Last Chance

Over the weekend I went to visit friends.  The original plan was to do a group activitiy where my married friend's best friend would attend.  In the past, they've tried to hook us up but timing has always been off so finally this was going to be the one time where we were both were single.

Well, I guess he was put off by the fact that I'm moving to LA because he didn't make the effort to show, despite us texting for weeks before hand about all the fun we were going to have.

I was disappointed but also had the sneaking suspicion that he was on a date and that's why he backed out of the group event.  And all I could think was, that's too bad...for him.

Despite his absenteeism we all had a great time together.  More and more every day I'm making peace with being alone which allows me to be selfish. I still have a big crush on Pro but I don't know that he wants to commit to what I want so I should look out for me.

Purging

Because of my move next week I've had to start cleaning my room and thus I've come across pictures and other momentos from my time with The Graduate.  Even though I'm in a better place because I knew it was time to end it, a little part of me pains every time I find another piece of our life together. Today I found the paper bag that drove to school and left in the fridge for me.

It contained watermelon and on the outside he wrote a sweet message. It was a demonstration of the sweet stuff he was capable of doing when he didn't put anyone else before me. The moments that were few and far in between during our year together but that I had to live for and constantly remind myself of until the next event happened.

I'm undecided on whether I'll post the picture of the bag (my compromise for being able to actually part with it). It's not that there's anything super personal on it but I just don't know if one day I do decide to get over him if I want to view the message again.

Kelly Clarkson was right

During my trip to T&T I had an epiphany during our hike in the rain forest. We were on the trail with a married couple. Towards the end of the trip, the wife started to get weary* and so her husband began to hold her hand and support her as we walked over rocks, sticks, branches, etc.

The married couple on our trip

The way he took care of her was sweet and as I sloshed around in my Wellingtons a little part of me wished I had a male companion to hold my hand and enjoy the adventure with and then at nearly the exact moment the lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's  pop hit "Stronger" came to mind. Sure, it just repeats the age old adage that what doesn't kill you  makes you stronger, but in that moment, it helped me realize that as long as I didn't die by falling off the edge of the walking trail, that my being able to hike alone in the rocky terrain really did make me stronger.

Lately it seems as though every trip I go on there's a special moment that I wish I could share with an equally (if not more) special person but I'm learning to be more thankful for having the moment at all regardless of who is present.

*later we'd put all the context clues together and realize she was pregnant

One Date a Month Challenge Gets Press

This story was printed in February but with everything I had going on, I didn't get a chance to blog about it. This is a story written about my friend who I encouraged to take the challenge. ENJOY!:

http://www.reporternews.com/news/2012/feb/24/trish-choate-one-date-a-month-achieving-success/

WASHINGTON — Veronica checked her dance card.

Empty. Sigh.

My friend "Veronica" is a 35-year-old confident, outgoing woman with good looks to spare. She was single, living in a great Southern city and loving her job. But she just wasn't meeting anyone.

"You're goal-oriented. Make dating a goal," one of her friends told her.

Veronica took the challenge: Go on one date a month for a year.

Easy, right? Just one date.

But by Nov. 25, 2010, in the first awkward month, she hadn't met her goal.

Veronica doesn't like to fail, so when she spotted an appealing guy at the gym, she asked him if she could buy him a smoothie.

She had to toss out whatever hang-ups she had to meet her goal.

"It changed my behavior dramatically and what I accepted as a way to get to know somebody," she said.

She kept her eyeballs open for the cab share and such who might turn into a first date, invested in an online profile on Match.com and filled out a profile on the free site, OkCupid.

A year later, she'd had more than 40, PG-13 first dates.

She's thinking of writing a book, "The Art of the Awkward Conversation," but she thinks it was worth it.

"It made last year very interesting," she said.

Veronica is allergic to alcohol, ruling out the happy-hour drink and ruling in ice skating, glass blowing, hiking, kayaking, going on a photo safari, country line dancing/mechanical bull riding, shopping for Mother's Day presents and more.

"I now have all these friends, this very large network of single dudes from a bunch of different industries," Veronica said. "Some of them have met each other and they go golfing together."

She had Thanksgiving dinner with three of them, and Veronica regularly hangs out with several first dates as friends.

Some have girlfriends now, and those girlfriends introduce Veronica to other people.

She recommended her method to other women friends struggling to meet someone.

"Anything you want to succeed at, successful people spend more time doing," Veronica said.

Last year, several friends took the challenge, too.

"We would all check in once a month and gossip about the good, the bad and the ugly," she said.

Then it started being fun, even when things went south, because they couldn't wait to tell each other what had just happened.

Veronica's good attitude has served her well. She figures there are millions of people in the world. Most of them you'll never meet and most of those you do meet, you won't feel a connection to.

But there's somebody out there who wants to meet you.

"I am still a single girl seeking awesome boy," she said. "But I can't complain too much because these guys are still cooking for me, washing my car, fixing things in the house, taking me to concerts, dancing and hiking."

Veronica thinks I should take the challenge: one date a month for one year.

Maybe I will.

It's the Hardest Thing

The Backstreet Boys crooned "It's the hardest thing I ever had to do is look you in the eyes and tell you I don't love you."  Well, sometimes the hardest thing is to tell someone you love them but still inform them that you are walking away because it is what's best.

Sunday The Graduate and I had a long overdue chat about our relationship status. I'd pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it was over between us hence my resuming my ODAM challenge but we hadn't officially stated what we'd do.

I am still amazed (as is he) that through everything we went through (including numerous times where he just didn't step up to the plate) I still treat him with love and respect and do my best to encourage him.  I honestly don't know how whatever anger I enter with melts away and turns to compassion by the end of our conversations but I guess I've truly learned to live out the lessons of love that I studied for so many months as things were taking a turn for the worst.

That I guess is what matters in the end. They say every relationship teaches you something. For me, I've learned to not try to fix others and to look for someone who truly loves themselves. I noticed a difference in my approach after the conversation. I allowed myself some time that day to mourn, but I made sure I kept the appointments I had scheduled for the rest of the day.  My resolve, will, whatever is going to guide me through whatever comes next.

Done and Done

And by that I mean July dating goal is complete. Yes, I recognize that today is only July 3. What can I say? When I'm on a role, I'm on a role... (for the record I completed my goal on July 1-just saying).

The second part of the title also represents that my August date is already lined up. Pro is coming to LA the week after I move and wants to go out again. I think given my feelings I can do that...

What's amazing to me is this new sense of empowerment I feel. I don't think it's based on the fact that someone is interested in me but more so the realization that I have multiple people interested and I have the ability to pick and choose (or not choose) any one of them. And right now, I'm just enjoying the pleasure of their company and allowing them to do the same.

Let's see how long I can keep up this streak...

Why Men Love "The Notebook"

Recently after "The Pro" told me the Notebook was his favorite movie, I was amazed that it was the same for my father. He's long sworn that he and my mother's marriage will end the same way -in a beautiful display of love.

Today the cynic side of me started to wonder whether The Pro used that as a pickup line but as life would have it, ABC Family was showing it today and I really saw it through men's eyes.

Here are just a few of the insights I picked up as to why men love "The Notebook."

1. It speaks to their insecurities of getting a woman who loves him for exactly who he is - In the movie Noah started with humble means but he was devoted to his vow to Allie who loved him for who he was and not what he had.  That love is what drove him forward every single day even when other people thought he was crazy.

2. It shows a man winning a woman he thought he'd lost back despite when other men have expressed interest. - Let's be honest, men love winning and there's nothing more appealing than winning back a woman who you'd thought you'd lost to someone who others may even consider a better man.

3. It appeals to their sensitive side, their ability to care for a woman they love just as marriage vows require (sickness and in health)-  The few times in my life that I've seen my dad care for my mom it was when she was sick. Sure occasionally, he'll do something as simple as giving my mom a massage or going to retrieve a drink for her and he feels that's worthy of a press release but I typically roll my eyes in those times. However, The Notebook does portray how love can make a man live every day taking care of the woman he loves, knowing that he may not get a thank you from her but not regretting a moment or even opting out of the precious time he has left with her.

4. It shows the happiness two people who love each other can truly share. - Although I really don't think any explanation of this one is needed, I think deep down men crave the security of a relationship built on love as much as women and when they see this in the movie, they can't help but love the film.

Watch the film for yourself (if you haven't already) and let me know what you think.