didn't know was that my father on the other hand had fallen asleep and would not make it that night.
As we left his place to venture to the gym, I got in my car and he in his so I knew we'd part ways after the gym. Boy, was I wrong. As we walked in the parking lot he asked what we were eating for dinner and suggested his favorite Chinese place. We got there pretty close to closing so we were able to order the house special rice.
After we were both clean and refreshed from our separate showers, I sat on the couch while he prepared our plates. We prayed, ate and then spent the next few hours reading the book "Revelations from Heaven" aloud to each other and discussing the book as well as the eulogy from the memorial.
Before I knew it, it was 1 am and time for me to go home. I couldn't believe I'd spent more than 12 hours with him and could have gone on for hours. I know some people that I've hung out with that I could only stand for about 2 hours.
I was sure to tell him how blessed I felt to have him in my life as a friend and to thank him for helping me through the day. It could have been much harder on me if he weren't there to get me through and I am so grateful for his actions.
To me, he went above and beyond the call of friendship and I will never forget what that meant to me.
Last Saturday I received the news that my youth matron from church had passed. This woman meant so much to me because of all the things she taught me not only about Christ but also about life. In her final weeks I would visit her at the hospital or home and I mentioned this to Valentine. He was impressed with her impact on my life and even bought her a card telling her this. When I shared the news that she died and told him when the services were scheduled he told me he had the day off and he wanted to come with me.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Honestly, I was cynical because I've had other guys promise things before realizing the weight of the promise, so I didn't tell many people. I kept it to myself and even gave him more than one chance to renege on his promise. He didn't. In fact, he kept saying he was going to spend his entire day with me.
So on Thursday morning he accompanied me to the memorial service. I introduced him to some but not all of my favorite people including my pastor's wife. She of course, made a comment about him being my "man" but I tried to make sure she knew we were friends. Apparently, no one else is buying that excuse but us.
I planned to take him to one of my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants after but it was closed so instead we went to lunch with my entire family at Cracker Barrel- a first for him.
He'd mentioned that his little brother had a track meet so I offered for us to attend it but instead he wanted to rest before hitting the gym. As we all know, I never resist a nap so I slept on the couch after convincing him that he should sleep in his bed and that I'd be fine.
An hour later he was determined to hit the gym although I tried to make him stay since he'd developed a cough and was sneezing. My vote apparently didn't count. Once we arrived he kept looking for my parents because he and my dad had discussed coming around 6 pm and he wanted to keep his word. What we didn't know was that my father on the other hand had fallen asleep and would not make it that night.
As we left his place to venture to the gym, I got in my car and he in his so I knew we'd part ways after the gym. Boy, was I wrong. As we walked in the parking lot he asked what we were eating for dinner and suggested his favorite Chinese place. We got there pretty close to closing so we were able to order the house special rice.
After we were both clean and refreshed from our separate showers, I sat on the couch while he prepared our plates. We prayed, ate and then spent the next few hours reading the book "Revelations from Heaven" aloud to each other and discussing the book as well as the eulogy from the memorial.
Before I knew it, it was 1 am and time for me to go home. I couldn't believe I'd spent more than 12 hours with him and could have gone on for hours. I know some people that I've hung out with that I could only stand for about 2 hours.
I was sure to tell him how blessed I felt to have him in my life as a friend and to thank him for helping me through the day. It could have been much harder on me if he weren't there to get me through and I am so grateful for his actions.
To me, he went above and beyond the call of friendship and I will never forget what that meant to me.
Friends to the End
I've said it before but I will say it again: I have some of the best male friends there are in this world.
Two in particular, well three but that's another entry, made my week.
The first is my ace boon coon in Tennessee who gave me a dose of reality when it came to my approach to relationships. It's amazing no matter how many times you hear people talk about their mistakes and you mentally list them for others, you still find yourself doing the same thing. In my case in particular, I was beginning to put a time limit on the development of something that I hope will develop. He sternly but sweetly reminded me that: It's never about "the right" timing, if it's the right person it will happen no matter how wrong the timing may seem.
Point taken.
The next guy made me feel overly special when he took time out of his schedule to have lunch yesterday. This gesture may seem insignificant, but he realized he hadn't followed through on seeing me during his last 3-4 visits to my city, so he ensured that it didn't happen this time. It's great to see how God is working in his life and I PRAY that he finds the right woman who can accept and return all the love he has in heart.
Despite what my Marriable book may have said, I think my male friends are the exception and not the rule. As long as you follow etiquette, you and a male friend can maintain a friendship even if they are in a marriage or serious relationship. Just make sure your motives are pure and solely platonic and don't forget to throw in a "Say hi to _____" every time you talk. That doesn't hurt either.
Two in particular, well three but that's another entry, made my week.
The first is my ace boon coon in Tennessee who gave me a dose of reality when it came to my approach to relationships. It's amazing no matter how many times you hear people talk about their mistakes and you mentally list them for others, you still find yourself doing the same thing. In my case in particular, I was beginning to put a time limit on the development of something that I hope will develop. He sternly but sweetly reminded me that: It's never about "the right" timing, if it's the right person it will happen no matter how wrong the timing may seem.
Point taken.
The next guy made me feel overly special when he took time out of his schedule to have lunch yesterday. This gesture may seem insignificant, but he realized he hadn't followed through on seeing me during his last 3-4 visits to my city, so he ensured that it didn't happen this time. It's great to see how God is working in his life and I PRAY that he finds the right woman who can accept and return all the love he has in heart.
Despite what my Marriable book may have said, I think my male friends are the exception and not the rule. As long as you follow etiquette, you and a male friend can maintain a friendship even if they are in a marriage or serious relationship. Just make sure your motives are pure and solely platonic and don't forget to throw in a "Say hi to _____" every time you talk. That doesn't hurt either.
Monday
Tempted but not ready yet
This weekend after reading "Marriable" and how the husband and wife authors were able to find each other through an online dating site, I was tempted to take eHarmony up on its 5-free days of communication with prospective matches.
Again, I'll say I was tempted but before I fully committed to logging on and creating a new annoynmous email, I was saved by a parental request to go to the gym.
Whew, that was close.
The truth is, while I have nothing against those sites, I still hope that the person for me is somewhere in this city (selfishly because I don't want to move) and that God will bring that person to me as long as I'm not dumb enough to think they will just come ring my doorbell.
Therefore I must continue to press on in this dating game. Smiling at people --everyone not just men--and learning how to project my positive personal traits and nip those other bad traits in the bud before the hubby comes along.
Again, I'll say I was tempted but before I fully committed to logging on and creating a new annoynmous email, I was saved by a parental request to go to the gym.
Whew, that was close.
The truth is, while I have nothing against those sites, I still hope that the person for me is somewhere in this city (selfishly because I don't want to move) and that God will bring that person to me as long as I'm not dumb enough to think they will just come ring my doorbell.
Therefore I must continue to press on in this dating game. Smiling at people --everyone not just men--and learning how to project my positive personal traits and nip those other bad traits in the bud before the hubby comes along.
Add to your playlist
I've discovered the best song ever that describes where I am in my life right now.
The song is "According to You" by Orianthi.
I purchased it maybe two weeks ago and I'm sure it has been played over 40 times on my ipod...
Essentially in the song the girl compares the two men in life. One guy just sees all her faults while the other sees her strengths and possibilities and most important: her beauty!
According to "Marriable" and my real-life experience, that's really the number one thing women want, to know that men think they are beautiful.*
In the song she has to choose because the negative guy is not really giving her much of a choice with his closed-mindedness and harmful assessment of her personality.
I love this song because it reminds me of the night and day difference of the men in my life and if I want I can take it one step further and bring it to a spiritual level relating the "good guy" with God who thinks I'm "everything he ever wanted."
Download it today-you'll love it, especially when running at a speed of 7.0 on the treadmill!!
*Valentine tells me more often than not that I'm beautiful or that other people who encounter me think I'm beautiful. It may sound vain but I never get tired of hearing it. I guess I should return the favor in a way that sounds genuine-because I do think he's handsome. Meanwhile when I mentioned to my "other guy" that I lost mt goal weight of 30 pounds he told me, "yeah, it looks like you've been through chemo." *sigh*
The song is "According to You" by Orianthi.
I purchased it maybe two weeks ago and I'm sure it has been played over 40 times on my ipod...
Essentially in the song the girl compares the two men in life. One guy just sees all her faults while the other sees her strengths and possibilities and most important: her beauty!
According to "Marriable" and my real-life experience, that's really the number one thing women want, to know that men think they are beautiful.*
In the song she has to choose because the negative guy is not really giving her much of a choice with his closed-mindedness and harmful assessment of her personality.
I love this song because it reminds me of the night and day difference of the men in my life and if I want I can take it one step further and bring it to a spiritual level relating the "good guy" with God who thinks I'm "everything he ever wanted."
Download it today-you'll love it, especially when running at a speed of 7.0 on the treadmill!!
*Valentine tells me more often than not that I'm beautiful or that other people who encounter me think I'm beautiful. It may sound vain but I never get tired of hearing it. I guess I should return the favor in a way that sounds genuine-because I do think he's handsome. Meanwhile when I mentioned to my "other guy" that I lost mt goal weight of 30 pounds he told me, "yeah, it looks like you've been through chemo." *sigh*
Are you sure, because it kinda feels like....
I have a big dilemma and I'm trying not to focus on it 24/7 because there are other things that are more important. But here's my problem. Lately "Valentine" is starting to grow on me and evoke more than friendly emotions. This is a problem because he has stated on more than one occasion that he only wants to be friends with females. And given the recent history of some of his female friends coming on to him, I have to find a way to keep my cool.
The question I've been asked over and over has been " are you sure you two are just friends because it kinda seems like you're not." Apparently his behavior towards me to the outside observer appears to be "more than friendly" including my dad who continues to insist that he is "playing for keeps." As he puts it, he told my mom that he and she were just friends until the point he just couldn't take it any longer. Suffice to say it's now 30 years later and they are still friends but also married.
In the past four weeks we've gone to the movies almost once a week (I currently hold his top record for going to the movies with one person), hung out at his place at least once a week, worked out together at least once a week (including getting through a 6am workout after we talked on the phone until 220 am), had lunch with my entire family twice, and I've attended two events with his church friends and met two of his siblings.
He's told me that some of his other female friends have begun to make snide comments about how he has been spending more time with me than them lately and he's brushed it off by saying that I have an advantage over them because our talks are uplifting and inspirational, we have common interests (read gym), and we live in close proximity to each other. These are logical explanations to me that I accept but my dad isn't entirely convinced.
Especially when I mention that he's made it a point to personally cook dinner for me at his place more than once, including purchasing something else for dinner when I suggested we eat something other than what he'd prepared...
Because I now know that talking on the phone doesn't equal him liking me, I'm not as certain about whether this is a signal that he wants to be more than friends or if I'm just a convenient distraction before he goes to bed.
I've also noticed that he constantly asks whether anyone has hit on me and assumes that every time I tell him a story about a guy that it ends in the guy asking me out on a date.* I've never given him the impression that I'm the type of girl that expects all that attention, so I have to believe deep down that he is protective or cautious of the possibility that someone will approach me while he is still playing his friend card.
Either way, the extra attention he pays me and the way he takes care of me is second to none. I really feel it is genuine and could be continued over a long period of time. His compliments are so unexpected but simplistically charming that they make me blush and wonder, "could there be more?..."
When we talk about certain things, he always talks about us doing things in the future, the beach, my family reunion, etc., but I never know in what capacity he sees us doing those things.
Because of this, I keep my guard up and my eyes open. While this basket looks really attractive to the eye, I do have to be aware there may be another that's even better to store my eggs.
*He also confessed to doing a little Facebook stalking to see if I had pictures of my ex-boyfriend. I don't and I can't find the prom picture that he desperately wants to see. Sidenote: he is convinced the girl he took to prom looks like me. Jury is still out on that one...
The question I've been asked over and over has been " are you sure you two are just friends because it kinda seems like you're not." Apparently his behavior towards me to the outside observer appears to be "more than friendly" including my dad who continues to insist that he is "playing for keeps." As he puts it, he told my mom that he and she were just friends until the point he just couldn't take it any longer. Suffice to say it's now 30 years later and they are still friends but also married.
In the past four weeks we've gone to the movies almost once a week (I currently hold his top record for going to the movies with one person), hung out at his place at least once a week, worked out together at least once a week (including getting through a 6am workout after we talked on the phone until 220 am), had lunch with my entire family twice, and I've attended two events with his church friends and met two of his siblings.
He's told me that some of his other female friends have begun to make snide comments about how he has been spending more time with me than them lately and he's brushed it off by saying that I have an advantage over them because our talks are uplifting and inspirational, we have common interests (read gym), and we live in close proximity to each other. These are logical explanations to me that I accept but my dad isn't entirely convinced.
Especially when I mention that he's made it a point to personally cook dinner for me at his place more than once, including purchasing something else for dinner when I suggested we eat something other than what he'd prepared...
Because I now know that talking on the phone doesn't equal him liking me, I'm not as certain about whether this is a signal that he wants to be more than friends or if I'm just a convenient distraction before he goes to bed.
I've also noticed that he constantly asks whether anyone has hit on me and assumes that every time I tell him a story about a guy that it ends in the guy asking me out on a date.* I've never given him the impression that I'm the type of girl that expects all that attention, so I have to believe deep down that he is protective or cautious of the possibility that someone will approach me while he is still playing his friend card.
Either way, the extra attention he pays me and the way he takes care of me is second to none. I really feel it is genuine and could be continued over a long period of time. His compliments are so unexpected but simplistically charming that they make me blush and wonder, "could there be more?..."
When we talk about certain things, he always talks about us doing things in the future, the beach, my family reunion, etc., but I never know in what capacity he sees us doing those things.
Because of this, I keep my guard up and my eyes open. While this basket looks really attractive to the eye, I do have to be aware there may be another that's even better to store my eggs.
*He also confessed to doing a little Facebook stalking to see if I had pictures of my ex-boyfriend. I don't and I can't find the prom picture that he desperately wants to see. Sidenote: he is convinced the girl he took to prom looks like me. Jury is still out on that one...
V-day 2010
I've never been one of those girls to go all out or get depressed on Valentine's Day if I do or do not have a romantic interest in my life.
I think it is because my parents have always said that you should show someone that you love him/her everyday of the year and not just Valentine's Day. So if I didn't have anyone in my life, I wasn't too upset that I didn't spend Feb. 14 with them.
Two years ago I thought I had the best Valentine's Day ever because I spent it with the person I thought was the love of my life. Last year, I spent it with someone I cared about and even though our date was a bit of an afterthought I was happy to spend the day with him.
Well this year, blew both of those days out of the water because it was a day filled with genuine care and concern. My new friend, who from now on will will be called "Valentine" proposed two weeks ago that we should be Valentine's.
He said he got the idea when I told him about how my first male best friend in middle school gave me a gift that I still have to this day and when his co-worker suggested that he make me his "friendly" valentine. This declaration also came from an awkward but hilarious conversation that led him to admit that he'd already bought me a gift but if he wouldn't give it to me he would give it to his mom...
To get to this point he of course had to inquire about my relationship status because I hadn't divulged any of my personal history and I choose that opportunity to come clean and tell him about my lingering on-again-off-again relationship. I told him the abbreviated backstory and how recently I didn't think he was the one for me but I hadn't had the conversation. I also told him how I was saving the conversation for a face-to-face encounter because I loaned him an entire wardrobe's worth of hangers that I wanted back. Charmingly, or maybe even possessively, he told me to forget having the conversation and that he'd buy me all new hangers.
So after that we were set to be each other's valentines and I knew the two gifts I wanted to get him. While I couldn't find one of the gifts, I knew my backup gift was just as good since he had no idea what I planned to get him.
As the countdown to V-day began he would make comments about how I was close to my present and had no idea whenever I visit and also acknowledge how many days before I would get my present. The suspense was almost killing me but I had my Marriable book to keep me grounded. Saturday night we finally confirmed our plans for me to pick up lunch and meet him at his job since he was scheduled to work. We would have lunch together in his office and the exchange gifts.
When I got there I was introduced to his co-workers-including the co-worker who made the whole ordeal happen. His gift to me was very fitting of his personality-something that he thinks is funny and cute that he purchased on impulse (before knowing that I was actually allergic). BUT his presentation of the gift and selection of just the right card was more than I needed.
As I knew he would he loved his gift and didn't shy away from the camera when I snapped some photos of him opening it. He made it a point to show it to his employees when they came in and I got the best hug after he opened it.
While eating he confessed that he'd never had a valentine before so he never received a gift so that made me feel good that not only did he like his gift but that I was able to set the standard for years to come. His new nickname for me is "BGGE" also known as Best Gift Giver Ever. *Smile*
I think it is because my parents have always said that you should show someone that you love him/her everyday of the year and not just Valentine's Day. So if I didn't have anyone in my life, I wasn't too upset that I didn't spend Feb. 14 with them.
Two years ago I thought I had the best Valentine's Day ever because I spent it with the person I thought was the love of my life. Last year, I spent it with someone I cared about and even though our date was a bit of an afterthought I was happy to spend the day with him.
Well this year, blew both of those days out of the water because it was a day filled with genuine care and concern. My new friend, who from now on will will be called "Valentine" proposed two weeks ago that we should be Valentine's.
He said he got the idea when I told him about how my first male best friend in middle school gave me a gift that I still have to this day and when his co-worker suggested that he make me his "friendly" valentine. This declaration also came from an awkward but hilarious conversation that led him to admit that he'd already bought me a gift but if he wouldn't give it to me he would give it to his mom...
To get to this point he of course had to inquire about my relationship status because I hadn't divulged any of my personal history and I choose that opportunity to come clean and tell him about my lingering on-again-off-again relationship. I told him the abbreviated backstory and how recently I didn't think he was the one for me but I hadn't had the conversation. I also told him how I was saving the conversation for a face-to-face encounter because I loaned him an entire wardrobe's worth of hangers that I wanted back. Charmingly, or maybe even possessively, he told me to forget having the conversation and that he'd buy me all new hangers.
So after that we were set to be each other's valentines and I knew the two gifts I wanted to get him. While I couldn't find one of the gifts, I knew my backup gift was just as good since he had no idea what I planned to get him.
As the countdown to V-day began he would make comments about how I was close to my present and had no idea whenever I visit and also acknowledge how many days before I would get my present. The suspense was almost killing me but I had my Marriable book to keep me grounded. Saturday night we finally confirmed our plans for me to pick up lunch and meet him at his job since he was scheduled to work. We would have lunch together in his office and the exchange gifts.
When I got there I was introduced to his co-workers-including the co-worker who made the whole ordeal happen. His gift to me was very fitting of his personality-something that he thinks is funny and cute that he purchased on impulse (before knowing that I was actually allergic). BUT his presentation of the gift and selection of just the right card was more than I needed.
As I knew he would he loved his gift and didn't shy away from the camera when I snapped some photos of him opening it. He made it a point to show it to his employees when they came in and I got the best hug after he opened it.
While eating he confessed that he'd never had a valentine before so he never received a gift so that made me feel good that not only did he like his gift but that I was able to set the standard for years to come. His new nickname for me is "BGGE" also known as Best Gift Giver Ever. *Smile*
"Marriable" rocks my world
The other day while shopping for a certain someone's Valentine's Day gift and a gift for another special person in my life, I stumbled across a book on marriage in the Christian bookstore.
Yes, I'm always skeptical of self-help books or at least afraid to actually purchase these kinds of self-help books in public, but the idea of finding out the "Top Lies Women Tell Themselves about Relationships" sounded too good to pass up and if it were good info, too good not to pass along to my single friends.
So I purchased the book "Marriable" and let's just say I was engrossed, possibly even obsessed with it until I finished it. The book contained a lot of truths that I honestly knew all along but let myself ignore because the rest of society was going along with the lies.
They addressed the nice guy/bad guy predicament so much better than other people have in the past. Overall the advice this married couple doled out as a result of their relationship mishaps was comforting but also encouraging to know that if you are making mistakes or have made them in the past then there is still hope to get it right and be the person you need and want to be for the person God has for you.
Of course it blew the door wide open on my latest life addition's theory on being friends before dating/marriage and I'm not sure I have the heart to share or completely side with them but again, some of the truths behind their advice are just too true to ignore. And I speak from experience.
On the other side, I can see where taking their advice on not being "so available" (c'mon ladies how many times have we heard this before) can have an impact on a relationship. As they stressed over and over again, men love a chase and don't like to talk on the phone so if they call you, don't answer every time even if you are available to talk. And when you do get on the phone, limit convos to 15 mins (okay I'm amending this to 20-25) tops because men do not equate length of conversation with like or love. It's a necessary evil to date/marry you but it's not anything that they want to willingly do.
After I finished the book on Saturday, I purposely began stretching the amount of time before responding to texts and not answering every call from my "friend" and the past two nights I was the first to suggest we get off the phone. Last night, he jokingly remarked that he noticed that "I've been rushing him off the phone lately and he doesn't like it." But for me, it was proof that LESS IS MORE when it comes to talking to men. He only remembers half of what we talk about so it would be better to have quality conversations instead of telling him something that I think is important and then getting angry when he doesn't remember on a later date.
Yes, I'm always skeptical of self-help books or at least afraid to actually purchase these kinds of self-help books in public, but the idea of finding out the "Top Lies Women Tell Themselves about Relationships" sounded too good to pass up and if it were good info, too good not to pass along to my single friends.
So I purchased the book "Marriable" and let's just say I was engrossed, possibly even obsessed with it until I finished it. The book contained a lot of truths that I honestly knew all along but let myself ignore because the rest of society was going along with the lies.
They addressed the nice guy/bad guy predicament so much better than other people have in the past. Overall the advice this married couple doled out as a result of their relationship mishaps was comforting but also encouraging to know that if you are making mistakes or have made them in the past then there is still hope to get it right and be the person you need and want to be for the person God has for you.
Of course it blew the door wide open on my latest life addition's theory on being friends before dating/marriage and I'm not sure I have the heart to share or completely side with them but again, some of the truths behind their advice are just too true to ignore. And I speak from experience.
On the other side, I can see where taking their advice on not being "so available" (c'mon ladies how many times have we heard this before) can have an impact on a relationship. As they stressed over and over again, men love a chase and don't like to talk on the phone so if they call you, don't answer every time even if you are available to talk. And when you do get on the phone, limit convos to 15 mins (okay I'm amending this to 20-25) tops because men do not equate length of conversation with like or love. It's a necessary evil to date/marry you but it's not anything that they want to willingly do.
After I finished the book on Saturday, I purposely began stretching the amount of time before responding to texts and not answering every call from my "friend" and the past two nights I was the first to suggest we get off the phone. Last night, he jokingly remarked that he noticed that "I've been rushing him off the phone lately and he doesn't like it." But for me, it was proof that LESS IS MORE when it comes to talking to men. He only remembers half of what we talk about so it would be better to have quality conversations instead of telling him something that I think is important and then getting angry when he doesn't remember on a later date.
Facebook:The Enemy of Relationships
I may have said it before but I'm going to say it again. Facebook (and its social equivalents: myspace, bebo, twitter, etc.) is one of the biggest enemies of relationships.
In essence it is the equivalent of that one "friend" you have who can't seem to keep their mouth closed around your significant other and lets hints slip about your past or not-so-squeaky clean present.
Facebook opens the door to all the crazies (if you befriend them) who have always wanted to be with you but maybe never had the guts to say it to your face. Instead they use facebook to send you virtual gifts (teddy bears, balloons, flowers, etc.) and post inappropriate messages on your wall. The problem is, it all becomes public information.
And for anyone in a relationship or trying to have a relationship, it can be very hard to convince someone else that you are not involved with someone who pays $1 everyday to send you a virtual gift.
Plus, I'm not even going to get into how someone with too much time on their hands can facebook stalk you, your exes, and anyone else related to you even with the profile privacy filters.
So, a word to the wise, if you want a meaningful relationship, watch who you befriend and what you do on Facebook.
In essence it is the equivalent of that one "friend" you have who can't seem to keep their mouth closed around your significant other and lets hints slip about your past or not-so-squeaky clean present.
Facebook opens the door to all the crazies (if you befriend them) who have always wanted to be with you but maybe never had the guts to say it to your face. Instead they use facebook to send you virtual gifts (teddy bears, balloons, flowers, etc.) and post inappropriate messages on your wall. The problem is, it all becomes public information.
And for anyone in a relationship or trying to have a relationship, it can be very hard to convince someone else that you are not involved with someone who pays $1 everyday to send you a virtual gift.
Plus, I'm not even going to get into how someone with too much time on their hands can facebook stalk you, your exes, and anyone else related to you even with the profile privacy filters.
So, a word to the wise, if you want a meaningful relationship, watch who you befriend and what you do on Facebook.
A New Friend, A New Distraction
Around three weeks ago I met a guy at the gym and we've become fast friends.
Our first encounter was a few months ago when he complimented my sister and I on our natural hair. That's all he said and we never spoke again.
Then three weeks ago I was working out and noticed a guy looking at me when I waved to my parents across the gym. When they selected treadmills further down from me, I saw there was an open one next to my mom but was a little hesitant because the guy was still staring and smiling at me. Knowing that I can easily ward off weirdos I took my chances and got on the treadmill next to him.
He complimented me again on my hair and then asked if I remembered that he had said the same thing before. I felt bad because I didn't recognize him at first but when he said it, I remembered.
We talked as we both finished our cardio workouts and at the end, he said he'd like to continue communicating- phone, email, facebook, etc. I let him know I was making Facebook cutbacks but a phone conversation would be possible.
When I finished my cardio workout he had his info written on a sheet of paper and I took it and then decided to help my mom and dad get through their weight routines. Unbeknownst to me the entire time I was working out with either of them, he was staring at me. It was almost uncomfortable but he had such a friendly smile I felt he was harmless.
I got home later and sent him a test giving him my info and we traded a few texts back and forth before he asked if he could call me. I told him yes and we talked for at least one hour about church and God. It turns out he's new to the Christian faith and he really wants to meet more Christian friends.
Because he hasn't found a man who has his devotion or drive to live for God he hangs out with a lot of females.
Given his background he shared with me, this fact would be a little unnerving but I also have a lot of male friends so I can't judge anyone.
Every since that first night we've talked almost everyday (and night) and it's been a very encouraging friendship.
There are some signs that I'm so unsure of that I'll get into later but I want to make sure I never make anyone fall back into bad patterns they are trying to avoid.
*SIGH* I can't take this pressure again before the GMAT
Our first encounter was a few months ago when he complimented my sister and I on our natural hair. That's all he said and we never spoke again.
Then three weeks ago I was working out and noticed a guy looking at me when I waved to my parents across the gym. When they selected treadmills further down from me, I saw there was an open one next to my mom but was a little hesitant because the guy was still staring and smiling at me. Knowing that I can easily ward off weirdos I took my chances and got on the treadmill next to him.
He complimented me again on my hair and then asked if I remembered that he had said the same thing before. I felt bad because I didn't recognize him at first but when he said it, I remembered.
We talked as we both finished our cardio workouts and at the end, he said he'd like to continue communicating- phone, email, facebook, etc. I let him know I was making Facebook cutbacks but a phone conversation would be possible.
When I finished my cardio workout he had his info written on a sheet of paper and I took it and then decided to help my mom and dad get through their weight routines. Unbeknownst to me the entire time I was working out with either of them, he was staring at me. It was almost uncomfortable but he had such a friendly smile I felt he was harmless.
I got home later and sent him a test giving him my info and we traded a few texts back and forth before he asked if he could call me. I told him yes and we talked for at least one hour about church and God. It turns out he's new to the Christian faith and he really wants to meet more Christian friends.
Because he hasn't found a man who has his devotion or drive to live for God he hangs out with a lot of females.
Given his background he shared with me, this fact would be a little unnerving but I also have a lot of male friends so I can't judge anyone.
Every since that first night we've talked almost everyday (and night) and it's been a very encouraging friendship.
There are some signs that I'm so unsure of that I'll get into later but I want to make sure I never make anyone fall back into bad patterns they are trying to avoid.
*SIGH* I can't take this pressure again before the GMAT
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